Threats and threats to violate agreement

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Threats and threats to violate agreement

Unread postby fishdadlb » Sun Apr 09, 2017 2:30 am

New here, but lurking for a while...

My ex and I have had an agreement for the last three years (building on past agreements) that states that neither of us will change the holiday schedule. My lawyer had this very specific language added in because my ex kept finding ways to take my holidays when the old agreement was vague. So the new agreement states that Easter is the father's on odd years, mother's even, with the caveat that the Spring Break schedule trumps the holiday. Spring break interfered last year and I had them. So, of course, she thinks she should have them this year. The obvious answer, which I responded with, is that we have to stick to the agreement, which we both signed. She responded that she will show up on Saturday night with the expectation that the kids will come with her. Daughter (13) texted: "did you have us last year? Yes. It's simple. Please don't argue. It makes my life a living hell."

So, awesome. Manipulating a 13-year-old is not super hard for those willing to do it. I'm not. So I get to be the bad guy for following the argreement? This is a pattern, by the way. And my relationship with D13 is usually pretty good until her mother pulls this sort of thing. Son, 15, stays out of all of it, scarred by these sorts of arguments.

Thoughts for responding to it all? I'm not going to let her take Easter. That would mean violating the agreement, for one. But what if she shows up at my house trying to bully the kids into leaving with her? I could call the cops and show them the agreement, I guess. It all seems like a recipe to ruin the holiday, which maybe she's done already.
fishdadlb
New
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Sun Apr 09, 2017 1:43 am

Re: Threats and threats to violate agreement

Unread postby a dad » Sun Apr 09, 2017 2:52 am

Welcome.

There's also the option of swapping days.

How much parenting time do you have?

Does the Easter portion of your agreement include both the Saturday before and Easter Sunday?
User avatar
a dad
Moderator
 
Posts: 9286
Joined: Sun May 27, 2012 2:49 pm
Location: The Wild West

Re: Threats and threats to violate agreement

Unread postby Chaos » Sun Apr 09, 2017 3:17 am

Sounds like a lot of drama. Holidays should trump school breaks.
If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.
User avatar
Chaos
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 2260
Joined: Fri Mar 15, 2013 10:21 pm

Re: Threats and threats to violate agreement

Unread postby fishdadlb » Sun Apr 09, 2017 3:19 am

Technically, there's not an option to swap as the agreement states that neither parent will alter the holiday scheduled. According to the schedule, the person who has Easter has them the whole weekend. Her suggesting to take them on Saturday night doesn't mesh with anything in the agreement. Either you have the weekend or you don't. Not only is this my natural weekend to have them, it's also a holiday that they should be with me. Swapping doesn't work with her-give an inch, she takes a mile and never gives anything back. Thus my point that the best bet is to stick with the agreement that was filed with the court and that we both signed.

As to how often they are with me, I have every other weekend and every Thursday plus evenly split holidays and summer.
fishdadlb
New
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Sun Apr 09, 2017 1:43 am

Re: Threats and threats to violate agreement

Unread postby fishdadlb » Sun Apr 09, 2017 3:25 am

Chaos wrote:Sounds like a lot of drama. Holidays should trump school breaks.

I don't disagree, but she messed with the spring break schedule so much (splitting it between us instead of alternating every other year as I wanted) that the lawyers came up with this solution and she agreed. We even discussed that this could be the outcome (that one parent would get Easter three years in a row), and she - at the time- preferred that to having us do it my way (alternating spring breaks with Easter cutting in as it may). I wish we had recorded these sessions. But the outcome is a signed agreement. To AVOID drama. And yet...
fishdadlb
New
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Sun Apr 09, 2017 1:43 am

Re: Threats and threats to violate agreement

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Sun Apr 09, 2017 7:13 am

Good evening for a dinner out and a late movie.
User avatar
Fatheroffour
Moderator
 
Posts: 36174
Joined: Fri Oct 12, 2007 8:37 am
Location: Top of the world

Re: Threats and threats to violate agreement

Unread postby fishdadlb » Wed Apr 12, 2017 2:29 am

Fatheroffour wrote:Good evening for a dinner out and a late movie.


Love that idea. Unfortunately, since I looked at the agreement and figured it was my weekend, I've scheduled a church fundraiser at my house. I don't think she's actually going to show up. But if she does, it's going to be a bit of a mess - played out in front of some of the kids' friends. I want to underscore that my issue with her trying to mess with my holiday would stand even outside of this event. She just keeps trying to take them - it's pathological. Question is: what can I do if she does show up?
fishdadlb
New
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Sun Apr 09, 2017 1:43 am

Re: Threats and threats to violate agreement

Unread postby Trevor » Wed Apr 12, 2017 4:00 am

This comes off like you're just being a < edited >. Even though you stupidly booked a fundraising event while you have the kid, you're still fighting her over this. Brilliant thinking.
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
Trevor
Moderator
 
Posts: 22994
Joined: Mon Jan 31, 2005 8:55 pm

Re: Threats and threats to violate agreement

Unread postby fishdadlb » Tue Apr 18, 2017 3:07 am

Trevor wrote:This comes off like you're just being a < edited >. Even though you stupidly booked a fundraising event while you have the kid, you're still fighting her over this. Brilliant thinking.

Huh? I booked the event because I knew I had the kids. It's an annual event we do that they love being a part of, so I booked it on a weekend that the agreement said they would be with me. And they were, and they had a great time, and she didn't show up after all of this. I was worried that she would interfere with their participation even though the agreement was clear. She didn't end up doing that. All bark, no bite. I was just trying to figure out how to handle it if she had shown up, trying to bully them into going with her. She didn't. But she did cancel my daughter's upcoming birthday party because D13 didn't insist on having Easter with her (beyond her original text). Loyalty matters more than the agreement. Her words.
Last edited by fishdadlb on Tue Apr 18, 2017 3:25 am, edited 1 time in total.
fishdadlb
New
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Sun Apr 09, 2017 1:43 am

Re: Threats and threats to violate agreement

Unread postby fishdadlb » Tue Apr 18, 2017 3:14 am

(fundraiser was a Wii bowling party, not anything stuffy. Kids are a yearly part of it.)

My question still stands, though. The agreement was specifically designed to keep her from trying to mess with holidays. Like, her lawyer whole-heartedly agreed to it thinking I was the one who had tried to change the holiday schedule when it was brought up in our last mediation, and then had a client-aside moment when that lawyer realized that the history was that my ex has consistently tried to rearrange the holiday schedule through various manipulations/creative readings of previous agreements. Her lawyer frankly looked really pissed at her to learn this. And ex admitted to it! She wants what she wants when it comes to holidays. But a court-signed agreement ought to be worth something, right? I'm going to have to threaten to take her to court every time she does this? Neither of us have lawyers currently, so I'll either have to re-hire mine, or figure out how to go to court myself. Other ways to get someone to just freaking follow the agreement? Legally-worded warnings? The whole point of the agreement is to just have drama-free time with the kids, especially holidays. I don't ask for things outside of the agreement for this very reason. I just want her to do the same.
fishdadlb
New
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Sun Apr 09, 2017 1:43 am

Next

Return to Parenting - Child Custody Forum and Child Support Forum

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 7 guests