CA father - child support/custody time

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

CA father - child support/custody time

Unread postby sencha19 » Mon Mar 13, 2017 3:02 pm

Hi everyone, it has been some time since I last posted. Final divorce decree was signed a little less than a year ago. At that time, the NJ was still living in a DV shelter far from the former marital home. She suddenly left the shelter and came back to live with me and my parents in the same home (parents own the home). My question is on the settlement agreement I ended up with only 30% custody time but since NJ left the shelter, I have had at least 50% if not more so how do I show the court a new status quo has been established for my kid along with my ex not paying rent I definitely want CS and custody to be fair. I get along decently with my ex but when I asked her to sign a 50-50 agreement she said no since CS would go down. She does not spend any money on our daughter. I am thinking about filing a motion to update CS but worried if I <urine> off ex that she will go live somewhere else and complicate the schedule and transportation for our daughter. Some background on my ex, she has been on welfare (wic, ebt and medicaid) since our divorce and only works part time. She has no car or license so I usually help her get to or from work to our home.
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Re: CA father - child support/custody time

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Mon Mar 13, 2017 10:31 pm

Don't file anything until you've established 50/50 status quo for at least 6 months. To help solidify this, you should be keeping a well-written journal and parenting time tracker. As you build your case, maintain radio silence. The last thing you need to do is tip her off.

Read this thread on what not to do:

viewtopic.php?f=7&t=78512&p=895055&hilit=facto#p895055

In this case, OP moved closer to be with his children. But instead of establishing 6 month's status quo, he filed soon after he moved. The moment she got served, his ex immediately reverted back to the terms of the decree. You hafta guard against that by filing an Injunction in ex parte. To get a better idea, read Steps 6 & 7 in The List.

http://forum.dadsdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=13374

Remember, radio silence is an integral part of your game plan.

BTW - This falls within the category of de facto custody, but with a twist; you're living together. That means you could get child support stopped altogether. But I would hold off on that 'til you've established 50/50 status quo for a minimum of 6 mos. Because if she walks out after 6 mos, you can successfully argue in court for 50/50 and likely get it. But if she walks out before 6 mos, you're stuck with the parenting plan you've got. I trust this makes sense.

California's a 50/50 state. But with 30% parenting time, I assume you weren't married to this woman.

Why did you settle for 30%??

Tom
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Re: CA father - child support/custody time

Unread postby jumanji » Tue Mar 14, 2017 5:53 am

Note: her receiving state benefits, if the kid was included, could affect any attempted CS mod.
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Re: CA father - child support/custody time

Unread postby sencha19 » Tue Mar 14, 2017 2:33 pm

Hi Tom, thanks for the great advice and for the link to the other person's related issue.

I agree 30% is ridiculous. A lot of it had to do with the shelter and the fact my ex filed false DV charges (unfounded by the judge). I was treated like a stereotypical abuser despite having not oke shred of evidence against me. Typical women using the DV card. The origin of my crappy custody time started with the ex running away with my kid to that dv shelter. That was the beginning of my nightmare. Even though I filed for divorce baxl then she filed the RO and DV charges so I spent more than $20k on defending myself on that alone nevermind the actual custody issues. I had a very bad lawyer back then which made it worse. After the first trial I had less than 10% time! After I hired a new and more competent lawyer my ex started to play ball and give me more time. The shelter definitely was coaching my ex the whole time. Ex told me all the stuff the shelter made her do.

At the last settlement conference, I had about 30% and the judge insisted he would not award me more
Time so quickly. He pushed my lawyer and ex's lawyer to do an out of court settlement. But I agree I should have been more
Aggressive and pushed for 50%. The funny thing is that my ex thought the agreement she signed was already 50/50.

Yes, we were married but less than 2 years.

I feel grateful my daughter is living at home with me and my parents and even my ex (to some degree). I am a little concerned what ex would do if and when I do file the exparte and get an order in my favor.

When she moves out can she ask the court for me to pay CS again? Unfortunately she is the primary parent.
I definitely want to save on the CS I am paying but trying to be careful not to negatively impact my daughter who is 4.
I feel confident status quo has been established not just because it has been more than 6 months but also because my daughter goes to daycare very close by. Her daily life is all in my area.

Tom Kirkpatrick wrote:Don't file anything until you've established 50/50 status quo for at least 6 months. To help solidify this, you should be keeping a well-written journal and parenting time tracker. As you build your case, maintain radio silence. The last thing you need to do is tip her off.

