Ex is refusing to pay for daycare since alimony ended

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Ex is refusing to pay for daycare since alimony ended

Unread postby TOC » Fri Mar 17, 2017 3:48 pm

So my ex is refusing to pay her share for daycare since she claims she "can't spend what she doesn't have."

What is my recourse here? I can't afford paying 100% of childcare...do I just pay my share (direct to the daycare like I always do)? I can't imagine that working since the daycare won't be receiving the full amount and will then cancel my son's registration.

Do I just pay for daily childcare (ie babysitter) for the days I have parenting time?

It's just very interesting she's using alimony ending as the scapegoat here...
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Re: Ex is refusing to pay for daycare since alimony ended

Unread postby BartSimpson » Fri Mar 17, 2017 4:09 pm

I'd start with an R3 letter - you've been around, do you remember what that involves?
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Re: Ex is refusing to pay for daycare since alimony ended

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Fri Mar 17, 2017 4:33 pm

This is why I prefer paying for child care through the state.

If she stops paying her share and the kids can no longer go to childcare I just file a motion to have child support recalculated.
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Re: Ex is refusing to pay for daycare since alimony ended

Unread postby TOC » Sat Mar 18, 2017 4:46 pm

Appreciate the replies.

I am familiar with the R3, although I do not believe I ever had to resort to it. My understanding is to word it as if a judge was reading it, correct?

Shall I simply reference the section of the divorce decree that makes mention of each parent's share of work-related child care? And in the meantime, do I pay 100% of the cost until this is straightened out, possibly with the help of the Courts?

And as for paying directly through the state, I'm not sure my state allows that but I will look into it and then see if child support can be adjusted accordingly if I am paying total cost of childcare.
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Re: Ex is refusing to pay for daycare since alimony ended

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Sun Mar 19, 2017 12:10 pm

When writing an R-3, use the BIFF rule: brief, informative, friendly and firm. Here's a couple of links:

viewtopic.php?f=8&t=77676&start=10

viewtopic.php?f=8&t=77676&start=10

TOC wrote:And as for paying directly through the state, I'm not sure my state allows that but I will look into it and then see if child support can be adjusted accordingly if I am paying total cost of childcare.
When it comes to NJ refusing to pay for daycare, you may need to think in terms of "child support deviation." Moreover, you may want Support Enforcement collecting that child support so you won't hafta deal with her.

Tom
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Re: Ex is refusing to pay for daycare since alimony ended

Unread postby TOC » Mon Mar 20, 2017 9:02 am

Great information, thank you.
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Re: Ex is refusing to pay for daycare since alimony ended

Unread postby TOC » Wed Apr 05, 2017 2:21 pm

Not to resurrect a dead thread, but I had a couple additional questions...

Technically my ex has until June 15th to reconsider and make her portion of the payment (literally only $305 for the entire summer's daycare program). As previously stated earlier in this thread, she is going with the "I can't spend what I don't have" excuse.

Should i wait until it gets closer to the cutoff date just in case she is bluffing or is the point of the R3 to get her to take this seriously now and if she doesn't, to basically to show the judge that I tried but got no where if it comes down to court intervention?

Based on reviewing the other topic of BIFF R3's, I was going to go with something like this:

Dear Ex,

Our son needs to be registered for summer daycare before June 15 and your refusal to pay your portion of the registration concerns me since we will both be working through the summer. I am open to discussing any other options with you.

-superdad


That it or should I ask for her to email/write me a response? Do I mention anything else? For example, my parents can most likely care for our son a couple days a week which would bring the cost down.

And now something off topic, one last thing, for the past five weeks, my ex has requested changing up the parenting schedule and asking to swap days, usually to give herself more weekend nights to herself without our son. They are mostly requests to swap days with her and I haven't really gained any additional time with my son. How often should I let this happen without just saying no more swapping, I'll take the extra night though? Seems she is getting carried away with this.

She also keeps mentioning in all of these emails that she "is just so overwhelmed right now with everything and can't even think straight enough to keep the days straight."

She is PPR/Custodial parent...is it worth filing to make myself the custodial parent? I'm the one who does everything with the parenting schedule, doctor appointments, taking off of work to be with sick son, daycare schedule, reminders of daycare field trips, takes off during the holiday breaks (Easter, Christmas, etc.), among other things...she is no where near acting like a custodial parent. I love taking care of my son and feel as if I already am the custodial parent.
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Re: Ex is refusing to pay for daycare since alimony ended

Unread postby BartSimpson » Wed Apr 05, 2017 2:23 pm

That is a great BIFF R3.

The excuse of being overwhelmed is silly. She just doesn't want to think about it.
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Re: Ex is refusing to pay for daycare since alimony ended

Unread postby TOC » Wed Apr 05, 2017 2:31 pm

She will most likely try to call me to discuss this. It took a long time to train her to use email only but I'm positive, knowing her, that this will trigger her to call with both guns blazing (if she even gets a small scent of someone trying to tell her what to do, she flies off the handle...always has). Granted I won't answer the call, but I'm not sure I'll ever get a written response....I'm assuming that is part of the plan behind the R3 as she'll look uncooperative if she does not respond?

Do I send this out now or wait until the deadline gets a bit closer?
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Re: Ex is refusing to pay for daycare since alimony ended

Unread postby BartSimpson » Wed Apr 05, 2017 3:08 pm

hmm . . . That's a consideration.

Might want to wait a little bit. May 15th?

What happens if she doesn't pay it? You pay it and attempt to collect later?
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