Will I still lose custody?

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Will I still lose custody?

Unread postby pharoeandisis » Fri Apr 14, 2017 8:21 am

If even the Child Family Investigator determines that my ex-spouse is engaging in Parental Alienation, will I still lose custody because my daughters want to stay with their mother? My daughters are 16 and 14. The oldest wants to stay with mom. The other daughter wants to be with her sister.

Here's a text I received from my youngest daughter a few months ago..."I know it has been a while. My sister and I are still trying to recover (my oldest daughter and I had an argument/fight where I grabbed her by the arm and pulled out of the care) but I just wanted to tell you, if you sign those papers (giving my ex-spouse full custody) to pay mom more money..., I would be very willing to spend time with you, grandpa and your brother, if you sign these papers. I will be extremely happy and I will spend time with you and your side of the family."

Any comments would be appreciated.
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Re: Will I still lose custody?

Unread postby massdad1234 » Fri Apr 14, 2017 8:42 am

you need to repair your relationship with your children. Giving up time with them is not the way to go about it. Why would giving your ex more money help them with that journey?

If she is alienating your children, why wouldn't this be part of it? "Your side of the family?" Sounds like the ex is either typing it for them or telling them what to say. You really stepped into it by losing your cool.

You need to fix things with them. You also need to reinforce, that whatever happens between their mother and you is between you two, has nothing to do with them.
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Re: Will I still lose custody?

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Fri Apr 14, 2017 8:46 am

A finding that alienation has been occurring and a finding that its in the best interest of the child to change the custodial situation are very different.

Other than the alienation, what are your arguments in favor of altering the custody situation?
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Re: Will I still lose custody?

Unread postby pharoeandisis » Fri Apr 14, 2017 9:00 am

Perhaps I didn't make myself clear. My ex-spouse wants full custody and 4 times the child support. The Divorce Decree has 50/50 custody. She's in violation of the Divorce Decree. I'm attempting to get the courts to enforce the original custody/parenting plan with the help of my attorney and filed a motion for a CFI. Since I lost my cool, despite a favorable CFI report showing my ex-spouse it attempting to alienate my daughters from me, will the courts honor the wishes of my daughters so they can continue to stay with their mother 100%?
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Re: Will I still lose custody?

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Fri Apr 14, 2017 9:04 am

pharoeandisis wrote:will the courts honor the wishes of my daughters so they can continue to stay with their mother 100%?


Not in my state. Kinda.

Kids voicing their preference has to be one piece out of many for it to matter.
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Re: Will I still lose custody?

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Fri Apr 14, 2017 9:22 am

I'm sorry, but the answer is that it depends. In my state, the teens stated desire is a high hurdle to cross, by statute. In most other states it will depend on the judges discretion and how your case is presented.

You're doing the right thing, keep up the good fight. Regardless of whether you may lose.
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Re: Will I still lose custody?

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Fri Apr 14, 2017 10:53 am

Are you saying she is asking for 4 times more than state guidelines for CS?

If she is what is her argument that justifies her asking for that?
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Re: Will I still lose custody?

Unread postby big guy » Fri Apr 14, 2017 12:26 pm

I would ask that the custody stay the same. Period. I would not sign any paper. The girls are not going to come spend time with you regardless if the mom has full custody or 50/50. You will just end up spending more money on CS if custody changes with no time with your kids either way. Nothing is harder to deal with than a teenage girl that is angry. You might win and force them to comply but you are going to suffer the consequences.

Leave an open invitation and then let them be.

Your pain is self inflicted because you decided to get physical. There's a price to be paid for that.
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Re: Will I still lose custody?

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Sun Apr 16, 2017 10:17 am

pharoeandisis wrote:.....if you sign those papers (giving my ex-spouse full custody) to pay mom more money..., I would be very willing to spend time with you, grandpa and your brother, if you sign these papers. I will be extremely happy and I will spend time with you and your side of the family."
Blackmail!! Do not sign anything.

Clearly, NJ is using D14 as a pawn. In Oregon, this could be viewed as enticement. Children must never be involved in taking such action.

pharoeandisis wrote:.....will the courts honor the wishes of my daughters.....
This will depend upon a number of factors, with "Best Interest" being #1.

The other side however, will argue "teen choice trumps everything." This simply isn't true. But this doesn't mean your daughters won't "vote with their feet." And if they do, no judge will force them to do otherwise.

BTW - I find it interesting that D14 will be happy to "visit" ONLY IF her conditions are met. I'd say she's being coached.

Tom
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Re: Will I still lose custody?

Unread postby astrolink » Sun Apr 16, 2017 11:15 am

pharoeandisis wrote: I just wanted to tell you, if you sign those papers (giving my ex-spouse full custody) to pay mom more money..., I would be very willing to spend time with you, grandpa and your brother, if you sign these papers. I will be extremely happy and I will spend time with you and your side of the family."



100% coached response. What did your attorney say when you showed them this?
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