Shared custody for a recovery Alcoholic

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Re: Shared custody for a recovery Alcoholic

Unread postby Havalu7 » Wed Mar 15, 2017 8:11 pm

OP how are you doing?

How many days do you have now?

Keep us posted and post here, PM me or other members if you are thinking about picking up.

If you dont do it for yourself think of your kid/kids bra.
”No is a complete sentence” Unknown
User avatar
Havalu7
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1303
Joined: Wed Jan 27, 2016 10:43 am

Re: Shared custody for a recovery Alcoholic

Unread postby grandetaco » Thu Mar 16, 2017 9:08 am

Op,

Think what she will/can say in court, how could she trip you or cast doubt, give us a list please.
“A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.”
grandetaco
500+ Posts
 
Posts: 867
Joined: Tue May 05, 2015 7:59 am

Re: Shared custody for a recovery Alcoholic

Unread postby InTheRightFight » Thu Mar 16, 2017 3:42 pm

I have been sober just about 9 months now and I have no cravings or desire to drink at all. My ex is planning on this type of attack against my character. I know this because she has told me and others that this is the reason she is seeking full custody.

She is going to claim that she believes I am still drinking and have manipulated the system and everyone around me. Including her, my therapist, my psychiatrist and family.

She is going to also claim that my mental illness is a factor in the child's safety and I should not be allowed overnights.
I was diagnosed with Bi Polar disorder along time ago and have been successfully taking medication for a long time.
The reason why this is so upsetting is because she knows that neither the Bi polar diagnoses or my previous issues with alcohol has ever had any effect on the child. But she knows that this is her only defense to get the custody she wants.

My therapist has seen both of us on many occasions and the therapist believers that my ex is suffering from either post par dome depression or a hormone imbalance because her feelings and actions came out of the blue. My ex has never once mentioned my mental illness or alcohol problems as effecting my parenting. She has only said how great of a father I am.

My therapist will testify if asked. She will testify based on her notes and this should help.

She claims that she has a receipt for a bar using my credit card. Now this bar receipt is from a restaurant that has a separate take out beer store as well as a bar. It has three names but all one business. confused? I ordered take out food from the restaurant called Frank's Pizza. The Fox Hunt Tavern is a separate building next door with the same owner. It shows up on a credit card receipt as the taverns name. That is the only thing she has but I didn't visit the tavern I order a pizza for delivery.
InTheRightFight
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 11
Joined: Sun Mar 12, 2017 12:25 pm

Re: Shared custody for a recovery Alcoholic

Unread postby BartSimpson » Thu Mar 16, 2017 4:00 pm

She has no case.

Do you understand that? She cannot make a case of what she *thinks* is happening, or going to happen.

She has no case.
Volenti non fit injuria
User avatar
BartSimpson
20K Club
 
Posts: 25728
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 8:50 pm

Re: Shared custody for a recovery Alcoholic

Unread postby InTheRightFight » Thu Mar 16, 2017 10:30 pm

I am glad to hear this because I was worried that with the past DUI convictions and Bi polar diagnoses along with her willingness to lie in court that a judge would believe her. IS there anything else I should do to prepare for in defending her allegations that alcohol will effect my child's safety? Can she make the court order a hair follicle test? Or do I need to do anything else to prepare for a trial?
InTheRightFight
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 11
Joined: Sun Mar 12, 2017 12:25 pm

Re: Shared custody for a recovery Alcoholic

Unread postby BartSimpson » Thu Mar 16, 2017 10:32 pm

Are you familiar with SMART Recovery? Have you ever looked at their website?
Volenti non fit injuria
User avatar
BartSimpson
20K Club
 
Posts: 25728
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 8:50 pm

Re: Shared custody for a recovery Alcoholic

Unread postby InTheRightFight » Fri Mar 17, 2017 12:13 am

I was not aware of that site but I just checked it out and registered but not sure if it is something right for me. I admit, that AA and other support groups were never something I enjoyed or found value in. I never got into the sharing my struggles or experiences with a room full of strangers and in turn listening to others share horror stories. I also never got into finding a sponsor and telling them my problems and people effected etc, to have them work a 12 step program with me. Or the countless meetings at diners over coffee, that never was appealing to me. Although I am not knocking it, I only say that I never felt comfortable in that setting.

But if going to AA meetings would help, I would be at the next meeting. I am not concerned at all with my ability to stay sober only with making sure the courts do not think alcohol will effect my ability to share custody.
InTheRightFight
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 11
Joined: Sun Mar 12, 2017 12:25 pm

Re: Shared custody for a recovery Alcoholic

Unread postby grandetaco » Fri Mar 17, 2017 5:44 am

InTheRightFight wrote:I have been sober just about 9 months now and I have no cravings or desire to drink at all. My ex is planning on this type of attack against my character. I know this because she has told me and others that this is the reason she is seeking full custody.

She is going to claim that she believes I am still drinking and have manipulated the system and everyone around me. Including her, my therapist, my psychiatrist and family.

