Suggestions for Daddy Scholarship Terms

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Re: Suggestions for Daddy Scholarship Terms

Unread postby scott060462 » Mon Nov 25, 2013 6:33 pm

Well, I was going to start a new post until I found this one. All good stuff and makes sense, but that's probably because we, as the non custodial fathers, usually have the most common sense. I am currently in a battle with my ex about college for our oldest. I consistently get "you contribute nothing" emails with all sorts of nasty side comments. Our son attended a community college for the first two years and FAFSA covered it all and then some. Unfortunately the "and then some" was wasted away on having a good time as opposed to saving it for undergrad school.

So now he has been accepted at a private school (DePaul in Chicago) that comes with a big price tag. We did not discuss this at all and I certainly wouldn't have agreed to it since our settlement specifically spells out to use a state school as a guideline.

So what does this mean? I send him $50 a week directly to his bank account and I pay his car insurance. That averages out to about $100 a week all year round, or roughly $5,200. Most of his tuition has been picked up by grants and he has some loans on the rest. He told me it was only a few thousand, she claims it is over $20K. Which is odd because he has been there for less than a year.

He lives off campus in an apartment with a buddy, but has moved twice because it never seems to work out. My ex has now taken a $5,000 loan (or tried to) to cover the next years' tuition and she expects me to pay half. I told her this was never discussed or agreed to and I feel I'm doing enough with the weekly money, car insurance and some other misc expenses I have helped him with. I do not intend to take any loans and feel I'm doing the right thing.

She is still getting 20% for our second son who is a senrio in high school, well sort of. He dropped out and taking online courses to get a GED. He doesn't drive, have a job o do any school activities. That 20% is quite sufficient in my opinion.

I'm interested to hear some general thoughts.

Thanks.
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Re: Suggestions for Daddy Scholarship Terms

Unread postby Bubba Seal » Mon Nov 25, 2013 6:40 pm

Ive never read thru this section before.

I am paying for my son to go thru college, my choice, had nothing to do with his mom, but my deal with my son was grades period, he is in his junior year and has a 3.85 GPA at this point, I told him from the jump, as long as you make the grades I will pay for you to get the best education, which means a private university at this point, I said if you flunk out of that, then we will figure out something with a state college.

Hopefully nothing it written into your parenting agreement that obligates you to pay, you said your son kinda partied himself out of his grants, I would just say tough, you figure it out.

Good Luck
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Re: Suggestions for Daddy Scholarship Terms

Unread postby BartSimpson » Mon Nov 25, 2013 6:44 pm

Scott - start a thread, there is no charge. Just copy your story and post it!

There is a lot to address to you specifically and we'd be happy to help - and we can help as you can see by Bubba's post.

Use the After forum - let's talk, I'll see you over there.
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Re: Suggestions for Daddy Scholarship Terms

Unread postby Southern.Putter » Mon Mar 17, 2014 9:58 am

Insist upon receiving the 1098-T forms ASAP so that you can file electronically before the NJ. Many students can obtain them electronically from their university's student portal/website.
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Re: Suggestions for Daddy Scholarship Terms

Unread postby striving » Thu Jul 10, 2014 11:24 am

I like this post - very valuable.

My son is a few years away from college (if ever :shock: ), but a concern I have is that the NJ is encouraging him to just follow his passion. That's a popular way to look at college, however it can lead to over-educated baristas at Starbucks. The NJ for example, has a master's degree in Spanish lit. And works for just above minimum wage without any relation to Spanish lit.

I think men tend to take a more realistic and pragmatic view of career choice particularly given today's job market and the directions it's going. Sure, get a minor in Spanish lit if you'd like - feed your passion - but find something which will keep you and your family from eating mac and cheese and living in a basement apartment. There's evidence that we develop a passion for something that we become highly proficient in, not just vice versa.

Anyway - a rule I'll add is: I won't pay for any degree whose entry-level salary is less than a manager at McDonald's.
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Re: Suggestions for Daddy Scholarship Terms

Unread postby DivorcedDadInVa » Wed Nov 04, 2015 2:37 pm

I don't have this problem ... not enough to contribute more than a couple hundred a month at best going forward, and NJ squandered our six-figure savings on her ridiculous divorce. Hey kids! Thank your NJ mom that you can't go to college!

Of course I won't say that, but - frankly, it's true.
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Re: Suggestions for Daddy Scholarship Terms

Unread postby DivorcedDadInVa » Wed Nov 04, 2015 2:41 pm

Thoughts? wrote:Good stuff sensei Nuke. I've pre-paid their tuition at in-state universities on a tuition plan, and since that asset was marital it's legally 50/50. What I'll be doing here is carrying health insurance and helping with room & board / meal plans. If they go private or out of state, I've already clarified they get the same plan as I'm doing for in-state, and that they have to make up the difference in scholarships, grants or loans.

Can't recall who it was, but someone once posted about a formula where the kids paid for the classes with their loan, and then were paid back by dad upon completion of the class within grade parameters. Any D's or F's, any withdrawals too late to get a tuition refund, they ate the cost of.

If that tirggers anybody's memory, if ya'll can clarify it would be appreciated.



I really like this idea ... hopefully by then I'll have something substantial to contribute!
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Re: Suggestions for Daddy Scholarship Terms

Unread postby lfred12 » Tue Mar 22, 2016 2:21 pm

I'm confused as to why parents have to legally provide their children with money to go to school? I thought financial assistance stopped at 18. When I was 18, I went to community college, worked a full time job so I could pay for my own school when I got to university. Got a bachelor's degree and didnt get help from my parents.
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Re: Suggestions for Daddy Scholarship Terms

Unread postby Thoughts? » Tue Mar 22, 2016 3:46 pm

In a couple of states -- NJ and MO I believe are two of them -- the judge can order a parent to provide support through college.

It can also be agreed voluntarily, and put into the decree -- at which time it becomes an enforceable court order. I.E., the judge can't order it in that instance, but if you agree to it during mediation or other settlement talks & the order is entered in to the court's records, it then becomes enforceable.

In the case of this thread -- "The Daddy Scholarship," my intent in originally starting it was to collect input as to what you would require of your child if one of us, as a parent, chose to help out our children in school. Which is pretty common these days. In adjusted dollars, the money I paid for in-state tuition when I was a kid, was about 20% of what I see a lot of in-state tuition & fees today.
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Re: Suggestions for Daddy Scholarship Terms

Unread postby Lawmoe » Mon Sep 11, 2017 10:44 am

We just dropped an 18 year old at college and these were essentially our rules:

1) Maintain a 3.0 or better (Which he must do for the scholarship from the school);
2) Check in by phone at least once a week by text and once a week by phone;
3) Communicate with his siblings as well. Ask how they are doing;
4) We also have access to his online accounts (username and password) both to add money to cafeteria accounts but to check and grading information;
5) If is using money to smoke weed, he gets no more money.
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