ADVICE PLEASE? CHILD PHSYCOLOGIST OR NOT? HELP PLEASE

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ADVICE PLEASE? CHILD PHSYCOLOGIST OR NOT? HELP PLEASE

Postby dadu25 » Wed Oct 26, 2011 3:20 pm

My ex and I split up about 2 years ago. We both reside in Minnesota. We have one child together a girl whom is 6 years old now. I was actively involved in her life as i or my parents took care of her from 7am to 7 or 10 pm nearly each day in which my ex would pick her up and have her overnight and drop her off again the next morning. I took care of her from the day she was born until she was almost 5 years old. From the time my ex and I split up she began allowing me less and less contact with my daughter until march 2010 where she then moved my daughter an hour away with her new husband and herself and allowed very minimal, sporadic phone contact and no physical contact. She claims I am a drug user, I am a deadbeat and a bad role model thus she would not let me have much contact with my daughter. In September 2011 I went to my first court hearing which I petitioned to establish custody and child support. I have a ROP and I am on my daughters birth certificate but we were unmarried so I have to fight for my right to be in my daughters life. She has a lawyer and because of my financial situation ( only work part time until November) I am unable to afford one so I am pro se. I was very submissive in my first court hearing and I believe the judge respected and understood I just wanted my rightful time with my daughter. He expressed he wanted me to take his time to get back in my daughters life and gave me 4 hours each weekend and up to daily phone contact between 7 and 7:30PM. He said he will not be starting me with overnights quiet yet. He explained to my ex that I am entitled to 25% parenting time automatically and he sees no reason for supervised < parenting time >. This is a temporary order that has been established since September 2011. My ex claimed I was A drug user in which I denied and the judge said for my ex's "piece of mind" will I submit to drug testing and give her the results in 3 weeks after the hearing. I agreed and sent the negative results to her within 2 weeks. The judge also asked if there was any question of paternity and she expressed no as did I. It also states Either party is not to harass the other party during phone contact times and child exchange times.The judge also ordered us to mediate before the end of October even though I knew my ex did not want to I still agreed to everything the judge said. After the first hearing things got difficult. We were ordered to commence mediation by the end of September. I explained this to my ex as she said she had not received the documentation stating this. My ex began expressing (through text which I have every single sent and received message saved) that I was not my daughters biological father and that my rights will be stricken as she will be having another man she cheated on me with during our relationship do a NON COURT ORDERED DNA test. She said she did not want to mediate until the DNA test was done, she claimed that would be the middle of October. I explained no matter what I am my daughters father as I have always been and nothing will change that. I did not agree to do mediation later, I set up mediation and the mediator emailed her lawyer explaining the court ordered due date for mediation was the end of September 30th. She agreed to do mediation at the last second. We attended mediation once after that she cancled the second mediation and her lawyer wrote the courts a letter saying mediation was done. (also she switched lawyers, not sure why but her new lawyer seems as if she will be making this very hard). I was properly prepared with a reasonable proposed parenting schedule in which I gave different options such as I would like to have my daughter 4 weekends a month but I would agree on 3 weekends... and so on and so forth with holidays phone contact etc. I was very descriptive, specific and flexible with my schedule. I was not argumentative during mediation and attempted to be as cooperative as possible. She did not bring in a proposed parenting schedule and was very uncooperative explaining she did not want me involved in jades dance and such and did not agree to anything. directly after the first hearing She began cutting my court ordered phone contact time short with my daughter, sometimes not even allowing my daughter to answer or telling me no I will not be talking to my daughter tonight or she is busy E.T.C. some nights she would, some nights she wouldn't There was nothing logical to trigger these outburst's on her end that i saw. She also changed the phone contact time on Thursdays to 4pm as my daughter has dance. I agreed as I would like to speak with my daughter each day. She later said I will not be allowed to speak with my daughter on Thursdays as I am a jerk and it is to much of a hassle for her as she is works Thursdays. No matter how many times my ex has put up a road block and made things harder I was not harrasmental in any way as I realize this is about my daughter and it would be pointless to get angry over my ex's immaturity as well as I realize she would use it to hurt my case... My ex has also sent my daughter out in 50 degree weather without a coat and wearing sandals in which I addressed this and she refused to put her in proper clothing for the weather so I got her shoes and a coat of course... She has begun to attempt to alienate me telling my daughter things such as she is not to call me daddy, that she is to call her husband daddy that I want to kill my ex's husband and I am a deadbeat so on and so forth as this is what my daughter openly told me... My daughter has expressed she does not want to bring any pictures of myself and my family home nor any toys we give her as she says "mommy will get mad" she has also expressed she does not want to call me daddy, or say I love you on the phone as "mommy will get mad" I spoke with my ex over text message expressing I did not want to cause conflict, but that I would like her to stop speaking badly about me to my daughter and that I would like for my daughter to feel comfortable bringing pictures or toys to her house. She basically said stop texting me and waisting my time. Then the next time I dropped my daughter off and went to call her that night as I always do my ex answered and started screaming about how I supposedly told my daughter that her and her husband dont love her, that they love thee new baby more. Of course this was a complete lie I have never said that to my daughter I have tip toed around my words never blaming her mother or her mothers husband for anything as this is confusing enough for my daughter and I am not looking to brainwash her as my ex is. My ex's lawyer sent me a letter explaining to me that I am to immediately stop talking negatively to my daughter about her mother that I am not to record my daughter as recordings are not admissible in court and that my ex wishes I am to not speak with her via text or phone anymore. Of course I have never interrogated my daughter and recorded the conversation to use in court. I have never spoke negatively to my daughter about her mother. Of course these are lies and I believe my ex is going to try to convince the judge I am trying to turn my daughter against her mother in order to gain custody. The night before I was going to pick up my daughter my ex messaged me saying they will not be at the house and I am to pick my daughter up somewhere else. I sent her one message saying I will be sending you this one message that I will be at her house to pick up my daughter as I always am at 1pm tomorrow. She then said back that there is no designated pick up area. I haven't spoken with her since. Of course she was not there. I made a police report and went home. She tried contacting me a few times in which I did not answer. Next time I picked up my daughter the first thing she said was mommy said you could have came to see me last weekend but you didn't want to. Because of this whole situation in which my ex is making false allocations and attempting to brain wash my daughter I am seriously thinking about bringing my daughter to a child psychologist so she can explain the things her mother has been doing and saying as I would like this brainwashing to stop and I would not like my daughter involved in the messy part of this at all. I would go for full custody if I knew I would get it but I don't know if the parental alienation is serious enough that I would be granted this. Because I am just getting back into my daughters life and I only have A temporary order I don't know if the judge would like the fact that I brought her to A child psychologist. I know it is vital my daughter See's one so there will be an expert witness testifying on my behalf... Is there anything else I can do to prove my ex is attempting to brainwash my daughter? :(

