Issues with S14 and a meddling or not so meddling mother

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Issues with S14 and a meddling or not so meddling mother

Unread postby kmich91262 » Wed Dec 06, 2017 3:55 pm

Need some input on a situation I'm having with S14. I have junior during the school year and one weekend a month with split breaks...during the summer his mom has him and I have him for every other weekend, holidays that are mine, and two weeks of vacation. The current plan has been on-going for 4 plus years.

A couple of years ago, I got remarried. I know, I know, it is the what were you thinking thing. Anyways, junior and wife get along for the most part. There are those typical moments that any adult has with a child where the child thinks they know best and challenge a person.

To lay the ground work for what is happening. A couple of years ago, junior decided that apparently he was too good to do school work and thus his grades suffered. Took him to counseling, got him back on track. Been a few bumps in the road here and there but nothing one can't handle. The expectation is so long as there is no call from the school about his grades (below a C), he has privileges such computer games, choosing a meal out every other week, and other activities. The times there has been issues with I've e-mailed his mom asking for input with in most cases no response or putting the blame on me for everything and anything happens. Mom, seems to have no interest in his education...similar to why I have him during the school year now because of her failure to get junior to school in the previous parenting plan of 50/50 and thus why he failed a grade.

Junior is once again having issues in school. Getting in trouble at school and grades have slipped to the point of getting calls once again from the school His attitude is he hates school, doesn't care if he fails, says my wife and I are evil because there are expectations (as previously stated), and he wants to go live with his mom. Nothing is his fault when he gets in trouble at school for grades or other things, similar to his mom when it comes to things that go wrong, and he has no remorse for things when he is caught at school for example for getting in trouble. The kid won't go to counseling. And to make matters worse, I'm of the firm impression based on his mom's lack of response with my concerns on schooling, that she would let junior fail out of school just so can get back to me for some sick reason.

Need some input. If any questions, I'll try to answer as I get on here.
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Re: Issues with S14 and a meddling or not so meddling mother

Unread postby afc » Wed Dec 06, 2017 3:58 pm

How you shown him what life is like for a high school drop out once they are an adult?
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Re: Issues with S14 and a meddling or not so meddling mother

Unread postby Chaos » Wed Dec 06, 2017 5:39 pm

What's your video game situation?

Honest assessment. How many hours a day, and does he play online?
If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.
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Re: Issues with S14 and a meddling or not so meddling mother

Unread postby Campfire » Wed Dec 06, 2017 6:43 pm

What does junior like? Is there an adult mentor in that field who would take him under his wing a bit? At 14, he’s old enough to start working. Flipping tacos for minimum wage can be incredibly motivating. Yo quero Taco Bell!
Last edited by Campfire on Thu Dec 07, 2017 4:20 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: Issues with S14 and a meddling or not so meddling mother

Unread postby FlyGuySLO » Wed Dec 06, 2017 8:54 pm

I believe the answer is some tough love parenting and consequences for not making a basic effort in school (which is frankly his job in life), and the disrespect he is showing you and your wife.

If his bio-mom isn't participating then I believe her to be at fault as well as your son. I strongly believe that it is incumbent upon both parents to cooperate and parent the child TOGETHER even if they detest each other. Parents need to set their issues aside and act in the best interest of the child; which in this case means a united front to support him getting his grades up and developing a work ethic.

You should send her emails asking for her input and thoughts on how to best work together to help your son. Ask her specifically what she is doing to help him out of this rut. She won't respond or cooperate, I'm betting from what you say, but this will show a track record of you being the cooperative and proactive parent in case this gets beyond your family.

afc wrote:How you shown him what life is like for a high school drop out once they are an adult?


^^^This isn't a bad idea, but I know some teens are oblivious and it wouldn't have the impact. I know one dad who took his snotty, entitled, bratty teen daughter on a mission trip to an eastern European country where they worked with orphaned teens who had nothing, literally NOTHING and were often victims of human trafficking.

She wised up pretty quickly and realized she had a charmed life and her work ethic improved enough to get into a very prestigious art college.
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Re: Issues with S14 and a meddling or not so meddling mother

Unread postby HaltAndCatchFire » Thu Dec 07, 2017 9:30 am

Have you discretely taken a hair sample and submitted it for drug analysis?
The only way out is through.
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Re: Issues with S14 and a meddling or not so meddling mother

Unread postby afc » Thu Dec 07, 2017 11:15 am

FlyGuySLO wrote:.

afc wrote:How you shown him what life is like for a high school drop out once they are an adult?


^^^This isn't a bad idea, but I know some teens are oblivious and it wouldn't have the impact. I know one dad who took his snotty, entitled, bratty teen daughter on a mission trip to an eastern European country where they worked with orphaned teens who had nothing, literally NOTHING and were often victims of human trafficking.

She wised up pretty quickly and realized she had a charmed life and her work ethic improved enough to get into a very prestigious art college.


Yeah but Im not talking about a "other people are more worse off than you" guilt trip to realize how lucky he is.

Im talking blunt - if you flunk out of high school it will be hard to get in the military or even get a McDonalds job at minimum wage type thing. Actually find out the average wage for high school flunk outs and then do a budget of rent, utilities, etc and show him that he will have no money for anything, including those games he loves.
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Re: Issues with S14 and a meddling or not so meddling mother

Unread postby kmich91262 » Thu Dec 07, 2017 2:09 pm

He's limited to 2-3 hours of computer time during the school day and it is broken up time. Yes, he does play online.

I've talked to him about it will be hard to have work options if he doesn't at least get his diploma. As far as getting a job, I laugh at that because the kid is simply not very motivated in anything it seems. Trying to get him interested in things is very hard to do. And I'm confident he isn't doing drugs...my wife works as a drug and alcohol tester and counselor...she spots things like that and is quite good at it I might add.
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Re: Issues with S14 and a meddling or not so meddling mother

Unread postby afc » Thu Dec 07, 2017 2:14 pm

So get him prepared for unskilled labor now if that's what he is choosing to make his life's work.

No sleeping in on Saturdays, he is up and out of bed for 10 hours of working outside with you yelling at him like a job site boss who knows he can replace him if he walks out.

No new toys, games, etc. He has to pay for them himself. No access to on line unless he pays for it.
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Re: Issues with S14 and a meddling or not so meddling mother

Unread postby trapper » Thu Dec 07, 2017 4:15 pm

My expectation for my kids was “A’s & B’s. Once in a while a “C”.
When I experienced issues like you are having with your son I called the school. The guidance counselor arranged a after school meeting with her, his teachers, my son and myself. Imput was received both good and bad. The teachers provided their expectations. My son was held to account and I was clear how to help him with homework and how to check what assignments were due. One meeting and more involvement by me straightened it out.
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