MA - Strategy and feedback Part IV

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MA - Strategy and feedback Part IV

Unread postby massdad1234 » Wed Jan 17, 2018 9:21 am

Continuation of: http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=79834
Highlights:
State: MA
Married: less than 10 years
Filed: March
Final decision: Jan 18
Overnights - Thursday/Friday/Saturday
Sunday until 6PM
Joint decision making on non-emergency decisions
I'm responsible for all the kids costs when she moves out - if I agree to in writing before hand (not going to happen unless she contributes)
Kids remain in school district, if both parents relocate, they follow mom.

Game plan:
Look to quickly move out of the marital home (rent for now, possibly sell if needed)
Rent a place in school district as quickly as possible
Look to add additional non-court ordered days for at least 12 months.
Continue to journal daily to record
Look to file a modification after building new status quo.
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Re: MA - Strategy and feedback Part IV

Unread postby LovingDadof2 » Wed Jan 17, 2018 9:45 am

I am of the position that keeping the marital home and ability to provide the least amount of disruption to status quo (there is no getting around the fact that the STBX will no longer be living here), and am supportive of their relationship with their mother. Between their activities, community and proximity to their elementary school, my work flexibility, day-to-day involvement, I will take my chances with any judge who so far has been pretty pragmatic. That is why I made the call to lock in that I keep the marital home.
Mass, why the change of heart to move out of the marital home. From reading your posts, I was under the impress you believed this was in your children's best interest? You fought to keep it and won, so what has changed?
Last edited by LovingDadof2 on Wed Jan 17, 2018 10:07 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: MA - Strategy and feedback Part IV

Unread postby massdad1234 » Wed Jan 17, 2018 10:02 am

financial concerns. I don't believe I could afford it and not put the kids at risk if anything financial came up. By renting it out and dropping my housing costs by close to $800 per month with potential rental income, I can absorb the CS and remain in the school district.

I genuinely didn't think the judge would order the kids out of the marital home the majority of the time based on ex's work schedule and my involvement. I still don't see how its in their best interest and I have a demonstrated past of not gatekeeping the kids.
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Re: MA - Strategy and feedback Part IV

Unread postby LovingDadof2 » Wed Jan 17, 2018 10:10 am

Makes complete sense. I know it's not what you wanted (uprooting kids to new home) but you'll find some positives.

Why does the parenting plan get revisited if she moves out of the District? Can't your Ex simply drive/pick-up kids for school. What judicial logic requires her to live in district boundaries to prevent a parenting plan change?
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Re: MA - Strategy and feedback Part IV

Unread postby dadforever » Wed Jan 17, 2018 10:14 am

I think the positive is that in some sense, your order allows your ex to save face.
Your ex strikes me as someone that cares much more about the appearance of things than the reality of things.

Why is this a positive? Because she is now likely to let her guard down.
Now here is the tough part:

Be nice. Be accommodating. Check your ego for now.
As you are accumulating more time and status quo, don't tell ANYONE that you plan on filing for a modification. Not even your parents. In fact, hint the opposite: when anyone asks, shrug your shoulders. It was a tough time. Maybe you could have been less emotional. Blah blah....

Maintain the element of surprise at all costs. Then when the time is right, go right for the jugular.
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Re: MA - Strategy and feedback Part IV

Unread postby massdad1234 » Wed Jan 17, 2018 10:16 am

this is what the decree states:

"the children shall continue to attend the x school system as long as one of the parents to continues to reside in x. if neither parent resides in x in the future, then the children's residence for school shall be mother's residence for purpose of school attendence"
I think it also states the children are to reside in the x school district and if both parents relocate, they follow the mother. I interpret that also to mean if mother relocates outside x school district, the parenting plan would need to be modified

When i posed this question to my laywer, he confirmed it saying "i believe you are 100% correct"
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Re: MA - Strategy and feedback Part IV

Unread postby massdad1234 » Wed Jan 17, 2018 10:18 am

i'm with you 100% dadforever. Which is why I needed to take some time and process. Believe me, this one is in the vault!

I can tell i have to be vigilent, instead of having daddy time with one of the kids she took them over to a friends house and "is having lunch there". I had to push back and basically say, if she is available, I want to spend time with her.

Ex's response "she needs a social life", kid's not even in K!!
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Re: MA - Strategy and feedback Part IV

Unread postby LovingDadof2 » Wed Jan 17, 2018 11:37 am

Mass, I don't know? Your lawyer obviously knows more than me, but I wouldn't interpret that clause the way you both are.

I think it's accepted that children need to reside in x school district, to attend x school district. As long as you (mass) continue to reside in x school district, children can still attend x school district. That's why the clause is put in there, no... to keep kids in current school in case mother moves away? I don't see how your decree wording (in any way) indicates if you EX moves out of district, that calls for the parenting plan to be revisited?

The only way I interpret (from the language you posted) that the parenting plan would be revisited is if you BOTH move outside district and hence kids follow mother. Until that happens, where does it call for change? I am just pointing this out to help you. It's still fresh. Maybe I am wrong, but I hate to see you hoping for something that's not even real.
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Re: MA - Strategy and feedback Part IV

Unread postby massdad1234 » Wed Jan 17, 2018 11:50 am

I understand what you're saying. I am saying if mother resides outside of school district, dad's residence should be considered the school based property.

I'm not saying its the only thing, but with a potential status quo of me getting more days than on plan (i might be wrong that she won't give a day), the mother not residing in the school district, i'm not sure why the courts wouldn't consider changing the parenting plan. Especially if I'm in the school district and she lives outside of it and isn't using all her court appointed time.

Thoughts?
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Re: MA - Strategy and feedback Part IV

Unread postby LovingDadof2 » Wed Jan 17, 2018 12:49 pm

Not sure if PPR is recognized in your state, but sounds like you want a clause that states "If either parent moves outside of District, the other parent becomes parent of primary residence (PPR) for educational purposes."

I sure do hope she gives you more days than you are expecting. You don't need me or us to tell you what to do and how to get the parenting plan modified if you build status quo in your favor.

How long until your EX has to move out?
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