Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Unread postby OrigamiDragon » Wed Apr 12, 2017 12:34 pm

What should I do when doctors, CPS reports, and early child educators are all noting my son is behind and mother is refusing to discuss anything? I just got joint legal April 1st so this is new to me. I want to get him into flexible start time preschool to avoid mother's transportation objections as well as a speech therapist. Mother flatly refused to enter her opinion or suggest any action, even inaction. Now what? My kid is being neglected and I'm the only one who cares.
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Re: Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Wed Apr 12, 2017 12:51 pm

Joint legal can mean a number of things, Bro.

At some point, when push comes to shove, someone hasta be final decision maker. Most of the time, we're talking about school and medical.

Who is final decision maker??

Tom
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Re: Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Unread postby OrigamiDragon » Wed Apr 12, 2017 12:53 pm

Tom Kirkpatrick wrote:Joint legal can mean a number of things, Bro.

At some point, when push comes to shove, someone hasta be final decision maker. Most of the time, we're talking about school and medical.

Who is final decision maker??

Tom


The GAL I assume. My lawyer is in high demand so I've been waiting for our appointment tomorrow but I want ideas of what to expect going in.
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Re: Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Wed Apr 12, 2017 1:03 pm

Typically, joint legal means that you have the legal right to talk to the doctors and teachers and inspect the documents generated by those professions as they relate to your child. It also means you have the legal authority to make the day to day decisions that effect your child.

There is also the expectation that the parents will consult with one another concerning major decisions about the child but that part is much trickier to enforce.
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Re: Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Unread postby lionel2013 » Wed Apr 12, 2017 1:42 pm

OrigamiDragon wrote:What should I do when doctors, CPS reports, and early child educators are all noting my son is behind and mother is refusing to discuss anything? I just got joint legal April 1st so this is new to me. I want to get him into flexible start time preschool to avoid mother's transportation objections as well as a speech therapist. Mother flatly refused to enter her opinion or suggest any action, even inaction. Now what? My kid is being neglected and I'm the only one who cares.


It means you should take unilateral action and effect a change if you believe the planned change is to your child's benefits. You need to continue to inform your X about all these decisions, but beyond that, if she is passive and/or does not have an opinion, move on and act as you deem fit. Then, if she doesn't agree she will let you know, and if she really has a strong objection to something she probably will force mediation or a court opinion.

But given how passive you say she is, I doubt that will happen.

Bottom line: you do not need tour X' approval to do what you believe is right, or necessary.
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Re: Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Unread postby OrigamiDragon » Wed Apr 12, 2017 2:04 pm

How does that work for preschool where he needs to be taken? It is a decision that greatly affects both our time. She is not passive, she is agressively gatekeeping and refusing to discuss, big difference.
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Re: Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Unread postby lionel2013 » Wed Apr 12, 2017 2:29 pm

Mother flatly refused to enter her opinion or suggest any action, even inaction. Now what? My kid is being neglected and I'm the only one who cares.


You yourself wrote this. To me, this = license for you to take action. Keep informing her but stop trying to get her input if she provides none, and take action.

Unless this:
She is not passive, she is agressively gatekeeping
, which is a totally different thing, you are contradicting yourself.
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Re: Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Unread postby steelmark » Wed Apr 12, 2017 2:31 pm

Was your child enrolled in pre-school prior to you being granted joint custody?

I'm not questioning your concern, but I'm asking why you suddenly get to change his pre-school?

If this were my case, the GAL would have taken up the school issue and made a recommendation since the parents can't agree.

Since its unknown who is actually in charge in your case (you or mom), taking the issue up with the GAL may get you some traction.
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Re: Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Unread postby OrigamiDragon » Wed Apr 12, 2017 2:42 pm

lionel2013 wrote:
Mother flatly refused to enter her opinion or suggest any action, even inaction. Now what? My kid is being neglected and I'm the only one who cares.


You yourself wrote this. To me, this = license for you to take action. Keep informing her but stop trying to get her input if she provides none, and take action.

Unless this:
She is not passive, she is agressively gatekeeping
, which is a totally different thing, you are contradicting yourself.


I am proactively seeking her input. She simply does not respond to the topic. I had to be the one to take him to the doctor to get his shots up to date (first time in nearly 4 years) so he was even enrollable. Ive been the one going to multiple preschools and applying for needs based aide and getting him qualified. Mother just fights about forgetting to read guidelines that I actually get time with him now, and won't I please spend less time with him because she can't bear the burden of driving...

steelmark wrote:Was your child enrolled in pre-school prior to you being granted joint custody?

I'm not questioning your concern, but I'm asking why you suddenly get to change his pre-school?

If this were my case, the GAL would have taken up the school issue and made a recommendation since the parents can't agree.

Since its unknown who is actually in charge in your case (you or mom), taking the issue up with the GAL may get you some traction.


No he was not, but he had multiple documented reasons he should have been. Mother knows he has speech problems and lied to the police she was going to get him treated during a CPS investigation a babysitter launched before I was seeing him again. The pediatrician couldn't even perform all her test because he was so behaviorly delayed. It's a trainwreck.
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Re: Joint Legal just a piece of paper?

Unread postby lionel2013 » Wed Apr 12, 2017 4:31 pm

I am proactively seeking her input. She simply does not respond to the topic.


At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I'll say it again: keep asking her questions as issues arise, and if you don't get an answer take action on your own. Simple as that.

But from the rest of your reply I get the sense there is more than that that is frustrating you. It's not just that she refuses to help you make decisions, she also does not actually help you in doing all these things for your kid (e.g., vaccinations, enrollment etc.). That is a totally different thing.

So now my question is: who has residential custody, or do you have 50/50?
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