Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Re: Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Unread postby lionel2013 » Thu Apr 13, 2017 11:02 am

I am using all my time taking him to doctors since he hasn't been seen since 2013, library because his language is at a 3 year old level, parks so he can see other kids his own age, cooking so he gets over food phobias.


sounds to me your child is on the Autism spectrum, you should have him evaluated by an expert.
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Re: Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Unread postby OrigamiDragon » Thu Apr 13, 2017 11:20 am

lionel2013 wrote:
I am using all my time taking him to doctors since he hasn't been seen since 2013, library because his language is at a 3 year old level, parks so he can see other kids his own age, cooking so he gets over food phobias.


sounds to me your child is on the Autism spectrum, you should have him evaluated by an expert.


Speech therapist scheduled for the 17th. Mother is not willing to discuss how he will get there or how I could take him. The appointment was rushed at around 40 days waiting... average wait is 50 business days. Judge told me I was supposed to take him.

I don't tell people but I was diagnosed with Aspergers at a young age (childers hospital) but have struggled with deciding if that was just part of the fad era and covering for issues my parents divorce subjected me to. Mother is currently severely anxious depressive (self diagnosis on FB). He absorbs information like a sponge right now so I'm hesitant to believe it is rooted in learning disabilities. I have kept it in mind though, and your falling on that possibility from just snippets is a healthy reminder.
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Re: Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Unread postby massdad1234 » Thu Apr 13, 2017 12:36 pm

do you have a car? Why can't you pick up your child at her place? DVR on your person, get at door. If she can't make it to your place for pickups, you get the kid. What are you doing about being denied your parenting time?

Again, it seems like you are letting her call the shots and are afraid of her. Not only that, but you seem to be waiting for her to do something you know she wont ever do and then are frustrated. By picking up at her place for your allotted time, you are no longer dependent on her transportation. If she doesn't have adequate transportation, have her let you know when she can (via email) and be done with it.

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Re: Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Unread postby lionel2013 » Thu Apr 13, 2017 12:52 pm

Speech therapist scheduled for the 17th. Mother is not willing to discuss how he will get there or how I could take him. The appointment was rushed at around 40 days waiting... average wait is 50 business days. Judge told me I was supposed to take him.

I don't tell people but I was diagnosed with Aspergers at a young age (childers hospital) but have struggled with deciding if that was just part of the fad era and covering for issues my parents divorce subjected me to. Mother is currently severely anxious depressive (self diagnosis on FB). He absorbs information like a sponge right now so I'm hesitant to believe it is rooted in learning disabilities. I have kept it in mind though, and your falling on that possibility from just snippets is a healthy reminder.


I am glad you're not taking that possibility out of consideration, unlike many other parents.

On this issue the "label" doesn't really matter, it's understanding precisely what his special needs are, and taking the appropriate corrective measures. But I stress that you need to take him for a comprehensive evaluation to a child psychiatrist, or to a child developmental specialist, or both. They will have your son go through a battery of tests to precisely determine in what respect he is falling behind, and recommend corrective actions/therapies. I know you've already identified speech delay, but that may not be the only aspect that needs addressed - and you won't know that until you have him properly diagnosed (because other deficiencies become apparent only later unless specifically probed now). And yes, the sooner you do this the better, it is ideal to get this going at as early of an age as possible.

And in case you're wondering, on all of the above I speak from personal experience with my own son.

PS: <<Mother is not willing to discuss how he will get there or how I could take him.>> I hear you, but your frustration will get you nowhere good. You need to accept that as a reality, ignore it, and do what you have to do for your son without expecting anything from her because clearly you're not going to get anything from her. So far all you're doing is getting worked up because of her with no obvious benefit to you. To share something else from my own experience: my X has been refusing to meet a requirement [very easy one] spelled out in our MSA. 3-4 years ago I would have bombarded her with e-mails and my blood pressure would have gone up 20 mm at a minimum. Nowadays, after making three written requests, I stopped asking her for anything and just filed a motion to compel. I don't bother asking her for it anymore because I know I'm not going to get it unless the court orders her to produce it.
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Re: Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Unread postby OrigamiDragon » Thu Apr 13, 2017 1:12 pm

She promised to take him over a year ago to get CPS off her back. I am just seeing him again after she just decided I wasn't going to see him for 3 months. The judge already compelled her and she ignores again. I would love to get him in to something comprehensive but mother is cancelling appointments and flaunting a new order so fresh it hasn't finished being written up. If he is in preschool, they have an arangement where the evaluators come to the kid. I am fighting like a dog to get that one thing to happen so the other pieces can start.
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Re: Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Unread postby massdad1234 » Thu Apr 13, 2017 2:38 pm

how can she cancel appointments you make? Why is she even being consulted? Do what is best for your child and don't expect a darn thing from the mother. You need to grab this by the horns and stop letting her get in the middle. You are the child's father, if you think there is something that needs to be done, and is in the child's best interests, do it and don't wait for her approval.

