Preparing children for Sleeping at both households

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Preparing children for Sleeping at both households

Unread postby 2Dadwipp » Fri Mar 17, 2017 3:01 am

I need some advise from fathers who had to begin sharing custody of young children who are sleeping at dads for the first time and adjusting them to switching between homes. My daughter has recently told me that she doesn't want to sleep at my house because she will miss her mom. Her mother has been against sleepovers and I believe has been coaching her or trying to convince her that she shouldn't want to either. Her mother has made comments directly to her in front of me telling her that daddy is going to force her to sleep at my house as well as other comments like daddy is going to take her away from mommy. All of this I am sure is effecting how she feels about the subject. I understand the child is too young to make this decision but I want to make this transition as smooth and stress free as possible and looking for advise from dads who have been in this position.

How do you get them ready for the first night and how do you continue to transition them from two households successfully especially when the mother is not supporting of it. Has there been any challenges along the way.
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Re: Preparing children for Sleeping at both households

Unread postby hopeful dad » Fri Mar 17, 2017 3:48 am

Hey congratulations on moving back and taking control of the custody situation. That's the main hurdle and you have come over it quite well.

Ignore what mother is saying to her. I had to go to your first post to find children age. I thought your daughter is old. But on your children are too young. Your daughter don't get to chose. You have a toddler too. Pick both of them and have damn good time. Dustract your daughter if she says anything about where wants to stay. Soon it will become a routine.
Moving forward with distress behind!
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Re: Preparing children for Sleeping at both households

Unread postby 2Dadwipp » Fri Mar 17, 2017 4:35 am

That is what I thought. My 5 year old has always been very close to me. She wouldn't let mom put her to bed until she was 4. She only wanted me to. Since the separation and before I moved back, her mother would also have her sleep in bed with her and to make matters worse, I mentioned my ex was a pre kindergarten teacher, well my daughter is in her class so they are with each other literally all day and night since the split. Before we separated, she was in another school. The school was in the building I worked in, once we split she pulled her from her school, pulled some strings and put her into her classroom. So they are together all the time. I know when I am not around my ex is saying things to her to try to convince her that she shouldn't want to sleep at my house. My ex is always telling me that she is encouraging her to see me and to want to sleep at my house but I don't believe it. She also tells me that if I continue to press the issue that my daughter will end up hating me, all of which I don't believe. My concern is that she will succeed in brainwashing her into thinking that she doesn't want to stay with me, if not right away after some time.

My thoughts are that after they stay over a few times that they will be fine but if my ex continues to try to discourage them will their feelings change. Other than that, are there other things that help young children get used to the constant transition between homes?
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Re: Preparing children for Sleeping at both households

Unread postby grandetaco » Fri Mar 17, 2017 5:20 am

Think creative, nj is poisoning children and she needs the children more than the children needs her.
Read up on postpartum psychosis.

Get a cat, get a hamster, get a little gold fish aquarium,
then if all these wear off, put out the big guns, get a puppy!

Tell them that you have new stickers for them to decorate their rooms/beds,
Make it a ritualistic affair to go to Target and get theme bedding for them.
Heck, get some theme PJs too while you are at it.

You want to distract the children from the crap that NJ loads up in their simple heads.

While they are at yours play board games, play catch with a soft ball, play hide/seek.

Again pull out the bigs guns like bubble machines etc once in a while :-)

Remember, the main strategy is to rile up their emotions, and tell them what great time they will have and the fun stuff they will do.
Stuff like "I am excited to see you guys and play WII or play UNO", "I got a new Crazy Kake Mix, I can't wait to bake it with you guys"

Also, you need to downplay Ds anxiety like "Sure, if you miss mama we will figure something out"
Last edited by grandetaco on Fri Mar 17, 2017 8:52 am, edited 1 time in total.
“A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.”
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Re: Preparing children for Sleeping at both households

Unread postby Trevor » Fri Mar 17, 2017 7:45 am

Just don't cave. You know they will be safe and secure, and doing your best to see to their comfort. The kids may cry, but don't let a toddler win...they may test you. Never let them learn that all they have to do is [insert behavior] and Dad will cave and return us to mom.
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Re: Preparing children for Sleeping at both households

Unread postby afc » Fri Mar 17, 2017 7:55 am

Agree with grandetaco

Let these girls make their rooms at your place their own. No parent saying "camo doesnt really go with pink zebra stripes" kind of stuff. Let them make it entirely their own. That does go a long way.
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Re: Preparing children for Sleeping at both households

Unread postby astrolink » Fri Mar 17, 2017 8:27 am

When I first read the title of this thread, I wondered what the heck you were talking about. Then, you revealed your poisonous ex.

Some great ideas here. I did all kinds of things to give immediate comfort to the kids. Set up a tent in the living room. Had them camp out in sleeping bags in my room. Rented movies (rather than stream to have my 2 kids really spend some time deciding as a team what moves they wanted). Took them grocery shopping and had them compete on who get the best price per oz on what. Played board games. Taught them both how to play guitar and play songs/sing together. There's a a ton of stuff you can do and the acclimation time to sleepovers is.....1 night.
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Re: Preparing children for Sleeping at both households

Unread postby Chaos » Fri Mar 17, 2017 9:33 am

grandetaco wrote:Read up on postpartum psychosis.


Do you know what that is? Because you don't seem to know what that is. There is no evidence to suggest that she has postpartum psychosis.
If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.
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Re: Preparing children for Sleeping at both households

Unread postby 2Dadwipp » Fri Mar 17, 2017 9:41 am

This is great guys. These are things that I have already done with them and or thought about doing so I know I am doing the right things if it has worked for others. We talked about fish and a bunny just last night and I have also considered getting a puppy because she has definitely asked and I grew up with dogs and understand the work that goes into it. A puppy would really make my ex's blood boil so a win win scenario.

My toddler is the least of my concerns. I was there through her difficult infant stage and know how to sooths her and when she sees me lately, she won't let me put her down or leave my side if we haven't seen each other in a couple days. She is very affectionate and comfortable with me.

Any advice on how I make my ex recognize that what she is doing is wrong, get her to stop and admit her mistakes? Then get her to willingly co parent with me? While we are at it, have her agree that she doesn't need child support.

I am not aware of what postpartum psychosis is but I will try to learn about it now.
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Re: Preparing children for Sleeping at both households

Unread postby afc » Fri Mar 17, 2017 9:45 am

"Any advice on how I make my ex recognize that what she is doing is wrong, get her to stop and admit her mistakes? Then get her to willingly co parent with me? While we are at it, have her agree that she doesn't need child support."

Dude, if you could do anything to make that happen would you even be getting divorced?

Stop pipe dreaming.

And I highly recommend bunnies for a first pet. Sturdier than hamsters, live longer too. You can litter box train them and also have them in a cage. Less fuss for others to look after in case of vacation.

Also, building a really nice cage is a good father/daughter bonding task. My girls and I built a multi level one over the period of a few weeks. They were in on the design, helping me nail wood, everything.
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