Remarried With New Family, Question About Vacations

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Re: Remarried With New Family, Question About Vacations

Unread postby BartSimpson » Tue Feb 13, 2018 12:39 pm

There are thousands of step-brothers and step-sisters that reside in the same home all over the world with no issues
First, it is a social construct of our culture - there is no such thing as “step-anything” in the law*. It is a hallucination to think that these children are immediate siblings, and the attempt to make such out of the language used creates cognitive dissonance for the child. To not understand the harm is to deny second divorces - read any men’s posts about never seeing their step-child(ren) again?

Second, there is a sexualization in the home that is missed - parental intercourse is something we naturally block out, who thinks of their parents doing it when a 7 year old child? But when Dad is doing the new wife, and Mom is doing the new husband, the concept of sexuality is hastened and you can bet not being talked about (in age appropriate terms) around the household.

We know collectively, from posters on this forum reporting individually, that the issues of step-child rivalry are a primary cause of 2nd divorces - many fathers having reported accusations against their sons to compound the issues of divorce. We also have personal experience on this forum with a very sad drowning of a father’s child due to a step-sister, whose history would have precluded leaving the child in her care, but new wifey demanded it. Ironically, the evil step-mother is a principle character in Disneyland, and we all know who lives in “her house”.

#MeToo serves as a warning to Father’s, particularly with sons, electing to remarry a woman with same age pre-pubescent and sexually mature teens. Think about it, talk to your kid about it, and make sure the boundaries are not just in the language used.

Not intended directly at the OP, but I hope I have been of service to some fathers reading , rethinking this whole “step-nonsense” for a rational approach to second marriages and the myth of blended families. Maintain the individual identity of paternity first - not some ionic-bond of remarriage.

* the single exception is step-parent adoption.
Last edited by BartSimpson on Tue Feb 13, 2018 12:41 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Remarried With New Family, Question About Vacations

Unread postby dad2grls » Tue Feb 13, 2018 12:40 pm

dogsrlocked wrote:dad2grls... I wonder why too sometimes, but I felt that giving my son a good example of marriage


More than half of marriages fail. In most of those cases Dads get stuck paying spousal and child support to a wife who might be bonking some other dude who sometimes replaces him in the house and in his former father role. Divorced dads usually have limited time with their kids and much of what they've earned in their lifetime evaporates between the legal fees related to divorce and what they have to give to the exwife in assets and support.

You've already been divorced once. From a woman who you thought you would spend the rest of your life with. A woman with whom the marriage was great. Until of course it wasn't.

Yet you want to give your son a good example of marriage.

This sort of thing blows my mind when I read it. It's like you're driving down the road and you witness a horrible car accident, you pull over rush over to the drivers door and pull the guy out of his wreck to a safe distance as the car explodes in flames, and then suddenly, inexplicably the guy you just saved pulls himself to his feet runs towards the car and jumps back in again.
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Re: Remarried With New Family, Question About Vacations

Unread postby RC611V » Tue Feb 13, 2018 12:58 pm

I've known and accepted my parents have sex since I understood that I am a creature replicated from/with/by my parents' DNA. It only takes a basic understanding of how life works to figure it out, and almost all kids have the 'brain capacity' to figure it out themselves, no explanation needed. That's why we don't talk about it - not because it is taboo, but because it is so obvious. Kinda like we don't point out over and over that the sun comes up and makes the day start. It's pretty obvious, ain't it? Don't need to dumb that one down much.

No big deal.

Awfulize much? What happened to not letting peace be disturbed?

I was raised in a blended family. My parents are still married (and I don't envy their relationship a tiny bit, by the way). My 'sister' calls both her dad and my dad the same name, 'dad'. Also, my mom she calls 'mom', and her mom the same. And I've called her 'sister' since I realized she was going to live with us for a long time. I was 10.

What's the big deal?

If someone is searching for someone to show their kid how to have a 'healthy' relationship, well that is kinda funny. Like, there is plenty of development to happen internally that is a definite prerequisite to having any outward relationship, so that 'practicing' with someone else isn't really necessary, I think, when you're a child. Like, you have to 'love yourself' before you can 'love someone else', right? I think that is true. So for a kid, having a model of one man and one woman as the 'ideal' adult structure, doesn't seem critical. I'm trying to teach my kids to be able to take care of themselves. That's pretty much my main goal. Being healthy and happy in a 'relationship', that's an adult thing to figure out and they'll get to it when they're adults and no longer my dependent. I'll just give some advice. If they are good with themselves, being a good person to be around will come somewhat naturally, and at least, they'll have the tools to mold themselves on their own.

There's plenty of reasons to have or not have an adult relationship when you're married/divorced/separated/kids/no kids/blended or whatever, such that not wanting your kids and step kids to be phking seems low on the list.
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Re: Remarried With New Family, Question About Vacations

Unread postby HaltAndCatchFire » Tue Feb 13, 2018 5:19 pm

RC611V wrote:I'll just give some advice.

Kids follow your example, not your advice.
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Re: Remarried With New Family, Question About Vacations

Unread postby Chicyn2001 » Tue Feb 13, 2018 6:02 pm

HaltAndCatchFire wrote:
RC611V wrote:I'll just give some advice.

Kids follow your example, not your advice.

I think RC was referring to when his kids become adults. Young children will follow your example but by the time they're in their 20's what more examples can you set for them that you already haven't? I was in middle school when I think I figured out my father was a hard worker, loved his kids, loved my mother and provided for his family. The example was set early but I still ask him for advice on a regular basis.
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