Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Re: Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Unread postby OrigamiDragon » Wed Apr 12, 2017 5:24 pm

lionel2013 wrote:
I am proactively seeking her input. She simply does not respond to the topic.


At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I'll say it again: keep asking her questions as issues arise, and if you don't get an answer take action on your own. Simple as that.

But from the rest of your reply I get the sense there is more than that that is frustrating you. It's not just that she refuses to help you make decisions, she also does not actually help you in doing all these things for your kid (e.g., vaccinations, enrollment etc.). That is a totally different thing.

So now my question is: who has residential custody, or do you have 50/50?


If I don't do it, it doesn't get done. If I go to do it, she objects.

I am using all my time taking him to doctors since he hasn't been seen since 2013, library because his language is at a 3 year old level, parks so he can see other kids his own age, cooking so he gets over food phobias. Then I run around on my time to get these piles of paperwork done. All I do is ask mother for her input as I update her. He was habitually puking phlegm up every morning because he had untreated allergies. His shots were months overdue. He didn't start potty training until he was 4 and a half when I complained (before I had half legal).

She is the primary physical custodian, and I'll say flat out she is neglectfully abusing him. Minimum. He has tons of unexplained bruises for a kid who is kept cooped up inside all day.
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Re: Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Unread postby massdad1234 » Thu Apr 13, 2017 5:54 am

Inform but take action. Document. If you are doing all these things, keep doing them.

Could you become residential parent? Meaning if you documented all these actions over a period of time, file for modification.
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Re: Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Unread postby OrigamiDragon » Thu Apr 13, 2017 7:13 am

massdad1234 wrote:Inform but take action. Document. If you are doing all these things, keep doing them.

Could you become residential parent? Meaning if you documented all these actions over a period of time, file for modification.


I would be willing to, it seems like an impossible leap from where I'm at.
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Re: Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Unread postby astrolink » Thu Apr 13, 2017 7:28 am

"I am using all my time taking him to doctors since he hasn't been seen since 2013, library because his language is at a 3 year old level, parks so he can see other kids his own age, cooking so he gets over food phobias. Then I run around on my time to get these piles of paperwork done"

Sir, this is called parenting. Most don't have a scorecard as to who does the most. Do you not want to be as immersed into your child's life as much as possible?
“There are those that look at things the way they are, and ask why? I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?”
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Re: Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Unread postby OrigamiDragon » Thu Apr 13, 2017 7:38 am

Yes I do. I greatly enjoy it actually. My greatest concern is that I am doing the majority if not all of while seeing him much less than I want, and even that time is constantly objected to for literally no reasons.
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Re: Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Unread postby massdad1234 » Thu Apr 13, 2017 8:47 am

Continue to put the child's best interests first and use that as your north star. What is the court going to say? You shouldn't be doing those things? If the mother wont, you do. Don' t ask, just do. You should stop worrying about what she is going to do and handle your business. Document what you are doing and use that foundation to get more time. You should check out loving father of 2's post history. He climbed his way up from the cellar and now has 50/50. It didn't happen over night, but you have to start somewhere.

The only way you eat a whale is one bite at a time. Ideally you were doing these things from jump in the child's life so this won't be playing catch up. Essentially by letting things lapse the way you did, you were complicit. So turn that around every day and flip it towards you handling the business of your kids.

Handle this all over email:

"I have an appointment for blah, so i'll drop baby dearest off afterwards/keep overnight/blah blah"
"I am going to do x, y, z and so this is the schedule blah blah blah"
"Just to let you know I have done blah blah blah so blah"

Brief informative friendly firm
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Re: Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Unread postby OrigamiDragon » Thu Apr 13, 2017 9:50 am

The roadblock to all of this is the mother has him holed up in isolation with herself. She doesn't work, she doesn't take him anywhere, she only goes out 1/week on Wednesday nights (so of course I can't see him then). We also have to do public transitions to avoid more false PO issues (was lucky to smash the first one so effectively, unlucky all that effort got sealed behind closed doors with a settlement in my favor). Now she is denying midweeks because she doesn't have a car to pick him up past 7 and she didn't agree to overnights. Never anything about the needs of our son, full blown she expects to be worshiped for time with her pet. She wasn't like this year's ago, and I never expected it would take so long to get established, but I'm a year in to reasserting my rights and obligations and she will actively harm him just to spite me and that makes me bewildered.

She already denied the first midweek by not showing up, and implied through email she is considering if she will show up for my holiday weekend at all, since she won't give me equal time in a trade to accommodate her lack of transportation on his birthday right after (she wants him to go home Sunday night, come back Monday morning, come back Monday night, and lose 5 hours without makeup). Since I won't accept losing time she can't trust me to do as she says. How do I get him to preschool when she is exerting such unhealthy levels of control?
Last edited by OrigamiDragon on Thu Apr 13, 2017 9:58 am, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Unread postby Trevor » Thu Apr 13, 2017 9:51 am

Dr Childers.
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
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Re: Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Unread postby OrigamiDragon » Thu Apr 13, 2017 9:54 am

Trevor wrote:Dr Childers.


?
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Re: Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Unread postby Trevor » Thu Apr 13, 2017 10:40 am

Sorry, I was referring to the videos by Dr Childers about parental separation anxiety, which seems clear your x has, which is detrimental to the child. Not sure if you've been referred to them before, but it may be useful. Search "childers" on this site to find the links and more robust discussion of the topic.
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
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