Ex moved without informing me (Joint Custody)

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Re: Ex moved without informing me (Joint Custody)

Unread postby Jm632 » Fri Mar 31, 2017 10:42 pm

BartSimpson wrote:Here's what joint legal custody means in a nutshell:

She can make decisions for the child on her time, you can make decisions for the child on your time.


Thank you
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Re: Ex moved without informing me (Joint Custody)

Unread postby 2Dadwipp » Fri Mar 31, 2017 11:02 pm

I have to ask why did you get so little time and overnights with this custody order? I can only guess it is because of the court appointed attorney mother unwilling to be fair because is terribly in favor of the child's mother. My interim temporary order is the same as this but I have Tuesday's also and in this situation my ex was unwilling to share and capable of telling lies about me having a serious mental illness because I was diagnosed with Bi Polar 20 years ago. She created a totally false history of events that never happened. On top of that I had an incompetent paid attorney who has been fired. But the conciliator believed it enough to place this order.
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Re: Ex moved without informing me (Joint Custody)

Unread postby QuentinDeNameland » Sat Apr 01, 2017 7:13 am

I have a similar situation happening: I have sole custody, with my D13 seeing the NJ mom every weekend for 36 hours. NJ had been living at her parents' house for about a year with her daughter from another marriage, who is about 4. Around December, a spy for me asked me if I was aware that NJ had moved to a new apartment -- a fact he had ascertained through social media. I said no, I was unaware of any move, because I was still picking up my daughter at the (grand)parents' house after each parenting-time visit.

We are now in April. Four months into this new domicile, no one has informed me of this move to a new apartment -- including my own daughter. I still continue to drive to my daughter's grandparents' house to pick her up. So the NJ mom is creating the fake reality that she is still living at her parents' house, is having me drive several miles out of the way to retrieve my daughter, and apparently my daughter is complicit in maintaining this facade. This silence on my daughter's part disturbs me; it seems like a subtle form of alienation.

NJ moved to this address, I think, in order to qualify her own pre-K daughter for a school. I don't know whether the apartment is large enough for my daughter to have her own room. I have seen the building on Google but still haven't driven by.

Needless to say, I hope to reveal this lack of good faith to the court at some point if/when further litigation ensues. (This concealment is another reason why I was/am leery of NJ's recent request to take our daughter on an international trip this summer. If she won't tell me her new local address, why should I trust her to leave the country with our daughter?)
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Re: Ex moved without informing me (Joint Custody)

Unread postby americandadof5 » Sat Apr 01, 2017 10:02 am

Have you asked NJ directly if she lives elsewhere? Otherwise i dont think you'll get far with the concealment argument. One thing I've learned so far is that some of the minor details that matter to us as dads/parents dont really matter in court unless you can matter of factly say something was done in bad faith.

For example, when NJ took my son, i didnt know where they were at first but thats mostly my fault because i didnt bother to ask when she picked him up for the summer. But when she revealed that she was keeping him vs sending him home and i then asked her where they were and she denied me, then that right there shows bad faith. That was concealment
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Re: Ex moved without informing me (Joint Custody)

Unread postby Jm632 » Sat Apr 01, 2017 4:38 pm

2Dadwipp wrote:I have to ask why did you get so little time and overnights with this custody order? I can only guess it is because of the court appointed attorney mother unwilling to be fair because is terribly in favor of the child's mother. My interim temporary order is the same as this but I have Tuesday's also and in this situation my ex was unwilling to share and capable of telling lies about me having a serious mental illness because I was diagnosed with Bi Polar 20 years ago. She created a totally false history of events that never happened. On top of that I had an incompetent paid attorney who has been fired. But the conciliator believed it enough to place this order.


