Had a really bad night

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Had a really bad night

Unread postby tsawyer » Wed May 02, 2012 10:53 am

The NJ got married this past weekend. My children were at my home last night, and we were hanging out. I was speaking to my daughter about how her weekend went with the wedding.

During the conversation, she looked at me with pain in her eyes and said "Now I have two dads". I about lost it.

I am still teared up after posting this. I hate that < female dog > for what she did to my little girls.
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Re: Had a really bad night

Unread postby JumbleDone » Wed May 02, 2012 11:04 am

Dude, I haven't been there yet, but I know I will be at some point.

When my daughter says something like that to me, I'll tell her to come over, give her a biiiiigggggggggggggggggg hug, and say 'Yeah, you have another person in your life that loves you. Its a good thing. But you know that I will always be your dad, right?'

Then excuse myself to the bathroom and cry.

It sucks, but ya gotta try and look at the positives for her. She's taking her cues from you. If you're sad (in front of her), she's gonna be sad. If you put on your game face, and trudge through the < feces >, showing how life is good, she's gonna take it that life is good.

It sucks that we have to deceive our kids sometimes, but we need to make sure they grow up well-adjusted and happy.

Now, go on a bar-crawl with your friends this weekend, just to forget about life for a while.
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Re: Had a really bad night

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Wed May 02, 2012 11:08 am

It can be tough adjusting to life post divorce but jumble is right. The kids will take their cues from the parents, most of which are non-verbal. Put your game face on and keep your head up. Kiddos are watching.
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Re: Had a really bad night

Unread postby hoosier_dad » Wed May 02, 2012 11:11 am

tsawyer wrote:During the conversation, she looked at me with pain in her eyes and said "Now I have two dads".

Nothing wrong with correcting her that she will always have only 1 Dad and 1 Mom, and that Mom's new husband is "Step-Dad".
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Re: Had a really bad night

Unread postby KeepingMyKids » Wed May 02, 2012 11:32 am

Brother, I am facing both sides of this situation. On one hand, NJ here just announced her engagement to Mr. Wonderful (conveniently the day after GF and I got married), and seeing as how she's been forcing him down my kids' throats from literally Day 1, I know that there are going to be many, many times instances of biting my tongue in front of my kids about her trying to make him "dad".

On the opposite side of the coin, my GF has D3 - loves me to death - that we've both corrected gently when she changed from calling me "KmK" to "KmK-Dad" just to avoid any conflict with biodad. My own D9 went thru a slow burn trying to think of what to call new wife, finally coming up with "She's my stepmom now, so I'll call her Smom! And Super-Mom!" Again, to avoid any conflict, trying to steer her towards "Smom", even if it sounds like some sort of surgical procedure.
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Re: Had a really bad night

Unread postby coparentchamp » Wed May 02, 2012 11:47 am

Not sure what your situation is exactly - but tread lightly and carefully when it comes to the step-parent. I know it stings when the ex gets remarried - Heck even I had the internal seagulls from Nemo going in my head when my ex announced his engagement - and I am the one who left...and I most certainly did not want him back *insert an "AS IF!!!" here*.... But I steadied my voice - offered up congratulations...and braced myself for the onslaught of questions from our kids. They were confused, but excited. It hurt a bit to acknowledge her as a new "parent" in my kids lives....and my ex and I went through a few skirmishes when he wanted them to call her Mom....*over my dead decompsing putrid body*.... But all in all we made it through the transition.
I have always made sure to back both parents as a unified force...it keeps the kibosh on the kids figuring out how to play both households in the future. The new step is going to be involved in helping to raise your kids from here on out - might as well make friends with the enemy...and if I ever get married again - the ex may return the favor and behave like an adult....

And look at it this way...she is now his problem - not yours. :roll:
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Re: Had a really bad night

Unread postby Trevor » Wed May 02, 2012 5:24 pm

I guess I have avoided all that drama because my kids were older, and the women I've dated all have had kids but they call me Trev...even the youngest one who was 7-8 at the time. If I ever get married again (longshot) I have no problem with the kids calling me my given name...my parents gave me that name and I see it as totally respectful for a kid (i.e., not just any kid but the gf's kid) to look me in the eye and call me that name, rather than the clumsy "stepdad" or "mister Trev." I know many people are a bit old school and think that is disrespectful but I don't. And yes, I still use "aunt" and "uncle" before my relatives' names, out of respect for them...because that's what their generation prefers.
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Re: Had a really bad night

Unread postby mcc333 » Wed May 02, 2012 9:45 pm


that's tough. Sorry you are going through this but I agree with hoosier. carefully let your girls know the distinction between you and the step. They are half you genetically and you have been there since day 1. Step is a friend of Mom's (and likely to be on to greener pastures a few years from now).
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Re: Had a really bad night

Unread postby RomeroCarolina » Fri May 04, 2012 6:19 am

Your feelings are quite understandable. I think with time your children will understand that life is complicated and learn how to live with this pain.
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