Moved back to where my kids live

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Re: Moved back to where my kids live

Unread postby BartSimpson » Fri Feb 03, 2017 9:05 am

You mentioned it first - that the mother has instructed the children to call you by your first name and the mother's husband by a term reserved for paternity.

What was the timeline for the mother's new relationship relative to the divorce?
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Re: Moved back to where my kids live

Unread postby Aries13 » Fri Feb 03, 2017 9:20 am

Separated, she dated multiple guys for about a year and half. Then settled down with this guy, dated him for almost a year and then married him last Oct.
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Re: Moved back to where my kids live

Unread postby Havalu7 » Fri Feb 03, 2017 9:42 am

Turn up the volume on your DGAF meter.

Your EX instructing your little girl to call you by your first name: troubling.
You giving up space in your head over her actions: costly.
Your peace of mind: priceless.

Remember it's progress not perfection. Start today with a quick note to self each time the thought of "what she is doing"; say "self that is outside of my hula hoop and I can't control what she says or does. I "[self] can only control my reaction."

Be kind to yourself and remember sometimes NOT doing something IS an action.


I'll quote Lynryd Skynrd "Turn it up!"
"No." is a complete sentence.

Do not move out of your house.
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Re: Moved back to where my kids live

Unread postby BartSimpson » Fri Feb 03, 2017 9:42 am

Which term better describes him - Captain Save-a-hoe or Mr. Wonderful?
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Re: Moved back to where my kids live

Unread postby Aries13 » Fri Feb 03, 2017 9:56 am

Probably Capt. save a hoe.

My 9 B came to me about 6 months ago and told me the step dad had been spanking my 6 G and had slapped him (9B) in the back of the head (because step dad was "pissed") . Obviously I was very distraught, I called her and told her that he was not to put his hands on the kids in any way. She initially replied, "but he will be their step father". I told her I would have this discussion with him. To my knowledge he hasn't done it since. All documented on one note and screenshots of text.
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Re: Moved back to where my kids live

Unread postby BartSimpson » Fri Feb 03, 2017 10:07 am

Get with us here if that sort of thing happens again - we have a better process than the tough-guy act. I certainly understand your response, I'm a Dad, too. But these things are not exactly the time to get into the Captain's behavior, it is better to get into the mother's acceptance of such behavior.

The Captain is a legal stranger to your children. There is no such thing as a "step-father" legally in your case, it is entirely a made up thing. It's what is known as a social construct. He has absolutely no rights or obligations, he is not party to the custody order, and you cannot bring action against him - only the mother.

Therefore, when your child comes to you with stories about the Captain, you need to articulate it as a matter of the mother's neglect or failure to care for the children.

I have a simple trick to help you deal with the ruminating about the mother's modification - want to know it?
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Re: Moved back to where my kids live

Unread postby Aries13 » Fri Feb 03, 2017 10:11 am

Yes I do.
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Re: Moved back to where my kids live

Unread postby BartSimpson » Fri Feb 03, 2017 10:20 am

OK, first a little science.

The origin of these impulsive thoughts is in something we call the Reptile Brain - it's the little part of your brain at the bottom of your skull that is left over from our days in the primordial soup. It drives our basic needs; breathing, eating, pleasure, sex drive . . . It's our instincts.

The part of your mind that normally processes these impulsive thoughts is that big brainy thing behind your forehead - the Cerebral Brain. My trick is to help you filter those impulsive thoughts by bringing them to the attention of the Cerebral Brain, too many thoughts are slipping past it.

Put a rubber band around your wrist. Every time you think about this crappy modification, or the mother being a xitch, or Captain Save-a-hoe being a douchebag, snap the rubber band hard enough so it stings and say out loud "Stop!" After three days switch the rubber band to the other wrist and do it again for awhile. Within a week you will wonder why you are wearing a rubber band anymore.

Cool?
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Re: Moved back to where my kids live

Unread postby Aries13 » Fri Feb 03, 2017 10:28 am

LOL, I had to read that slowly, but I got it! Yep, I have definitely come to the right place!!
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Re: Moved back to where my kids live

Unread postby BartSimpson » Fri Feb 03, 2017 10:30 am

A lot of guys will tell you to tune your DGAF meter - I'm just trying to tell you how to tune it.

*Snap*
"Stop!"
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