Suggestions for Daddy Scholarship Terms

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Suggestions for Daddy Scholarship Terms

Unread postby Thoughts? » Sun Mar 15, 2009 11:20 pm

OK, need some input. Have seen it referenced a lot here. Think Tef coined the term. I borrowed it a few times. It's Daddy Scholarship.

The concept is simple. We pay CS for many years. Hopefully kid goes off to good school. Kid asks for help. Mom often sends him to talk to dad. If we were married to mom and it was a healthy relationship, and that statement was made, mom & dad would discuss like adults, if dad handled it dad would lay down some ground rules, and either the kid abided, or lost the parental support.

But alas, Ex's are often vengeful malicious types with entitlement issues, so they instead play the victim, talk about how dad screwed them, talk about how poor they are, and demand that you "get it from your dad, he's got all the money." So the issue is, what parameters does dad put around it to not get screwed.

What, exactly, are the detailed terms of the Daddy Scholarship?

Dad will pay, but will have these terms:

(1) kid shows dad respect;
(2) kid stays in regular contact with dad;
(3) kid gets B average;
(4) dad gets grade reports;
(5) get pays for any classes where he/she screws up and has to drop;
(6) kid spends 50% of his time back in the home town, when in town, at dad's place;
(7) dad gets tax deduction, and kid signs paper work (driver licenses, voter registiration, using dads place as official primary abode, anything else), to support dad getting it.

Anything else I'm mssing here?

Tef, you're a subject matter expert on this one -- what else should be on the Daddy Scholarship list?
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Re: Suggestions for Daddy Scholarship Terms

Unread postby teddy » Mon Mar 16, 2009 2:12 pm

About the only thing I would add is that the child must carry X hours (full time if you're providing roof/food/small amount of spending money). This is almost exactly the plan I have my step-kids on. The only variation is that they will carry 12 hours minimum, and provide their own spending money.

My daughter is only 12, so I have a few years to go with her, but the same rules will apply.
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Re: Suggestions for Daddy Scholarship Terms

Unread postby Thoughts? » Mon Mar 16, 2009 2:40 pm

Good ideas.

We have a difference in opin on the tax thing. I am a computer geek with high base though I don't see it as alot goes to the ex, including high child support, and spousal support for some buy-outs and other reasons. That said, I intend to provide them with significant support in school -- but the math is I will only do it if I keep the deduction as HofH & the deduction in my bracket is huge. Yes, they'll need to work & contribute some. But there $300 tax benefit is overridden by my several thousand dollar benefit, even if it delays their filing their first tax return a couple years. Guess I'd leave that one up to "look at the math govern and make a judgement call."

Yes it is a given that this will only apply if this not ordered. If I were ordered to help pay for something into college, I might still do what I can, but I'd confirm it wouldn't openly contradict orders & current state law on the matter. I.E., in a couple of states, there are provisions that you can get grade updates and if they are not given you can stop paying. So that would be in there.

On the respect thang, not sure how to read that. Helped my boys get to Eagle, manners, certain basic niceties to life, treating others like you'd like to be treated, those are key things in life. They treat my like < feces >, mouth off, take advantage, don't stop by when in town (within reason), there's little I can do to stop their behavior, and I won't try. But they're going to do it while paying for their own < edited > college, and if they want to call that controlling, more power to them!
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Re: Suggestions for Daddy Scholarship Terms

Unread postby nuke » Mon Mar 16, 2009 3:50 pm

I get what he is saying - but when you are only paying half that is a huge difference from when you are the sole provider of the college education as I will be - and I suspect Thoughts will be also.

Here are the terms of MY Daddy Scholarship:

1. If you aren't on the honor roll - you are headed to community college first - to prove that you are serious. Or as I say - C is for community college. These credits are almost always transferrable to a university should you prove to be a serious student.

2. You will attend a public university where we are residents. I can't afford private school. Or - you can attend a public university in another state after doing a a year of community college there to become a resident.

3. You will sign a release so that I have access to your grades/schedule while at the school. I reserve the right to revoke my money if you are not maintaining a 3.0 or slip below 2.0 for any one semester. I am not an unreasonable person - but if it seems you aren't trying - I don't wish to fund it so we will be discussing what's going on if this happens.

4. We will maintain the eoholiday schedule as best as they are able. I'm fine with being thrown over for a bf/gf now and then, but not for mom. I do this only because I know they will be under tremendous pressure from the ex and her parents to never see me once they don't "have" to. Their friends are of course welcome to visit here too.

5. Respond to any contact within a week. Again I am not an ogre and I am fine with initiating contact so long as it is returned respectfully. They are in college so I am being pretty lenient.

