Question about what's normal

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

Question about what's normal

Unread postby TXUTMD » Sun Jun 18, 2017 9:56 am

Getting divorced (wife's call...came out of blue and not what I wanted) and I moved to Maryland to live with my brother. I send money to the hopefully soon to be ex and try to keep on contact. Hopefully I will phrase his question right but how much contact from my 5 yr old should I expect? I have to initiate any FaceTime or phone calls. I send postcards. I send her gifts. The soon to be ex can't bother to send me any drawings or initiate any contact so not sure if my daughter WANTS me in her life or if my ex is suppressing it.
What is normal?
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Re: Question about what's normal

Unread postby BartSimpson » Sun Jun 18, 2017 10:07 am

Whoa! Back up a second . . .

You abandoned your child? You simply moved away from your 5 year old daughter?
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Re: Question about what's normal

Unread postby MonkeySee » Sun Jun 18, 2017 10:16 am

Your five year old most definitely does want you in her life.

You need to move back to where your child is. Long distance parenting is never best for children. Children need both parents regularly in their lives.
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Re: Question about what's normal

Unread postby TXUTMD » Sun Jun 18, 2017 10:20 am

BartSimpson wrote:Whoa! Back up a second . . .

You abandoned your child? You simply moved away from your 5 year old daughter?


Wtf!?! Who said I abandoned my child? Circumstances that are no ones < edited > business but my own. Nothing "simply" about it.
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Re: Question about what's normal

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Sun Jun 18, 2017 10:46 am

At 5 years old, she's not thinking too much about concepts and ideas, she is reacting to what's in front of her. She's 5.

Unfortunately, you're not there, in front of her regularly. She isn't going to be thinking about you and initiating contact. Also unfortunately, as she grows older it becomes the norm.

It's a difficult situation with tough choices to be made. You need to do what you can to be with your daughter as often as possible.
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Re: Question about what's normal

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Sun Jun 18, 2017 11:47 am

TXUTMD wrote:Getting divorced (wife's call...came out of blue and not what I wanted) and I moved to Maryland to live with my brother. I send money to the hopefully soon to be ex and try to keep on contact. Hopefully I will phrase his question right but how much contact from my 5 yr old should I expect? I have to initiate any FaceTime or phone calls. I send postcards. I send her gifts. The soon to be ex can't bother to send me any drawings or initiate any contact so not sure if my daughter WANTS me in her life or if my ex is suppressing it.
What is normal?
In which state does D5 reside??

In this game, moving out is the biggest mistake you'll ever make. And, by the gist of your post, you moved out of state.

FYI - Maintaining contact with D5 is your responsibility - and yours alone. You must never expect NJ to maintain contact for you.

You need to move back to the neighborhood from whence you came. Ideally, you should move back in your house 'til a judge rules otherwise. <<< Gospel truth, Bro.

To answer your question about "What's normal:" In this game, nothing is ever "normal." Instead, it's incumbent upon you to fight tooth and nail for every minute of parenting time you can get.

Q: Are you legally married??

Tom
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Re: Question about what's normal

Unread postby gamingdad » Sun Jun 18, 2017 12:49 pm

Ah, yes. I see the dilemma. The approach you are taking is backwards. It's not "how much contact you should expect from your 5 year old". It's "how much contact your 5 year old should expect from you".
It's 50/50. Period. No more. No less.
And by moving away, without your 5 year old, is abandonment. Regardless of circumstances, because those can always change if addressed properly.
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Re: Question about what's normal

Unread postby Trevor » Sun Jun 18, 2017 1:54 pm

Bottom line: Your wife wants a divorce, but it's you who left the child in another state. WTF is wrong with you?

Nothing else matters about your circumstances. You have made the stupidest decision imaginable. And now you are expecting the person who wants to divorce you to make sure the child stays in touch with the person who fled the scene. JFC man.

No need to treat us like we've never before heard this fairy tale, chief. You're the one who's new to this, not us. And yes, it is indeed that simple. It's about the kid. And you're failing.
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Re: Question about what's normal

Unread postby Dadofonegreatson » Sun Jun 18, 2017 10:58 pm

You would be wise to listen to those long timers who are providing you feedback OP.
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Re: Question about what's normal

Unread postby MegaDad » Mon Jun 19, 2017 10:00 am

TXUTMD wrote:
BartSimpson wrote:Whoa! Back up a second . . .

You abandoned your child? You simply moved away from your 5 year old daughter?


Wtf!?! Who said I abandoned my child? Circumstances that are no ones < edited > business but my own. Nothing "simply" about it.



Can you tell us what those circumstances were? We are strangers on the internet who have zero idea who you are. If there was ever a place to lay it out all on the table so we can best help you, this is that place.

The issue is none of us here could imagine any circumstances that would require us to leave our kids in another state, so we need to know what's going on to see where your thinking is.
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