She is going to also claim that my mental illness is a factor in the child's safety and I should not be allowed overnights.
I was diagnosed with Bi Polar disorder along time ago and have been successfully taking medication for a long time.
The reason why this is so upsetting is because she knows that neither the Bi polar diagnoses or my previous issues with alcohol has ever had any effect on the child. But she knows that this is her only defense to get the custody she wants.

My therapist has seen both of us on many occasions and the therapist believers that my ex is suffering from either post par dome depression or a hormone imbalance because her feelings and actions came out of the blue. My ex has never once mentioned my mental illness or alcohol problems as effecting my parenting. She has only said how great of a father I am.

My therapist will testify if asked. She will testify based on her notes and this should help.

She claims that she has a receipt for a bar using my credit card. Now this bar receipt is from a restaurant that has a separate take out beer store as well as a bar. It has three names but all one business. confused? I ordered take out food from the restaurant called Frank's Pizza. The Fox Hunt Tavern is a separate building next door with the same owner. It shows up on a credit card receipt as the taverns name. That is the only thing she has but I didn't visit the tavern I order a pizza for delivery.


Great,
Here is how you need to think, think like the Judge, who has less than 5 minutes to make a decision, so you need to nail it in the pleadings.

1. Admit you had an issue with alcohol - but show how you have turn things around and reached out for help. But very subtly implicate her - tell a story about how you guys were young and both of like to party and drink. You realized that you needed help and you did what you had to do.
2. Call her out - tell the court how you are trying your best to be super dad and work with nj but is engaging in venomous litigation against you. Then tell the court that you are still trying your best to work with her to be great parents. She is not supportive of you being an involved dad.
You need to mention how concerned you are about her and her post partum issues. You need to say you are and were concerned about her safety and the child's safety and asked her many times to get help for her deep post partum issues. But she refuses. Quote some of the stuff she says and does which are indicative of post partum [you need to read up on the topic and write exactly how the symptoms are detailed].
3. Fall back - This is very important, show the court that you have an on going relationship with a therapist and which shows that you have an avenue for support if you ever get the urge again.
4. Think of other stuff you could do make you look like the poster child super dad and that will put her on the defensive.
5. Explain things away - The Bar/Restaurant receipt don't mean shite, think if you really wanted to hide and drink you could have paid in cash.

In all, this is flipping Family Court, the truth has no place here, if you scream what is true in court, you will look like an unreasonable, controlling, abusive dad who likes to drink tequila all day with muy caliente mamacitas.

You need to come up to a coherent, plausible story, in which you are the victim, trying to save your nj and child. Then back that story up with all the stuff you are doing witih the experts like your therapist.

You main aim in your initial pleading is not go out and make wild accusations but strongly beat your own drum and seed thoughts about your krazy ex in the judge's head.

Then add more to that later with "Here we go again your honor, ......."
Last edited by grandetaco on Fri Mar 17, 2017 9:07 am, edited 1 time in total.
“A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.”
grandetaco
500+ Posts
 
Posts: 867
Joined: Tue May 05, 2015 7:59 am

Re: Shared custody for a recovery Alcoholic

Unread postby BartSimpson » Fri Mar 17, 2017 8:37 am

The reason I mention SMART Recovery is because that should be the rhetoric that you present in the discussion of your situation with the judge or any other third-party.

You had a compulsive behavior - not a disease.
You have the motivation to stop the compulsive behavior.
You (with medication) control the urges to engage in the compulsive behavior.
You replace the old behavior for a new behavior, with a change of thinking - rational thinking.
The new behavior becomes the normal behavior, and you are done with the problem.

SMART does have Face-to-face meeting in most areas, but this scientific approach differes like night and day to AA or 12 Step dogma. You are responsible, no diety involved, and there is an exit door.

Spend some time reading SMART on-line, practice some of the tools - like the CBA, and with your excellent sobriety you should be learning about the ABC tool. I urge you to become familiar with this cognitive behavioral therapy so that you can discuss it when the time comes. The four points of SMART are an excellent elevator speech for discussing your unwanted behaviors and what you have done about changing them.

The problems with AA are well documented. If you haven't seen Orange-Papers.org, you should look at the various disputes with 12 Steps, it lack of success, and how it is a religion and a cult.
Volenti non fit injuria
User avatar
BartSimpson
20K Club
 
Posts: 25728
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 8:50 pm

Re: Shared custody for a recovery Alcoholic

Unread postby InTheRightFight » Fri Mar 17, 2017 10:09 am

Grandetaco, that is some great stuff and to be honest, there is a lot of truth to it when it comes to my ex. I can explain things in this way when describing the situation I am in with her.

I will also make sure to learn what I can about SMART. And if it is not like AA and I don't have to give it up to my divine power and admit defeat in order to heal, it sounds like something I can work with,
InTheRightFight
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 11
Joined: Sun Mar 12, 2017 12:25 pm

PreviousNext

Return to Parenting - Child Custody Forum and Child Support Forum

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Moz Roger [Crawler], MrCoolDC, Yandex [bot] and 11 guests