Right of First Refusal - how likely for a judge to order it?

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Re: Right of First Refusal - how likely for a judge to order

Postby dss_pansat » Mon May 14, 2012 11:37 am

I think she has right to let the kids stay with grandparent because it's her time. One time my lawyer told me that if I'm going out of town for business, I must find someone to take care the kids either relatives or friends if she does not want to keep the kids because it's my time.
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Re: Right of First Refusal - how likely for a judge to order

Postby Trevor » Mon May 14, 2012 12:10 pm

dss_pansat wrote:I think she has right to let the kids stay with grandparent because it's her time. One time my lawyer told me that if I'm going out of town for business, I must find someone to take care the kids either relatives or friends if she does not want to keep the kids because it's my time.

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Dual Parenting, not Duel Parenting.
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Re: Right of First Refusal - how likely for a judge to order

Postby Bobro » Thu May 17, 2012 3:53 am

dss_pansat wrote:I think she has right to let the kids stay with grandparent because it's her time. One time my lawyer told me that if I'm going out of town for business, I must find someone to take care the kids either relatives or friends if she does not want to keep the kids because it's my time.


Yes, exactly. She has the right to put the kids with her parents, during her time, whenever she wants. I would rather that she HAVE to offer that time to me first. Currently, our agreement doesn't provide for that, but I want it to. I'm looking for strategies or advice about how to make that happen. The most obvious is to get a Right of First Refusal into our current mediated agreement. She's currently not open to that because she says it would take time away from her parents. I believe that time with me (and with her) should be the priority in our agreement. I think the court would agree with me if it came to that, but I'm not interested in taking it to court if I can strategize to get her to agree to it in mediation. I think I can be successful with that if I just have enough, frankly, legal sounding arguments behind my point.

One tact I've considered is telling her that her insistence that her parents' home is like "another home" to the kids shows the court just how much she has kept them from their father when I've been available. I want to imply that the hours they spend at the grandparents during her time is actually a bad thing in the eyes of the court. She travels, fine. But I'm available during that time. I want the kids to be with me for the bulk of those overnights (I have no problem with the kids staying at Grandma's once or twice a month; they are over there way more than that). Grandparents are fine, but they are not parents. AND, the kids don't get their homework done over there; they watch TV and play video games. And so on.

So again, any arguments, persuasion, strategies that could help me win ROFR in mediation, and then in court if necessary would be appreciated. Thanks!
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Re: Right of First Refusal - how likely for a judge to order

Postby Anza » Thu May 17, 2012 11:33 am

Bobro,

I don't think there is a magic bullet to persuade nj's to act appropriately.
IMO all you can do is present the information to nj as you apparently have. If for whatever reason she still won't agree, off to court you go.

Custody priority list plain and simple.
1. Parent with whom child is scheduled to be with per court orders
2. Non Scheduled Parent
3. Any person Scheduled Parent deems capable of caring for child.

Unless their is an issue with the non scheduled parents ability to care for the child. I doubt very seriously if a judge would support a child being in the care of any other person while one of the parents is capable and available.

In an attempt to persuade your nj you might consider a longer than average time that kicks off the ROFR. In my understanding 4-8hrs is normal. You might offer nj 10-12hrs as the trigger. Clarify that if the ROFR is triggered it will be the responsibility of the Non-Scheduled parent to pick up and return the child to minimize effect on scheduled parent. Add in any other criteria you feel might entice your nj to agree.
I would also offer up an alternative, much stricter or beneficial to you ROFR Plan. Indicate that if you must go to court to obtain the ROFR that you will pursue the stricter form.

nj's will be nj's...........
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Re: Right of First Refusal - how likely for a judge to order

Postby Bobro » Fri May 25, 2012 2:53 am

Thanks, Anza, that's helpful. I do think that I'll try for ROFR for, say, over six or eight hours.

We have a number of things I want to address in mediation now. She, as NJs will, goes so hot and cold - sometimes reasonable, and then in a flash, not. So I want to nail down the ROFR, if possible, and also maybe see if the mediator can help us address things like her refusing to tell me when she's going to be out of town (or in the upcoming case, out of the country.) ROFR would, of course, compel her to tell me these kinds of dates, but I think it makes sense even without that clause. It just makes it impossible to plan anything without knowing her schedule, particularly when I'm trying to work WITH her.

For instance, as I've said, she's leaving for three weeks. I sort of know when she's going because of various scheduling discussions we've had. But she won't tell me the exact dates. Now, the agreement has me having the kids for three weekends in a row because I get Memorial Day every year (a trade because she wants Labor Day every year.) I assumed she didn't go ballistic over this quirk in the schedule because she'd be gone, and I was sort of pleased because the kids happen to get Tuesday off as well. Though the agreement is murky, it seemed like I could have them for the full four-day weekend. But now she tells me she wants them on Tuesday, so clearly she's still in town then. Why the #$%% not tell me when she leaves so we could work together to figure out how this weekend would go? I understand her wanting to see the kids before she's gone for three weeks. I'm willing to address that. But I had also been thinking about where we could go for four days. Hopefully the court might care about this complete lack of co-parenting on her part? (I've sent her several summer schedules that included the idea of my having the kids through Tuesday, none of which she responded to).

I realize I'm rambling. Many thanks to anyone who has ideas about strategies to use in mediation to get her to agree to ROFR and at least put some more basic co-parenting principles into our agreement, enforceable or not.
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