Sincerely,
A Good Father[/b]
dadu25
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Re: ADVICE PLEASE? CHILD PHSYCOLOGIST OR NOT? HELP PLEASE

Postby Fatheroffour » Wed Oct 26, 2011 3:34 pm

Paragraphs please.

The first and foremost thing you want to do is document and prove to the court is that she is not following the court order. The resources you have must go towards documentation (proof), filing contempt charges and enforcement to get back in front of the judge and get that 25% he said you are assured.

What you are wanting to prove, (the brainwashing) , is a rabbit hole at this point. It would take a mental health professional to conclude such a thing. That's not what you need to prove right now.

You should request a formal custody evaluation as a remedy when you win file contempt charges.
“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.”― Mark Twain
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Re: ADVICE PLEASE? CHILD PHSYCOLOGIST OR NOT? HELP PLEASE

Postby jamessick » Wed Oct 26, 2011 4:09 pm

Do you have email contact with the mother? If so, ask her in email why she feels its necessary to not have your daughter call you daddy and why she says she's supposed to call the new husband daddy. I'll bet the response would be a wonderful thing to have in your ammo pouch.

But, as FOF says, you need documentation. Filing a police report was helpful, I hope you have a copy of it. Send the mother an R3 letter (return receipt requested) letting her know you object to her not allowing your daughter to talk to you as the parenting order states. That starts the paperwork trail to show her continued pattern of denying you access to your child. When you have collected enough documentation (see lawyer consult) then (if you can afford it) get another drug test because you know the other attorney will hit with that again to delay things. This way, you're proactive and can immediately produce a negative reult from a very recent testing.
I am a dad. It is not a simple title, nor a professional position. It is a aggressively defended FACT!
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Re: ADVICE PLEASE? CHILD PHSYCOLOGIST OR NOT? HELP PLEASE

Postby Bubba Seal » Tue Nov 01, 2011 8:28 am

If there is any doubt about you being the father then you might want to get a DNA test yourself.

In the end you need to start thinking about what is really best for your daughter, your ex is remarried and hopefully in a stable situation, this going back and forth cant be good for your daughter, this may be a situation where you need to just walk away, cause it doesnt sound like you are ever going to get anywhere on this too me,. There are just too many holes in your story for me to be positive in your favor.
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Re: ADVICE PLEASE? CHILD PHSYCOLOGIST OR NOT? HELP PLEASE

Postby Trevor » Tue Nov 01, 2011 4:43 pm

If you want more people to respond to this eyeball-pain inducer, edit your post to include paragraph breaks. I am surprised that anyone managed to get through that wall of letters. Do yourself a favor, make it easy for very busy Dads to help you out by making your posts easy to read. Help us help you.
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Re: ADVICE PLEASE? CHILD PHSYCOLOGIST OR NOT? HELP PLEASE

Postby TransAm » Tue Nov 01, 2011 4:50 pm

Really. Even though I have the time, I think I'll skip this one.
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