Remarrying

Humor, philosophical, theoretical postions, judicial reform, rants, etc.

Re: Remarrying

Unread postby Mock Turtle » Thu Mar 09, 2017 9:56 pm

Havalu7 wrote:Must be the altitude on board the Enterprise!
Just my attitude on this board.
γού καvνοτ βε ας ςτοοpid ας Ι αm ηνλεςς γού Ηαvε βεεη ας ςmαρτ ας Ι ψας.
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Re: Remarrying

Unread postby JimRockford » Thu Mar 09, 2017 11:20 pm

You mention that you are "snipped." Now might be a good time to have them test a sample just to make sure that none are sneaking through.
Deciding to go forward with a divorce is kind of like joining a brotherhood. However, it is a brotherhood that you really don't want to join.
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Re: Remarrying

Unread postby Chasbo » Fri Mar 10, 2017 10:03 am

Chaos wrote:
Chasbo wrote:I'm certainly not rushing into anything. My belief in the institution of marriage is not high but I also see the value of being in a team pushing towards a common goal.

I can handle the emotional bs. I will pull the rip cord at the first sign of insanity. She knows that. Between my dad and my x wife, I've had my share of deranged behavior. I am snipped and financially independent - so no hostages this time. Marriage or no marriage, I will bail quickly if I need to.

It's not an imminent thing. But it's a possibility and my question was how to protect myself going forward . A prenuptial and honest money conversations should do it I think.


I mean, do they have vows that cover this situation? Why get married if that's how you're going into it?



It's a valid question.

I think it's because if I make a mistake I don't want to be excessively financially penalized.

I think marriage can be a great institution but I am not infallible and neither is she. I don't get why, if one makes a mistake in love or marriage, a person has to be scourged.

Try it. If it works then great. If it doesn't, hit the road. No bad feelings and no endless financial penalties. I despise the notion that divorce also equals financial penalties. Why should it?
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Re: Remarrying

Unread postby afc » Fri Mar 10, 2017 10:20 am

If it helps. I like being remarried. We are older, kids are raised.

One of the things I like best is that we don't _need_ each other. She can fully support herself financially, as can I. I'm not the entire center of her universe and she isn't with me. With my first marriage, it was exhausting to have the pressure of feeling responsible for someone's happiness and to be some sort of soul mate.

With my second, we are two self supporting people who very full lives who _want_ to be together.
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Re: Remarrying

Unread postby Trevor » Fri Mar 10, 2017 10:58 am

Again...what's gained by giving the state sanction in and jurisdiction over this? Deathbed access rights?
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Re: Remarrying

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Fri Mar 10, 2017 11:01 am

Was your marriage experience so bad that you cannot comprehend why others would want to be married?
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Re: Remarrying

Unread postby afc » Fri Mar 10, 2017 11:19 am

I love her. She loves me. Even though we both were divorced, we both thought each other was worth the risk of it failing. Things like taxes, inheritance, end of life care, etc all become easier with marriage.

Is it for everyone? Nope. Was it right for me and her? Yep
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Re: Remarrying

Unread postby Phoenix853 » Fri Mar 10, 2017 11:23 am

I don't know how true this is, but I read a lot about people blowing holes in prenups. Is there such a thing as an iron clad prenup? Divorce has a way of changing the other person to go nuclear and go to the ends of the earth to blow holes in things. The likely hood of another divorce in the future is in the stats and looks bleak.

My opinion is, you wouldn't have to worry about a prenup or protecting yourself if you didn't get married. I'm almost 3 years post and have no desire to marry. Seem at this point that life is good and I'm in charge of my own future. Don't get me wrong. I hope your marriage is one for the record books, but I have little faith in the institution of marriage. It's great if it worked, but I don't see Marriages post divorce getting better. If anything I see them getting worse.

Don't fall off the planet, come back and share your good and bad with the guys on this site. I'm sure your story could influence others in the same Delmar. Maybe they would start a new forum for After Divorce/Remarried section.

FOF,
I think your question outlines the concern most men have. It's not the marriage that spoiled it, but the divorce. Being burned in the courts and having to deal with the nutty things my Ex does, is exhausting. Some guys have to spend every penny just to get 50/50 or less. Give up future earnings, and most of there retirement to let that one go. I'm sure there are guys who just don't want to go through that again, and are more gun shy in pulling the trigger on the next relationship or marriage.
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Re: Remarrying

Unread postby afc » Fri Mar 10, 2017 11:28 am

Probably helps that Im a boring old fart who married another boring old fart. Plenty of money from both sides and kids are all raised and self sufficient. Two of the stressors of marriage - money and child rearing just aren't factors.
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Re: Remarrying

Unread postby Phoenix853 » Fri Mar 10, 2017 11:32 am

afc wrote:Probably helps that Im a boring old fart who married another boring old fart. Plenty of money from both sides and kids are all raised and self sufficient. Two of the stressors of marriage - money and child rearing just aren't factors.



I think that's a big factor. After the kids are out and on their own. Kinda how it is when you marry before the kids arrive on the scene.
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