All the wrong moves and I'm losing D

Parental Alienation, Malicious Mother Syndrome, dealing with the ex, and various other non-legal concerns throughout the process.

All the wrong moves and I'm losing D

Unread postby ghoti » Thu Jan 12, 2017 12:53 am

Need help figuring out where to go next.

My divorce has been final for a year. The time from initial separation to divorce being final was about 4 months. Began dating my ex's best friend within a week of the divorce being final. There have been accusations of infidelity. That relationship has become quite serious and we moved in together about a month ago.

My 14 year old daughter (13 at time of divorce) initially stayed with me on my weekends, then resisted and as a result I gave in as long as she spent time with me on each day of my weekend. This deteriorated to her refusing to see me, then us landing on an agreement that she spends time with me on at least one day during my weekends. Not optimal but not terrible. She refuses to see my mom who lives about 2 miles away.

I learned over the holidays that my ex has been waging a campaign of disparagement against me and against my mother, sharing all of her accusations of infidelity as well as accusations that my mother somehow was complicit in the marriage ending. I learned this after I brought my mother to lunch with my daughter so that we could share presents. Since that lunch my daughter has been very hostile towards me and openly expresses rage towards her grandmother. My ex is completely unresponsive to my requests for help and gloats over my troubles.

I think my daughter needs therapy. My ex hopes that I force my daughter into therapy, even telling my attorney that doing so will cause my daughter to "hate me more".

Not sure where to go. My girlfriend suggests that we may have to break up. I am considering pushing for mandatory therapy for my daughter. I am also thinking about enforcing the parenting plan so that my daughter stays over, though she is extremely vocal that she will hate me if I do.I don't know what to do. Thoughts?
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Re: All the wrong moves and I'm losing D

Unread postby Outis » Thu Jan 12, 2017 1:03 am

What's your goal? And what's standing in the way of it?
What am I to do with all this silence
Shy away, shy away phantom
Run away terrified child
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Re: All the wrong moves and I'm losing D

Unread postby Chaos » Thu Jan 12, 2017 1:51 am

Outis wrote:What's your goal? And what's standing in the way of it?


Began dating my ex's best friend within a week of the divorce being final.
If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning.
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Re: All the wrong moves and I'm losing D

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Thu Jan 12, 2017 5:12 am

That relationship has become quite serious and we moved in together about a month ago.

Predictable as rain.
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Re: All the wrong moves and I'm losing D

Unread postby notsorewhat2do » Thu Jan 12, 2017 8:41 am

This isn't about what your EX is or isn't doing.

It is about a serious of really bad decisions you have made/continue to make.

Your daughter likely leaves for college and onward for good in years. What is more important to you -- your "girlfriend" or your daughter. You likely don't get to have both.

Why in the world, even if you had been divorced for years, would you think it was a good idea to date your Ex's best friend? Did you expect anyone to be happy for you? I am guessing that far more people than just your EX think you were cheating.

Man up, put your kid first, break up, and focus on parenting for the next few years.
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Re: All the wrong moves and I'm losing D

Unread postby Anything4Her » Thu Jan 12, 2017 11:14 am

My girlfriend suggests that we may have to break up.

She is correct. It was nuts to get involved so quickly and even more nuts to date your ex's 'friend'.

The next few years of your daughter's life are really important. Concentrate on that relationship.
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Re: All the wrong moves and I'm losing D

Unread postby Outis » Thu Jan 12, 2017 12:14 pm

Hit and run by an OP looking for someone to cosign his relationship.
Last edited by Outis on Thu Jan 12, 2017 12:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.
What am I to do with all this silence
Shy away, shy away phantom
Run away terrified child
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Re: All the wrong moves and I'm losing D

Unread postby ghoti » Fri Jan 13, 2017 2:01 pm

Outis wrote:Hit and run by an OP looking for someone to cosign his relationship.


Outis must = snarky in some language. Not looking to get a cosign at all, and I really appreciate the input from the other posters.
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Re: All the wrong moves and I'm losing D

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Fri Jan 13, 2017 2:52 pm

Glad you returned.

Relationship with the exs best friend? How is it that you didn't think it would cause problems? Was it a revenge thing? Surely she isn't that great of a catch.

Shed some light and help others understand.
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