14 year old daughter refusing to speak

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

14 year old daughter refusing to speak

Unread postby BeansDad » Sat Mar 11, 2017 1:11 am

Long story short, I've been divorced since 2005. My kids, now ages 14 and 17, still live in Texas with their mother and stepfather. The relationship between their mother and I has always been hostile. I've tried to keep the kids out of it but she doesn't hide it. Anyway, I have the kids out to CA every summer for about 6-8 weeks. Other than that, our relationship is electronic. I don't have the funds for extra travel back and forth. My 14 year old daughter recently decided she's angry with me and has stated that we "don't have a relationship" and she refuses to speak to me. She has said that she won't be coming out this summer as well. She won't answer calls or texts. I'm feeling helpless. I want to work it out; I know where I've made mistakes and can own them. My 17 year old son and I have a great relationship and speak daily. I know her mother is supporting her in this, and I don't know what I can do or what power I have. I don't pay her cell phone bill, so I can't "make" her speak to me. As far as I know, I can't make her visit either. So what am I supposed to do? Let the relationship with my daughter completely disintegrate? I can't afford to call a lawyer so I'm hopeful that someone here will have some advice. I've always taken the high road and not given details to my kids, but I'm feeling like that was a mistake and now I've got a very pissed off 14 year old who is likely blaming me for everything. Any advice, legal or otherwise?
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Re: 14 year old daughter refusing to speak

Unread postby gamingdad » Sat Mar 11, 2017 2:00 am

Just out of curiosity, why do you live so far away?
What was the parenting plan set to be?
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Re: 14 year old daughter refusing to speak

Unread postby BeansDad » Sat Mar 11, 2017 2:17 am

My job transferred me.
The decree states that I have Wednesday nights and every other weekend, as well as rotating holidays and 5 weeks each summer. Obviously this has not happened since I've been living in CA.
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Re: 14 year old daughter refusing to speak

Unread postby BeansDad » Sat Mar 11, 2017 2:17 am

6 weeks, sorry. Auto correct fail.
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Re: 14 year old daughter refusing to speak

Unread postby Trevor » Sat Mar 11, 2017 7:23 am

If your job doesn't pay enough to travel back frequently to see your kids, then the solution to your problem is to find a job near your kids. Your resistance to this solution would be a bigger problem, and the actual problem, should you balk at my suggestion. Your inability to finance a legal case is not the problem.
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
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Re: 14 year old daughter refusing to speak

Unread postby massdad1234 » Sun Mar 12, 2017 9:40 pm

Recently decided? More like finally got the courage to say something. You have zero meaningful contact with your own child and are annoyed she is displeased? Did you think she would be 7 years old for the rest of her life? You own child has been raised more by a legal stranger more than you, go be her father FFS!!
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Re: 14 year old daughter refusing to speak

Unread postby jumanji » Mon Mar 13, 2017 6:13 am

Are you involved in a relationship in CA that involves kids (girls in particular)?

Keep in regular contact, even if you get no response. It will eventually click.

Find out about her interests and become conversant in them. You need to 'speak her language'.

Best plan, though, really is to relocate.
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Re: 14 year old daughter refusing to speak

Unread postby grandetaco » Wed Mar 15, 2017 5:51 am

Op, this is hard top, emotionally hard.

You are fighting nj's poisoning and it is not your child who is refusing to speak go you, it is nj's constant barrage of hate speech she throws at D.

Keep sending messages to D, start by apologizing, tell her how much you love her, how much you miss taking to her. How are you looking forward to moving closer to them.

Do you best to build, rebuild the bridge.

Then, you must strategize to defeat nj at her own game, you must elate yourself to Samurai-nj.
yeah go get some fake eye brows put em on and send it to your D, asking her if you look pretty.
No, seriously, you have to keep pounding it to both children and they need to love both parents. You need to cast doubt into what nj feeds her daily, hourly. You do this by seeding thoughts and ideas. Statements like, you guys need to love your mother dearly and I will never tell you think otherwise.

You need to add to that very gently that anyone who says little girls should not love their fathers is just wrong, just evil. Do this without ever mentioning nj in any form.

This will not be a one day, one week, even one month thing, it took me 1.5 years to turn my child around somewhat and it is a daily battle to keep nj's programming out their heads.
“A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.”
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Re: 14 year old daughter refusing to speak

Unread postby Cole224 » Wed Mar 15, 2017 7:14 am

You're not going to want to hear it but you must move closer. That must be your primary goal. You will never be able to control/change your x or the alienation convo's with your daughter, so you need to be the best dad you can be so they don't grow up all screwed up. .

I was in your boat once, I felt I was losing them when they became teenagers. What you have going for you is she has told you what bothers her. That's the cry for help. You must move closer.
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Re: 14 year old daughter refusing to speak

Unread postby FlyGuySLO » Wed Mar 15, 2017 9:35 am

If you don't move close enough to maintain the custody schedule as outlined, then you are the cause of the problem.

Once you move closer, I would try for more custody but the kids are old enough where that may not matter or be feasible.

I also went through a strained time w/ S14 and maintaining consistency was the only thing that got things back on track.

Good luck and start planning your move.
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