Help reversing alienation

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Help reversing alienation

Unread postby Cole224 » Tue Mar 14, 2017 6:48 am

I'm still really glad I moved to be closer to my daughters. While an uphill battle, my relationships grow with my daughters everyday and it's wonderful. It's friggin tough though with all the alienating games that continue... Recently a friend, whom I've told not to send me this crap, sent me the below pick of a post from the NJ she put on FB. He sent it since it was shocking. I told him it's nothing new, she's been painting me black for over 12 years.

If the pic doesn't show up, it's NJ stating "He has caused nothing but stress, frustration, problems and tears from my girls eyes since he moved down here. Can't wait for the day he takes his controlling < hindquarters > back to Ohio! I've never disliked someone so much." I have no idea what's it's about.

Not like I didn't know alienation was happening forever but I also need help trying to reverse it since you cannot simply tell a child your moms lying or is a < female dog > when they have been programmed so deeply. I then read the article below looking for help. The correspondence between the counselor and the child brought me to tears but I found it really helpful. I think I'm on the right track.


http://www.parental-alienation.info/pub ... gaapar.htm
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Re: Help reversing alienation

Unread postby massdad1234 » Tue Mar 14, 2017 7:07 am

Who cares? Let her rail on in make believe land. The people who believe that aren't people you want in your life and children's life. Keep a journal of these events, but if she is appealing to the court of public opinion, you must be doing something right!! Your children have a right to equal access to both parents, she isn't the gate keeper.

Great job being closer. Where are you in the process?
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Re: Help reversing alienation

Unread postby Trevor » Tue Mar 14, 2017 7:21 am

You need always to be working on your kids' critical thinking skills. Are you challenging their assumptions and questions? Do you help them with their homework? How do you handle a disrespectful comment? By the way you should lose that idiot who cannot understand your admonishments not to engage in gossip. And you need to work on your own impulsive behavior. Emotional intelligence work is needed here.
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
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Re: Help reversing alienation

Unread postby Cole224 » Tue Mar 14, 2017 8:17 am

massdad1234 wrote:Who cares? Let her rail on in make believe land. The people who believe that aren't people you want in your life and children's life. Keep a journal of these events, but if she is appealing to the court of public opinion, you must be doing something right!! Your children have a right to equal access to both parents, she isn't the gate keeper.

Great job being closer. Where are you in the process?


You're right, thank you. It'll bother me for a day or two and it should not. I do keep a journal. What process? My daughters are 17 & 18. Junior/senior. NJ can't do anything about the situation but complain and alienate. The girls and I see each other everyday. I pick them up from their moms 1-3 times a day, taking them to school and cheer practices, and we do things on the weekends and after school often. Only weird recent issue is overnights. I don't force it, it's completely up to them. When Their mom didn't have wifi they spent the night a lot. Then she got wifi. Teens...what's odd but obvious is they have no rational reason lately to not want to be in my house. They say it stinks. It doesn't. What I did notice was their mom tells them to go change their clothes when they get home because they smell like my truck or house. Each daughter made this comment about the mom saying this to them on their own and independent of each other at different times. They often check themselves before going back into moms house. If you're a alienator, i can't think of a better way to persuade a teenage girl to not want to be at dads house. Touch their self esteem where it hurts right, cruel.
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Re: Help reversing alienation

Unread postby jumanji » Tue Mar 14, 2017 8:29 am

Unfriend the "friend".

What I always told my kids (whether it was "sibling's lying" or "friend said" or "Dad said") was that we each see things through our own set of glasses. So when we see something as an untruth, the other person usually sees it as true. The Truth is somewhere between what we see and what they see. Doesn't mean they're lying, they just have a different perspective. And it is best - in most situations - to consider what we observe, using that to base our own opinions on.
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Re: Help reversing alienation

Unread postby afc » Tue Mar 14, 2017 8:31 am

With the "it stinks" regarding your truck and house, are you or someone who lives there a smoker?
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Re: Help reversing alienation

Unread postby Cole224 » Tue Mar 14, 2017 8:37 am

Trevor wrote:You need always to be working on your kids' critical thinking skills. Are you challenging their assumptions and questions? Do you help them with their homework? How do you handle a disrespectful comment? By the way you should lose that idiot who cannot understand your admonishments not to engage in gossip. And you need to work on your own impulsive behavior. Emotional intelligence work is needed here.


Yes, you're correct and I need to continue to work on my impulsive behavior.

I try to help with homework but they're a little old and don't want my help normally. Sometimes I do.
I correct any disrespectful behavior by telling them do not talk to me in that tone or watch what you say, be respectful. Basically that. Normally I get the stop talking dad, I'm not in the mood routine. Which they are flat out moody at times.

Once in a long while I'll just ignore certain statements they make that are false coming from their mom. Basically from my fatigue of the topic since ive addressed it before. I think that was wrong and I need to nip it Tactfully in the butt. Latest was telling a daughter she had a witness to something I said which Nj falsely spun around to fit her narrative and now the daughter stares nj has 4 witnesses. I ignored that statement from the daughter.,it wasnt on topic, daughter was upset about something else slightly related. . The daughter said it out of the blue. I think she was looking for clarity maybe, I should have challenged them again to think about how would that even be possible.. It takes a novel to explain these twisted manipulations.
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Re: Help reversing alienation

Unread postby Cole224 » Tue Mar 14, 2017 8:39 am

afc wrote:With the "it stinks" regarding your truck and house, are you or someone who lives there a smoker?


No. Their mom is though.
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Re: Help reversing alienation

Unread postby afc » Tue Mar 14, 2017 8:41 am

hmm..so maybe fresh air is what smells weird to them...
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Re: Help reversing alienation

Unread postby Cole224 » Tue Mar 14, 2017 9:09 am

afc wrote:hmm..so maybe fresh air is what smells weird to them...

lol I've actually had that conversation with them, I didn't mention smoking but that maybe it's the "lack" of girly smell good stuff in my house they're smelling.

We do both have dogs. I'll light vanilla candles or have the windows open all day and sometimes they will still use it as an excuse. Very odd. It's as if they don't know why they don't want to be in my house, they just think they don't want to be and I base this oddness on the mom has made them feel like they are smelly if they are around dad.
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