Read this thread on what not to do:

viewtopic.php?f=7&t=78512&p=895055&hilit=facto#p895055

In this case, OP moved closer to be with his children. But instead of establishing 6 month's status quo, he filed soon after he moved. The moment she got served, his ex immediately reverted back to the terms of the decree. You hafta guard against that by filing an Injunction in ex parte. To get a better idea, read Steps 6 & 7 in The List.

http://forum.dadsdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=13374

Remember, radio silence is an integral part of your game plan.

BTW - This falls within the category of de facto custody, but with a twist; you're living together. That means you could get child support stopped altogether. But I would hold off on that 'til you've established 50/50 status quo for a minimum of 6 mos. Because if she walks out after 6 mos, you can successfully argue in court for 50/50 and likely get it. But if she walks out before 6 mos, you're stuck with the parenting plan you've got. I trust this makes sense.

California's a 50/50 state. But with 30% parenting time, I assume you weren't married to this woman.

Why did you settle for 30%??

Tom
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Re: CA father - child support/custody time

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Wed Mar 15, 2017 5:04 pm

sencha19 wrote:Ex told me all the stuff the shelter made her do.
Specifically, what did the DV Shelter make her do?? This is critical info for the newbie.

FYI - DV shelter coaching is the worst kind.

Q: Do you think NJ has seen the error of her ways and perhaps is willing to make amends in the form of 50/50??

sencha19 wrote:At the last settlement conference, I had about 30% and the judge insisted he would not award me more time so quickly.
The judge had little choice. Undoubtedly, he was under political pressure from the DV Shelter.

sencha19 wrote:I am a little concerned what ex would do if and when I do file the ex parte and get an order in my favor.
Your ex will do what she's gonna do. Because no matter what you do, it's gonna be wrong. And that's why, when you file for decree modification in family court, in order to maintain the status quo you currently enjoy, you immediately go to ex parte and get an Injunction (among a list of other things). That way, she can't revert back to the terms of the original parenting plan.

Same case, two venues;
1) family court
2) ex parte

Since it'll be many months before you see a family court judge, the temporary order from ex parte bridges that gap between the time you file and the time you see the family court judge. Does this make sense??

FYI - An ex parte order is not a "stand-alone" order. Before you can get an ex parte order, you must have simultaneously filed for similar relief in family court. Steps 6 & 7 in The List.

Here's the deal: Decree notwithstanding, Judges grant tremendous latitude to parents who act in the best interest of their children. In your case, both parties and D4 live together in your parent's house. This constitutes a significant change in circumstance since the last order was written. At the same time, unencumbered by decree provisions, D4 enjoys equal access to both parents. Without doubt, such access is in D4's best interest.

What you have therefore, is de facto custody. It's incumbent upon you therefore, to protect that with an Injunction, because I doubt you will get a second chance.

sencha19 wrote:When she moves out can she ask the court for me to pay CS again?
That's why it's important that you file before she moves out. But before you file, there's an important strategy as to what you file and when. For example:

1) Geographic restriction. NJ can move where she chooses. But D4 remains in your home and in her school district. D4's daily life is in your area. It's important that nothing changes for her. This is best interest. Filing should occur when D4 starts kindergarten - or thereabouts; in your school district.

2) Injunction: This locks status quo (6 mos minimum) in place 'til you appear in family court.

3) Child support, recalculate per state calculator. Impute NJ's wages; minimum wage at 40 hrs/wk.

4) Temporary Restraining Order. Pin her to the mat. This might force her to settle to your terms.

5) Exclusive Use and Occupancy. Kick her out of your parents' house. No more free ride.

6) Get an order granting you Primary Parent. You become decision maker, especially school choice and medical.

This'll get you started. Meanwhile, maintain radio silence. You must never tip your hand.

Tom
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Re: CA father - child support/custody time

Unread postby astrolink » Wed Mar 15, 2017 7:21 pm

If I understand you correctly, she is living in your parents home with you and getting full welfare benefits? She must claim all household income of everybody or she is committing welfare fraud.
“There are those that look at things the way they are, and ask why? I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?”
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Re: CA father - child support/custody time

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Wed Mar 15, 2017 11:06 pm

sencha19 wrote:.....she has been on welfare (wic, ebt and medicaid) since our divorce and only works part time.
1) If she's collecting welfare, do the welfare folks know you exist??

IMHO - More coaching from the DV Shelter, I suspect. They helped her fill out welfare forms.

2) Are you current on your child support?? Is it court-ordered?? How are you paying her??

Tom
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