Can I stop this?

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Can I stop this?

Unread postby LovingDadof2 » Wed Jan 03, 2018 2:36 pm

Less than 3 weeks ago EX moved out and immediately introduced her much younger, felon (pleaded guilty to selling drugs that were non marijuana) boyfriend to my kids. I had the kids over most of the Christmas break and was playing with my son on his Xbox when up pops a friend request from the guy (I admit, I didn't even know Xbox's had this capability). Now, my son was smart, immediately told me who this was and deleted the request. I later tried to find him and block him, but couldn't. I spoke to Ex about this and of course she blew it off as no big deal as she wants him to be a part of the kids lives.

My question is (trying to stay level headed): Do I have a legal right to keep him away from my kids on my parenting time? I understand I can't stop him from being around my kids on her time, but what about mine? I don't like the idea of an adult felon trying to befriend my minor kids, especially when they are with me. There is no need for him to speak with them. If so, what are my options?
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Re: Can I stop this?

Unread postby HaltAndCatchFire » Wed Jan 03, 2018 2:45 pm

Yes, you can control who has access to your children during your parenting time.

How do you know what he was convicted of?
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Re: Can I stop this?

Unread postby Chaos » Wed Jan 03, 2018 2:56 pm

You did, so I guess you can.

I'm not really sure what you mean though. Like, can you forbid your kids from talking to him on Xbox while they're with you? It doesn't sound like they want to talk to him at the moment anyway, right? Is there another scenario you're concerned about? What are you going to do if your kids do end up wanting to talk to him? If he's around long enough, best case scenario is they'll have a friendly relationship with him. I'd take a hands off approach and let the kids decide on this one.

I'd probably feel different if he was a violent felon. Something like 8-9% of the population has a felony conviction, so that's a lot of people to screen out. Out of curiosity, do you think you'd feel all that different about mom's bf if he wasn't a felon? Because as new as your divorce is, it would probably <urine> me off regardless if I was you, and if that's the case it's worth considering your motivation.
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Re: Can I stop this?

Unread postby LovingDadof2 » Thu Jan 04, 2018 3:16 pm

He pleaded guilty and was convicted of selling controlled substances (non-marijuana). Also has multiple misdemeanors for disturbing peace, etc.

Chaos - that's a great question. I'd like to think I'd be a bit easier w/o his record, but I don't know? It's been less than 3 weeks since she moved out and my kids have already told me there has been multiple fights at Ex's place (Ex vs. felon), enough to wake them up on school nights. I don't ask, but this really breaks my heart. I listen to them b/c it bothers them enough to bring it up to me. I also know for a fact that Ex and felon have already had 1 violent encounter during our divorce.

Should I have been clearer. What I want to know is that if he persists, do I have a legal option to ask the court to prevent him from contacting my children on my parenting time? I understand what happens at her house I cannot control, but I am trying to control what happens at my house. I want to shield my kids when they are with me (let the circus stay over there) and simply don't want this person contacting my kids. Can I do anything about it?
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Re: Can I stop this?

Unread postby BartSimpson » Thu Jan 04, 2018 3:44 pm

do I have a legal option to ask the court to prevent him from contacting my children on my parenting time?
The Court has no jurisdiction over this legal stranger - so the court has no means to prevent him from contacting your children.

Your problem is with the mother, not him.
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Re: Can I stop this?

Unread postby LovingDadof2 » Thu Jan 04, 2018 3:55 pm

Thanks Bart. I was worried this might be true.

I know I have a problem with the mother and unfortunately have no way to address this problem.
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Re: Can I stop this?

Unread postby RC611V » Thu Jan 04, 2018 4:19 pm

A big lesson to learn is the boundaries between parents after a divorce.

...
It isn't all that different from when you're married. When you disagree a lot, you try to get your way, and you have to compromise or negotiate, or give in all the time, or win your position every time. Usually the compromise part is the path for a happier relationship.

That is true when you're divorced too. You have to find the equilibrium point for how much 'control' you have over your kids when the other parent (or any other party, school, daycare, extracurricular, etc) has them.

For a lot of people this is a problem. We all want to enforce our ideas even after divorce. Power trip < bovine scat > usually. But even when you're genuinely concerned, you have to just mind your business a lot of times.
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Re: Can I stop this?

Unread postby gamingdad » Thu Jan 04, 2018 4:38 pm

Who created the Xbox live account? A kid 13 and under needs an adult to authorize with their own account.
I did for my kid.
If I want to block someone on his account I can with parental control.
If kiddo lied about age, that's another issue.
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Re: Can I stop this?

Unread postby massdad1234 » Thu Jan 04, 2018 5:51 pm

OP - no you don't, your only recourse is to build a stronger relationship with the mother so you and her can make joint decisions.

Do you think the mother would willingly put the child at risk? You have to trust her parenting decisions just like you expect her to do the same.

You don't have to be best friends with this guy, but trying to go to court of compel anything will only serve to drive the mother further away and close lines of communication.

Do you think that will make her more likely to listen to your concerns?
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