6. Obtain the maximum unsubidized stafford loan in their name each year (currently 3500/yr). That is all we qualify for, but I would expect them to maximize whatever is available to them. They should be equally investing in their future. This isn't to say I won't help with the payments after graduation if times are lean, but I do not want to pay for a 6 month drunken party vacation while they walk away with no regrets.
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Re: Suggestions for Daddy Scholarship Terms

Unread postby Thoughts? » Mon Mar 16, 2009 4:06 pm

Good stuff sensei Nuke. I've pre-paid their tuition at in-state universities on a tuition plan, and since that asset was marital it's legally 50/50. What I'll be doing here is carrying health insurance and helping with room & board / meal plans. If they go private or out of state, I've already clarified they get the same plan as I'm doing for in-state, and that they have to make up the difference in scholarships, grants or loans.

Can't recall who it was, but someone once posted about a formula where the kids paid for the classes with their loan, and then were paid back by dad upon completion of the class within grade parameters. Any D's or F's, any withdrawals too late to get a tuition refund, they ate the cost of.

If that tirggers anybody's memory, if ya'll can clarify it would be appreciated.
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Re: Suggestions for Daddy Scholarship Terms

Unread postby justlarry » Tue Mar 17, 2009 7:54 am

Thoughts?--I am the one that said a few years ago I made each child apply for max student loans. Student loans are in their name only. By agreement I pay 50/50 with the Ex for all school including tuition/room/board/meals/fees. This includes payment of student loans after graduation 50/50 by myself and my Ex. However, any failing grades or any withdraws and my kids now bought that portion of "their" student loan. Quit in 3rd year to "find yourself" or throw me out of your life at 22 and you just bought the entire 30-50K of student loan.

A few variations I have from the above comments.

I pay for all passing grades. However, maintain a "B" average and I pay for extra's such as car insurance. So a C+ average will get your school paid but No Car.

Although I have agreed with Ex (No court order or in writing) to pay 50/50 every now and then she has "funny" math that tries to get me to pay some extra. Same "funny" math we all know about when calculating CS. Well, court orders and arguing ended a long time ago for me and all 3 kids. I pay the amount above my share to keep my kid in school and advise Ex and child that the amount was just accepted by child as part of their student loan.

I refuse to accept grade reports. Colleges look at you like the courts. You are just a wallet. Your child is an adult and legally they will tell you nothing (Privacy Laws). At orientation they will tell the child to NOT share their college password with a parent-by law. I immediately told me kids, give me your password or I will not contribute a dime. I don't wait for grades or six months to find out about a dropped class. I look it up online anytime I want. Don't want me involved like this then don't ask for money. Kind of like the Government and AIG now.

Back in highschool I dangled a carrot for them. Get any academic scholarships that save your old man some money and part of that will get kicked back to you. Save me 10K with a scholarship and you will have a plazma TV the size of your dorm room.

One son left the University after two years to join the military. When he gets out the GI Bill will cover his school complete and contribute to living expenses. This will save me alot of money compared to siblings, he deserves a reward.

Unfortunately life takes some turns during the college years and my kids needed some financial help outside school. (Not Emergency-just dumb decisions) I kept them on their feet which will help the rest of their life but it was a loan they will offset by taking responsibility for that amount of their student loan upon graduation.

Although spending 50% of time with Dad while home would be nice, in reality at 20 something it just does not happen. Maybe 25% Dad. 25% Mom and 50% with Girlfriend/Friends/Beaches/Mountains/ and ??? many nights. Most evenings start at 11:00PM when I am going to bed.

Last but not least, when talking rules don't forget the rewards. Deans list freshman and sophmore year earned him his own appartment off campus Junior year.
Last edited by justlarry on Tue Mar 17, 2009 8:12 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Suggestions for Daddy Scholarship Terms

Unread postby justlarry » Tue Mar 17, 2009 8:06 am

Another thing I forgot- as to tax deduction. The child I was going to deduct I had him listed as my address with the University and on the FAFSA form. However it is something to think about. What kind of financial aid (especially grants) will the child get listing Dad making big bucks vs Mom at minimum age. Exagerated this on purpose but htink about this when filing FAFSA and getting your EFC (Expected Family Contribution). Income and assets from just one parent is included. And make sure there are NO $$ in kids name.

When I did take deduction and get tax benefits I aso took on the primary role of pick-up/drop-off/bus tickets for kids attending college 4 hours away. Always turns into a 10 hour round trip! Quite a few times a year. If you want the cake, you have to eat it too.
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Re: Suggestions for Daddy Scholarship Terms

Unread postby kiotee » Tue Jul 28, 2009 3:52 pm

Reference to number 2...are you buying the kid or what?...
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Re: Suggestions for Daddy Scholarship Terms

Unread postby defaultuser » Fri Aug 07, 2009 3:39 pm

Thoughts? wrote:If we were married to mom and it was a healthy relationship, and that statement was made, mom & dad would discuss like adults, if dad handled it dad would lay down some ground rules, and either the kid abided, or lost the parental support.


Yes, if we were married we'd do this. Since we aren't and NJ is in many cases unable or unwilling to help out, I say you do the best you can to figure out a plan that works best for you. Ignore NJ and keep it between Dad and the kid...

Its not useful to expect NJ to do her part with anything, because they so often won't do it. I can't even get my NJ to follow the courts orders.
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