Child Support Guidelines and Suspicious Tax Return

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Child Support Guidelines and Suspicious Tax Return

Unread postby pharoeandisis » Mon Mar 06, 2017 3:58 pm

As a result of an argument with my 15 year old daughter, both of my daughters have left me for their mother. Their mother is willing to comply with the Divorce Decree for 50/50 parenting time, but not until our daughters want to come back. In the meantime, she wants more child support. My ex-wife thinks our kids can make this decision. In my opinion, she's in-contempt of our Divorce Decree because she is directing, enabling and encouraging our daughters to stay with her. She's also in-contempt because of her disparaging remarks she makes about me. I know this because she having my youngest daughter do her bidding for her, i.e., she had my daughter call and text me for more child support. For example, my youngest daughter sent the following text. "Hello, I know it been a while (since mid- October 2016). My sister and I are still trying to recover but I just wanted to tell you, if you do sign those paper (custody modification and new child support) to pay mom more money that I know you have you just don't want to spend, I would be very willing to spend time with you, grandpa and uncle. If you sign these papers I will be extremely happy and I will spend time with you and your side of your family." How does my youngest daughter get this time of information? In my opinion, this is essentially blackmail and extortion that is being directed by my ex-wife.

My ex-wife (self-employed hairdresser out of the home) used her 2016 Tax Return which is filled with errors and under reporting of income for completing the child support calculation. Her attorney provided me with her tax return. Among many things, she's claiming a taxable wage of $3,600 and getting a huge refund, i.e., -16% tax rate. She's attempted to defraud me and the IRS. I'm considering reporting her to the IRS for falsifying her tax return and under reporting her income. I suspect she gets a lot of cash payments and doesn't report it but reports all her business expenses.

Besides hiring an attorney, does anyone have anything to share? Any advice.
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Re: Child Support Guidelines and Suspicious Tax Return

Unread postby BartSimpson » Mon Mar 06, 2017 4:13 pm

It's not your job to enforce the Tax Code.

You do not have to pay more child support. The mother would be required to seek a modification to the custody order first, at which time you could challenge the mother's use of the child's choice.

You should plainly and firmly tell your daughter to butt out - this is not her business. You might also remind your daughter that it is a Court Order, not a suggestion.

Stop using the term "contempt", which is an offense against the Judge. The mother is in violation of the order, but violating the order itself does not make it contempt.

Can I ask you this - having been in your shoes - what relationship do you want with your daughter when she is an adult in just a few years?
Volenti non fit injuria
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Re: Child Support Guidelines and Suspicious Tax Return

Unread postby pharoeandisis » Mon Mar 06, 2017 4:23 pm

BartSimpson,

Thank you for your reply. It was very helpful. I want a meaningful relationship with my daughters. In an attempt, I will seek help with a family therapist to help us reconcile our differences. Their mother is seeking a modification of the custody order for full custody and 5x times the child support (essentially paying her 2/3 of my take-home income), but I want parenting time to have an opportunity to work out my difference with my 15 year old daughter with the help of a family therapist.
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Re: Child Support Guidelines and Suspicious Tax Return

Unread postby afc » Mon Mar 06, 2017 4:34 pm

What caused the most recent breakdown? Have you remarried? Moved someone in? New father? Those can be triggers
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Re: Child Support Guidelines and Suspicious Tax Return

Unread postby pharoeandisis » Mon Mar 06, 2017 4:56 pm

My oldest daughter and I have had a history of not getting along for the last 5 years. I'm now working with a family therapist to develop my parenting style based on Collaborative Problem Solving. In an attempt to assert my will, i.e., clean your room etc... my daughter has resisted my parenting style and become very challenging. As a result, we had an argument where I pulled her from the car and yelled at her. Since then, they have been staying with their mother. I've have many made attempts to reconcile, but now attorneys have been hired. I want to reconnect with my daughters and I've been giving them space (per the therapist recommendation), but nothing seems to be working. My youngest daughter hasn't expressed what she wants besides being with her sister. Since October, I've seen my youngest daughter several times. It's been loving but short of any quality time.
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Re: Child Support Guidelines and Suspicious Tax Return

