Child custodial advice for a determined Dad

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Re: Child custodial advice for a determined Dad

Unread postby Snowolf » Thu Apr 06, 2017 2:00 pm

a dad wrote:You should come up with some actual parenting schedules, including a backup step-up schedule, and not just say "50/50".


The perfect scenario would be alternating weeks with the exchange happening at 3pm on Friday. Sorry, I never expected any of this crap to happen, so before now I've never actually researched it. My parents are still together, surprisingly, so I've never had to deal with this in my life. I'm not sure the court is going to approve of a lot of exchanges with a 17 month old.

It's difficult because I have one weekend a month where I'm in the reserves. It's always the first weekend a month though. So, I get him the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th weekend of the month, Friday - Sunday and every Wednesday. Again, I don't see how they approve this amount of exchanges.

I have seen a two week schedule, but I think that's too long to be apart from either parent. I'm already experiencing this now, and I hate it, he looks different every time I see him.

I have heard the option to dismiss the case, but I don't have the authority to do this since I didn't file the case. Should I chat with my sons mother about this to dismiss it up in Washington and continue it in California? Every time we'll have a court date, it will be up there, which will be a major inconvenience.
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Re: Child custodial advice for a determined Dad

Unread postby changeofplans » Thu Apr 06, 2017 4:37 pm

Shorter, more frequent contact is actually generally thought to better for younger kids, even though it results in more exchanges.

Two weeks would be very, very unusual for a 17-month-old, as would week on-week off. The general rule of thumb I've heard is to use the kids age for the frequency of exchanges-i.e. kid should be about 7 before you do an every other week schedule, 5 before you try a 2-2-5-5. 2-2-3 is the other common schedule you'll hear for younger kids with a 50-50 schedule.
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Re: Child custodial advice for a determined Dad

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Thu Apr 06, 2017 11:22 pm

Snowolf wrote:…..my ex fiancé…...
Q: Does this mean you were never married??

Tom
Everyone is entitled to my opinion. - Maxine™
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Re: Child custodial advice for a determined Dad

Unread postby Snowolf » Thu Apr 13, 2017 10:04 pm

Tom Kirkpatrick wrote:
Snowolf wrote:…..my ex fiancé…...
Q: Does this mean you were never married??

Tom


Yes sir, we were never married and were engaged for over a year.
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Re: Child custodial advice for a determined Dad

Unread postby Snowolf » Thu Apr 13, 2017 10:12 pm

Update, it's looking a lot better for me gentleman. My child support is looking to be about $140 a month cheaper. It says the total child support for my son is $900 between her and I. Of course, her number being there is just an illusion. This does not include daycare, health insurance, or anything other then just what child support covers. I love my son to pieces, but you can't tell me it's proper to say that a low to average income family spends that on their child a month.

So I did get it lowered, my percentage is lowered, and she also agreed to dismiss the case in Washington and get it moved to California. I've been in contact with attorneys here and they all tell me it's going to be a VERY long (costly) uphill battle to get my son 50/50. It almost never happens to a child under the age of two. I'll fight it though, because I need more time than what I have.

Every one of you all who helped me here, have been awesome, and more help than you can imagine. It's nice to talk to people about stuff like this who won't charge you, and just know based off of past experiences. I'll continue updating you all in this thread, hopefully this upward trend continues!
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Re: Child custodial advice for a determined Dad

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Thu Apr 13, 2017 10:27 pm

Snowolf wrote:I've been in contact with attorneys here and they all tell me it's going to be a VERY long (costly) uphill battle to get my son 50/50. It almost never happens to a child under the age of two.
Basically, the attorneys you've talked to have invoked the hopelessly outdated "tender years doctrine." To counter this, you should ask about a stepped-up parenting plan whereby you get 50/50 by the time he starts kindergarten - at the latest. After all, S16 mos isn't gonna be little all his life, is he?? The older he gets, the more time he's gonna need to spend time with you.

Unlike Washington, California's a 50/50 state. Keep shopping for attorneys. Keep asking for more parenting time, especially overnights. Stick to your guns. Keep asking hard questions 'til you get answers that work for you.

The biggest hurdle to cross is you were never married. To overcome that, you've gotta show willingness to parent S16 mos. This isn't about you. This isn't about her. It's about your son and it's in his best interest that he spend equal time with each of you.

Tom
Everyone is entitled to my opinion. - Maxine™
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