At the time of our first court appearance for custody she wanted sole custody of my son, she then agreed joint custody only if i agreed to overnight to start when he turns 1 , apart from that i chose 2x time a week since he was at the time 7 months old and was hoping and having the expectations that i would get more parenting time as he got older , I know she would not grant me more time at the time since she didnt even want to give me overnights till he turns 1! My attornery thinks its outrageous but i agreed to it because since having joint custody was important to me i had the expectations of having more increased time in the future apart from that i believed also me and her (this is where i think i went wrong) could co parent without having to many guidelines and be able to share the child as she got more comfortable , unfortunately it didnt , ive asked her for more time and she has refused unless it works for her convience, say if she works late he can stay an extra night or whatsoever , but now that I served her for more and she files motion against me to dismiss what i ask for she being really passive aggressive even cutting down completely facetime with my son that i used to get Mon-friday and barely communicates with about his well being , its very frustrating i just hope the judge does not dismiss my petition and we are able to work out a scheduling plan that allows my son to not only continue to bond with me but as well grow stronger , hes very attached me to me but im bery afraid with all communications being cut off and him only seeing me when i pick him up that he loses that bond with me .... :cry:
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Re: Ex moved without informing me (Joint Custody)

Unread postby americandadof5 » Sun Apr 02, 2017 6:57 am

on what grounds has she asked for your petition to be dismissed? It doesnt sound like she left the state so it cant be about jurisdiction.

Where is mom supposed to be staying, how far from you?
Where did mom say she last lived at the time the initial order was agreed to?
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Re: Ex moved without informing me (Joint Custody)

Unread postby Jm632 » Sun Apr 02, 2017 7:14 am

americandadof5 wrote:on what grounds has she asked for your petition to be dismissed? It doesnt sound like she left the state so it cant be about jurisdiction.

Where is mom supposed to be staying, how far from you?
Where did mom say she last lived at the time the initial order was agreed to?


In her motion she stated I didnt provide factual change of circumstance for a request of modification so there is no need to change the current order which is just 2x per week visits with one overnight within my two days with only a christmas holiday. But this order isnt very specific and definitive the problem is the mother states this is what i agreed to consent but at the time like i said I had expectations for more time due to the fact that we have joint custody the baby was ony 7 months old and now hes going to be 2 and i requested for more time in my petition and for a more definitive holiday schedule with the hope of extending visitations as well that was my understanding. Either way when my son turns older and starts school its going to have to change anyway , so why not deal with it now instead of dealing with it later is my attorneys argument to her motion.

Mom was staying with her parents but she has moved somewhere local within her last location as far as i know now.

Our court date is May 4th , hoping the judge does not dismiss my petition.

My attornery also advises that if I may upset the judge I may lose my joint custody shes trying to be careful with ny case, this really concerns me as well.
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Re: Ex moved without informing me (Joint Custody)

Unread postby americandadof5 » Sun Apr 02, 2017 10:40 am

Well the judge cant just dismiss it without holding a hearing on the issue and letting both sides present their case. You'll need to prove that the change will be in the childs best interest. The change of circumstance can be a bit open to interpretation and gives judges a bit of discretion.
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Re: Ex moved without informing me (Joint Custody)

Unread postby BartSimpson » Sun Apr 02, 2017 10:50 am

The Judge can dismiss it when it is insufficient as submitted. Even if everything asserted in the modification's change of circumstance were true, if it doesn't amount to sufficient change, a Motion to Dismiss is appropriate. No hearing.

What does surprise me is the attorney asserting "upset the Judge" and the results are punishment by removing existing terms such as Joint Custody. That < bovine scat > is purely a scare tactic by the attorney to avoid doing something. Anyone who has witnessed a Contempt Hearing, knows an upset Judge still doesn't do much more than wag a finger until there are repetitive episodes otherwise. The attorney is ignoring the rights of the children to both parents with such a statement - we don't punish children because we are "upset" with a parent.

You've got an attorney problem.
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Re: Ex moved without informing me (Joint Custody)

Unread postby Trevor » Sun Apr 02, 2017 11:35 am

Especially if that atty isn't trying to correct the grave mistake you made by agreeing to less-than-standard parenting time.
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
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