Advice - sale of marital home?

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Advice - sale of marital home?

Unread postby Optimist630 » Tue Feb 06, 2018 2:56 pm

So my divorce went final almost a year ago. In a few weeks on that anniversary our last entanglement becomes an issue. Here are the details:
She lives in the home. Our agreement is she had 12 months to get me off the mortgage and pay me an agreed upon amount (not life changing but 5 digits). After that, our decree states the home shall “immediately” be put on the market to be sold at a reasonable price with proceeds split equally.

There weren’t assets to offset this amount. I gave her as long as I did hoping she could refi because then I get my money without forcing a sale and the variables associated. Specifically, her not fixing things up properly for sale and that she works in the real estate business so I feel susceptible to shenanigans there.

She claims she is trying to get something done but time is running out fast.

I want my equity and I want my name off a large mortgage. I’m not afraod of her playing victim and selling me as the bad guy to our child or her others (my former step children).

My plan is to soon feel her out for her intentions. If a last minute refi isn’t coming I will file a motion just after the expiration of one year.

Any thoughts? I know my leverage is limited because she lives there and can probably kick the can down the road a while. She hates confrontation and I don’t think she wants to appear in front of a judge, which from what I read will happen if I file the motion. As of right now I do not plan on entering into further agreements with her. I failed to keep her at arm’s length about nine years ago so now I’m super defensive and want little to do with her.

I recently explained to her I very much need the money for medical related costs to try to make it a very matter of fact thing. I don’t go down the emotional road with her anymore.

This is why you don’t enter into such entanglements but this was hard to avoid. With children I knew she would have been granted some amount of time so this day was inevitable. I granted more time when negotiating the settlement for reasons I felt were worth it, the biggest being that she was more worried about the house than our child and being “nice“ there got me everything I wanted with custody. As a bargaining chip the house has already gotten me much more than the potential equity proceeds that I can receive. But that won’t make me be passive.

Thanks for your time fellas!
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Re: Advice - sale of marital home?

Unread postby Trevor » Tue Feb 06, 2018 8:02 pm

This is the time to procure counsel so that once the 12 months expires you're already prepared. Start talking to a trusted realtor (be honest about the circumstances) and, if you can pull off having a licensed appraiser knock at her door with a tape measure and laptop in hand, it will send a strong message. This last bit might be a little over the top, but at least an email inquiring about setting an appointment with appraisers would not be provocative but should get her thinking.
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Re: Advice - sale of marital home?

Unread postby LovingDadof2 » Wed Feb 07, 2018 7:51 am

Optimist630 wrote:With children I knew she would have been granted some amount of time so this day was inevitable. I granted more time when negotiating the settlement for reasons I felt were worth it, the biggest being that she was more worried about the house than our child and being “nice“ there got me everything I wanted with custody. As a bargaining chip the house has already gotten me much more than the potential equity proceeds that I can receive. But that won’t make me be passive.
Good job Dad, it's evident that you still have your priorities set in the right place.

I second Trevor's advice. Go to the lawyer and get the motion prepared now so that when the anniversary hits, you are ready to file. No sense in letting this fester any longer than necessary. Get it on the docket. You need to move past this financial entanglement and get it resolved ASAP.
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Re: Advice - sale of marital home?

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Wed Feb 07, 2018 9:08 am

This is one reason out of a few that I am of the strong opinion that the marital home gets sold straight away, no one gets it no matter what.
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Re: Advice - sale of marital home?

Unread postby HaltAndCatchFire » Wed Feb 07, 2018 10:18 am

lovingfatherof2 wrote:This is one reason out of a few that I am of the strong opinion that the marital home gets sold straight away, no one gets it no matter what.

Absolutes are never true. <-- See what I did there?

My home was a premarital asset. The mother was never on the mortgage or title. I paid her out, kept the home and locked in geographic restriction all thanks to the help of this forum.
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Re: Advice - sale of marital home?

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Wed Feb 07, 2018 11:31 am

You might not realize it because the ink isn't even dry, but your house will be a source of contention between the two of you into the foreseeable future. Give it a year or two, I promise you it will rear its ugly head sooner or later.

BTW, it wasn't a premarital asset if you had to pay her out.
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Re: Advice - sale of marital home?

Unread postby HaltAndCatchFire » Wed Feb 07, 2018 1:35 pm

I'm oversimplifying here because the Thomas calculation in Georgia is complex, but the portion of the equity gained during the marriage is a marital asset. I clearly owned the home for six years before marriage, and neither the mother nor OC ever challenged my frame of remaining in my home.
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Re: Advice - sale of marital home?

Unread postby Optimist630 » Sun Feb 11, 2018 11:58 pm

When thd ex gets mad, and she will, I will try to direct any communication to text or email so when the inevitable threats of some form, they are documented.

We are at a “good“ point Currently. There were frequent blowups early when I defended our custody agreements and she didn’t like it. We have a ROFR which means I see my daughter a whole lot more, such as days off of school because my Ex has to drop her off with me. On days where her other three kids are home this bothers her greatly because it’s separating them. I believe our six-year-old going through this should be with a parent as much as we can arrange for it, so of course I want to see her rather than neither of us see her. It’s definitely a tough situation, but I refuse to have her leverage her other kids against me essentially. The way I see it, if either of us is available, in the same town, and the other isn’t around it’s pretty simple. She finally stopped fighting it and has accepted this reality. After almost a year I’m comfortable that she wouldn’t be able to get this changed if she tried,
So the potential of angering her over trying to have our agreement on the house honored doesn’t scare me.

Stand your ground fellas. To those just out of divorce, keep your head up and get her out of it. The reason the fear is gone is because I fought for the right things. It’s a good feeling.

Oh, and are you ready to be shocked? Mr. wonderful didn’t fight and sees his kids the minimum.

Perhaps I will post a “one year later“ thread. If it helps one dude to see that you can go from anguish to just fine in that time it is worth it. This forum surely helped me.
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Re: Advice - sale of marital home?

Unread postby Trevor » Mon Feb 12, 2018 12:59 am

Optimist630 wrote:I will try to direct any communication to text or email so when the inevitable threats of some form, they are documented.

No. Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try.

No. Text not. Email, or emil not. Text is hearsay. There is no text.
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Re: Advice - sale of marital home?

Unread postby Optimist630 » Mon Feb 12, 2018 6:09 am

Yes its all coming back to me now. She used to get so mad when I emailed or told her to do so. She would call and tell me something, saying she didn’t have time for email. I do answer calls if she has daughter due to a serious medical condition she has. If I have her, not happening. We have never had a horribly contentious dynamic. Mostly her getting mad at any resistance.

Her care-free demeanor currently is puzzling. She either thinks I will do nothing, she has a plan of her own or ignorance really is bliss. Regardless, it’s about to get turbulent, but all she had to do is live up to our agreement. Don’t see it as my problem.
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