Remarried With New Family, Question About Vacations

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Remarried With New Family, Question About Vacations

Unread postby dogsrlocked » Mon Feb 12, 2018 6:22 pm

I'm not sure if this is the right forum to ask this on, but I have been unsuccessful with any research online.

I am newly remarried, almost one year next month, I have one son from my previous marriage and a step-daughter, both 7 years old. My step daughter has two weeks of Spring Break in March, and my son only gets one... the first week of my step-daughter's Spring Break coincides with my son's. During this week my step-daughter will be going to Disneyland with her father, step-mother, and family. I asked my wife if during this first week of Spring Break she would like to go camping with me and my son, her step-son. I was not expecting the answer I got, she said "you" and my son "should go. I will stay back. If it's anything overnight and out of town it's more like a vacation. The last thing I want is for her (step daughter) to think we took a "family" vacation without her. I think if it's just the boys that's a different thing because we've done mommy/daughter stuff together like that."

I thought of this as a way for her to not only get out-of-town, but to spend some one-on-one time with our son, which I feel is important. I don't feel that by doing this she is doing anything behind her daughter's back, because she is already on vacation with her family in Disneyland during this time. If her daughter feels that this is unfair, then we need to explain that she was on vacation, and that if she wants to go camping with us that we can plan one with her too. Am I way off base here to think this way? I feel if the roles were reversed that I would jump at a chance to do this and spend time with my step-daughter.

I guess my question is should I just forget trying to talk her into going for the sake of strengthening our family's relationship, or just take my son for a "boys weekend" away? I have a feeling that if I do, this will ultimately lead to some kind of resentment towards me for doing so. Any thoughts?

Thank you
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Re: Remarried With New Family, Question About Vacations

Unread postby Trevor » Mon Feb 12, 2018 6:26 pm

Maybe she doesn't like the idea of ticks and chiggers. Let her stay home and watch tv. It's adventure time for Dad and Son!
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Re: Remarried With New Family, Question About Vacations

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Mon Feb 12, 2018 6:30 pm

Respect her decision as you would have her respect yours
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Re: Remarried With New Family, Question About Vacations

Unread postby dad2grls » Mon Feb 12, 2018 6:50 pm

My first question when reading posts such as yours is "Why the Heck did you get married again?" Anyone who's been through a bad marriage and an even worse divorce knows there's nothing to gain by getting married and everything to lose especially with subsequent marriages that involve children from previous relationships because there are just so many ways for conflict to occur.

It appears your latest wife does not share your interest in camping and who knows what else.

Is this a surprise to you? Maybe there's other compatibility issues as well and this is just the tip of the iceberg.

Anyway I'd be miffed at the lost opportunity to bond and continue to blend the new family.
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Re: Remarried With New Family, Question About Vacations

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Mon Feb 12, 2018 7:22 pm

dogsrlocked wrote:The last thing I want is for her (step daughter) to think we took a "family" vacation without her.....If her daughter feels that this is unfair, then we need to explain.....
Frankly Bro, I think someone's manipulating you.
What are you supposed to do??.....sit at home the entire Spring Break week while step-daughter goes to Disneyland?? <<< Now that's a vacation!!

Go camping with your son. Make it a father-son event. Have a great time.

What state are you in?? Tell us more about your parenting plan with S-7.

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Re: Remarried With New Family, Question About Vacations

Unread postby dogsrlocked » Mon Feb 12, 2018 10:52 pm

Thanks for the feedback so far...

Tom... I’m in AZ, modified 3/4 schedule w/ one full weekend (Sat/Sun) per month. No help from the the X whatsoever with trying to accommodate my firefighter schedule, so I do a lot of shift trades, use vacation & sick leave to ensure I can keep joint, 50/50 custody.


dad2grls... I wonder why too sometimes, but I felt that giving my son a good example of marriage and trying to provide him a solid family is important. I’m under no illusion that any marriage isn’t without its ups & downs, and conflicts of interest. I have a great marriage with my new wife, I just want to be sure I’m seeing things from different perspectives.
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Re: Remarried With New Family, Question About Vacations

Unread postby BartSimpson » Mon Feb 12, 2018 11:05 pm

Do you not have concerns for these two unrelated children of the opposite gender being thurst into such propinquity? Have you some faith that step-something is all that is necessary to prevent serious issues and incidents?
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Re: Remarried With New Family, Question About Vacations

Unread postby dogsrlocked » Tue Feb 13, 2018 7:13 am

Bart... my two children were never “thrust” into any situation. My wife and I dated for over two years and we slowly introduced our children to one another over that time. We even moved in together for a year before deciding if this would be a good fit for not only us, but our children as well. They have both had their own separate bedrooms the entire time, and they both have a great relationship. My wife does a great job of working with me to mitigate issues and incidents, and so far so good.
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Re: Remarried With New Family, Question About Vacations

Unread postby madalex » Tue Feb 13, 2018 10:49 am

Apparently, you and your new wife have different views of how to approach things with your respective kids. Rather than ask a bunch of strangers on the internet, maybe you should have a deeper discussion with her about her reaction.

The fact that you would jump at the chance to spend time with her and her daughter if the roles were reversed doesn't make you right and your wife wrong for reacting the way she did. You are both going to approach your own kids and the other person's kids differently, so the sooner you come to terms with that the better. She's going to favor her child and you are going to favor yours. If you start going resentful every time she doesn't react to your child the way you think she should, your great marriage isn't going to last very long.

dogsrlocked wrote:I wonder why [I got remarried] too sometimes, but I felt that giving my son a good example of marriage and trying to provide him a solid family is important.


The ship has already sailed, but these are really dumb reasons to get remarried. Why does your son need "a good example of marriage"? Your focus should be more on being a good example of a father. And, a "solid family" doesn't need a wife and other kids; you and he can be that whether or not you got remarried. I hope it works out for you.
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Re: Remarried With New Family, Question About Vacations

Unread postby Chicyn2001 » Tue Feb 13, 2018 11:33 am

OP - I think you're blowing this out of proportion. It's great that you invited the new wife but if she doesn't want to go then so be it. Perfect opportunity for you and the boy to bond. My father spent a week or two every summer doing his annual fishing trip to Canada. My brother and I went most years and had a blast. Mom had no interest staying in the woods with no running water and fishing for a week so she didn't go. I think she was glad to have the house to herself for a bit. If it becomes an issue for the step-daughter then maybe plan a long weekend for all of you to do something fun together.

I'm certainly not going to crucify you because you got remarried. It's your decision and your business. A lot of 2nd marriages don't work out but many do so if she makes you happy then I wish the best for both of you. There are thousands of step-brothers and step-sisters that reside in the same home all over the world with no issues so just do your best to be a good parent to both kids.
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