Clearly the mother has shown a lack of initiative, so fill that void. This might be the new normal, so how will you make things happen for your child with her resistance or lack of effort?
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Re: Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Unread postby OrigamiDragon » Thu Apr 13, 2017 4:21 pm

massdad1234 wrote:how can she cancel appointments you make? Why is she even being consulted? Do what is best for your child and don't expect a darn thing from the mother. You need to grab this by the horns and stop letting her get in the middle. You are the child's father, if you think there is something that needs to be done, and is in the child's best interests, do it and don't wait for her approval.

Clearly the mother has shown a lack of initiative, so fill that void. This might be the new normal, so how will you make things happen for your child with her resistance or lack of effort?


She has the other half of legal, so she called in and cancelled it.

As for your question: I honestly don't know, that's why I'm here to learn.
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Re: Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Fri Apr 14, 2017 4:19 pm

OrigamiDragon wrote:I am using all my time taking him to doctors.....library.....parks.....cooking.....Then I run around on my time to get these piles of paperwork done.
You've got nothing to complain about. Such are the rigors of everyday parenting. So get used to it. This is what being Superdad is all about.

FYI - Your son may not know it yet, but he's counting on you.

OrigamiDragon wrote:All I do is ask mother for her input as I update her.
Stop coddling her. Just take care of business. She's not your wife any more. She has no input to give. So don't ask. And whatever you do, don't expect her approval.

OrigamiDragon wrote:He didn't start potty training until he was 4½.....
Then take care of it and stop complaining. Better late than never.

OrigamiDragon wrote:If I don't do it, it doesn't get done. If I go to do it, she objects.
Just parent your son as best you can and ignore her complaints. No matter what you do, in her eyes, it'll never be right.

BTW - I trust you're documenting these events in your well-written journal.

OrigamiDragon wrote:I would be willing to, it seems like an impossible leap from where I'm at.
Some on this forum have managed to pull off the impossible, namely custody reversal. But it takes many months of hard work and arduous planning. This isn't for the faint of heart.

Tom
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Re: Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Unread postby skyhappynwb » Fri Apr 14, 2017 9:04 pm

You are going to court so you also want emails to go with the journals showing she is not acting in the best interest of your kid. She is not going to agree to anything, so don't write the email to convince her. Write the emails with the sole purpose of having them read by the judge/GAL later and to put her on record as not acting in the best interest of your kid.

Also from your other thread, Friday is not midweek and the purpose of midweek is to minimize the days between the kid seeing you. I would also say 2-6 is not evening. I would write her short and sweet email saying so with the expectations she will just say no. Also say you are available for pickup/dropoff where is convenient for her from whomever is caring for the child. Since she will say no, you won't be burdened by this.

I think it also helps to put some perspective that if she was smart, she would be on her best behavior until she gets you locked into a custody schedule required change of circumstance/no court date looming and then crank up her crazy. The fact that she is doing all this stuff now hurts the kid in the short term, but it may benefit you in the long term by being able to get you 50-50. To me this is a really strong point in your favor that she is ignoring the documented developmental challenges your kid is facing. Especially if the judge has ordered it done.

Also for the doctor stuff, I would tell her the appointment time but also say you are flexible to reschedule if she would like to attend and can't make that time. That way she can't weasel out and say she didn't go to the doctor because you scheduled at time you knew she couldn't come. Also I would ask her about the bruises and see if there is any response. No response I would take him to the doctor to ask about them.

Personally, if you are going to court soon I would just get her repeatedly on record for not cooperating to take the kid to his court-ordered appointment and then do it after you have a final order rather than doing it without telling her.

One caveat is that remember preschool could be looked at as either daycare or preschool. So her not doing everything right for preschool might not make her look that bad. Ultimately, her being crazy in this way is something that is giving you an opportunity to make a very solid argument for more time with your kid.
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Re: Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Unread postby OrigamiDragon » Mon Apr 17, 2017 6:49 am

So OC sent a threat through my lawyer that I must sign her changes to our agreement that include such gems as No communication, no midweeks, no extended time or holidays, thousands of dollars of arrears, and a caveat that any motion filed by either party would automatically suspend parenting time and legal custody. Also asked that I report a detailed account of everything I do with him, every person he meets, and permission to take him anywhere besides my house. Mom and OC were made for each other. Kid is in first day of school and I'm going to make up last week's denied time tomorrow. She can pick him up after preschool Wednesday.
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