Unread postby afc » Mon Mar 06, 2017 4:59 pm

So no new woman? okay

In "asserting your will" - does that mean youre a yeller?
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Re: Child Support Guidelines and Suspicious Tax Return

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Mon Mar 06, 2017 5:03 pm

Getting physical and yelling is often damaging to the relationship with the teen. You might want to investigate alternatives to expressing your point of view.
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Re: Child Support Guidelines and Suspicious Tax Return

Unread postby pharoeandisis » Mon Mar 06, 2017 5:21 pm

Fatheroffour, I agree. I am exploring alternatives (see below). I have yelled at my kids, but it's not my typical method for parenting (Plan A). I tend to be calm and try to discuss my expectations and why it's important with my daughters. At the end of the day, it's my responsibility to find a method that works and does not lead to an argument. I'm not about blaming my daughters for their inappropriate behavior, but I can't do it all by myself. As a family, we all need to work together.

When kids don’t meet our adult expectations, we need a plan. CPS makes explicit that we really only have three options for how to respond to problems with kids. In CPS, we refer to these as your three Plans: Plan A, Plan B and Plan C.

Most often, we adults try to impose our will (in CPS, this is referred to as Plan A) to make a child meet our expectations. Plan A is very popular because we have good expectations for kids, but pursuing those expectations using Plan A also greatly heightens the likelihood of challenging behavior in challenging kids. That’s because dealing adaptively with Plan A – having someone else impose their will upon you – requires a variety of skills that challenging kids lack. So Plan A not only often causes challenging behavior, but it does not teach the skills challenging kids lack. Worse yet, Plan A interferes with the teaching of those skills since it tends to get in the way of developing a helping relationship that is crucial to teaching skills. Even in “ordinary” kids who have the skills to respond to Plan A adaptively, Plan A is simply a lesson in “might makes right” when it comes to problem solving.

Plan C is when we adults decide to drop an expectation, at least for now. A common misconception is that Plan C is “giving in.” Giving in is when adults try to address a problem or unmet expectation using Plan A and then proceed to drop the expectation when they can’t impose their will or the child responds poorly. Plan C, on the other contrary, is being strategic. You can’t work on all problems all at once. Plan C is a way of prioritizing (i.e., treatment planning) and deciding what you want to address first. By putting some problems or unmet expectations on the “back burner” while addressing problems that are of a higher priority, some challenging behaviors are reduced. We adults are still in charge when using Plan C because we are the ones deciding what to address and what to drop for now.

Finally, Plan B is the heart of CPS when adults work together with kids to solve problems in mutually satisfactory and realistic ways. Plan B involves four basic steps. The first step is to identify and understand the child’s concern about the problem to be solved and reassure him or her that imposition of adult will is not how the problem will be resolved. The second step is to identify and share the adults’ concerns about the same issue. The third step is where the child is invited to brainstorm solutions together with the adult. The fourth and final step is where the child and adult work together to assess potential solutions and choose one that is both realistic and mutually satisfactory. Most problems aren’t solved in a single Plan B discussion, and Plan B usually feels like slogging through mud in the beginning, but the continuous use of Plan B helps solve problems that are precipitating challenging behavior in a durable way while building helping relationships, thinking skills, intrinsic motivation and confidence.
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Re: Child Support Guidelines and Suspicious Tax Return

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Mon Mar 06, 2017 6:09 pm

Plan B solves a lot of problems, for sure.
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Re: Child Support Guidelines and Suspicious Tax Return

Unread postby pharoeandisis » Mon Mar 06, 2017 6:15 pm

Unfortunately, Plan B doesn't work if my daughter is always with her mother, i.e., in violation of our Divorce Decree.
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