Need Help Coping

Your divorce and child custody agreements are final, get practical tips for moving on with your life after divorce.

Re: Need Help Coping

Unread postby Chasbo » Mon Jan 01, 2018 5:41 pm

mgtowthatish wrote:
BartSimpson wrote:
I've been on dating apps since separation and have met some really fun activity partners as well as dates and lovers.
Son, you are new here. That is horrible advice that is not consistent with this community.

We do not advocate any such behavior until one year after the divorce is final. Bet you don’t understand why?


Completely understand why. Just saying that being with someone can be a lot of fun, but not to rush into anything at all. Thank you for the feedback.


The advice is for the dummies who just have to fall in "love" immediately again. I agree that dating can be fun and therapeutic. You really do have cover your rear though. Stds , pregnancy, psychotic chicks are all real things. You also have to prioritize your kids. That part is essential.

I personally like to befriend my ex's boyfriend. And make sure he keeps in line. The issue with him having an affair with your wife and being a felon is problematic. But there is a saying. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. But I do understand your reluctance to engage.

And finally, people here are correct. Time really does help.
User avatar
Chasbo
2.5K+ Posts
 
Posts: 3264
Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2012 7:29 pm

Re: Need Help Coping

Unread postby LovingDadof2 » Mon Jan 01, 2018 6:54 pm

I am obviously ignoring the dating recommendation - it gave me a quick chuckle though.

I trying to make it through these dog gone cold days, I really am. I woke up this morning (had kids for past few days) to 9 texts sent at 2 AM telling me how she spent New Years Eve with her old (my current) neighbors, heard I was talking about her, she's notifying her counsel, they are not my friends, all gets back to her, etc.

I ignored her, didn't respond to her texts, ignored her when she picks up kids today for holiday but it bothers me. Neighbors found out (small town) about her affair and how fast she introduced the felon into their lives. Neighbors were very supportive these past 2 weeks. They were not happy with her (family's should be ripped apart for a mothers selfish desires in my and their opinion).

I am sure EX heard it from them and decided to spread more lies (to justify her actions) and alienate me. My EX loves to play the verbal and mental abuse card. So it bothers me b/c I worry other parents will believe her (many already do) and not let their kids have play dates or future sleep overs with my children. It's something I have to mentally get passed but it's really hard right now. I was hoping to start anew in 2018, but woke to the same old nonsense. Tell me it gets better.
Last edited by LovingDadof2 on Tue Jan 02, 2018 10:59 am, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
LovingDadof2
100+ Posts
 
Posts: 356
Joined: Tue Apr 11, 2017 1:34 pm

Re: Need Help Coping

Unread postby massdad1234 » Mon Jan 01, 2018 7:35 pm

so what did you learn? Those that are willing to gossip aren't your friends. If they are willing to gossip about her, what makes you think they won't gossip about you? You need to own your part in stirring this nest.

The best way to get away from those things is to just tell them flat out "I have nothing to say about it and would appreciate it if we didn't bring it up."

I have had most of my family turned against me. None of them were willing to pick up the phone and hear another perspective, they just believed what they wanted to hear. I'm sure she left out the part where she banged a married dude in his house a bunch of times, blah blah blah. You aren't going to convince them, if anything you might drive them more into their beliefs. It sucks, but thats what taking the high road is all about. Let her slander and do all the trashy gossip.

I would smile and wave from here on out with your neighbors, they are gossips. They should immediately be kept at a 10 foot distance.
massdad1234
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1784
Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2016 8:34 pm

Re: Need Help Coping

Unread postby Chasbo » Tue Jan 02, 2018 8:37 am

The fear of other kids not coming over to play is a real one. For some reason, women seem to find it imperative to win the pr war. It happened to me.

The fortunate side effect is that because your kids friends won't come over to play, you get more one on one time with them. I was pretty much ostracized for a year or two and I had the best fun with my kids and formed extremely close bonds with them.
User avatar
Chasbo
2.5K+ Posts
 
Posts: 3264
Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2012 7:29 pm

Re: Need Help Coping

Unread postby massdad1234 » Tue Jan 02, 2018 8:55 am

because how else will they control the narrative that their husbands are abusive monsters? By winning the PR war, and having others on their "side" it justifies their disgustiong and gross behaviour and attempts at alienating.
massdad1234
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1784
Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2016 8:34 pm

Re: Need Help Coping

Unread postby LovingDadof2 » Tue Jan 02, 2018 11:08 am

Thing is, I don't even know who she was speaking to? She could still be gaslighting me for all I know?

If they were drinking and gossiping, then yes they are not my friends. But if they approached her and called her out on it, then good for my neighbors. All EX said was "they are not my friends" and "it all gets back to her." So could be true for either scenario.

People are who they are. Neighbors hear terrible things about me (EX even admitted to alienating me in front of mediator to try and make me uncomfortable and not want to keep home) and they will need to decide if they believe her or not. I don't want them to be put in the middle or have to choose sides. I wouldn't want to do that if I were them. So I am giving them space and letting them make up their own minds - they know I am a good Dad.

But no matter where I put my head, it doesn't change if the neighbors will let their kids play here with mine. If they believe I am a liar and abusive, then I can understand their hesitation. The battle is over, I just wish my EX would start acting with the kids best interests first.
User avatar
LovingDadof2
100+ Posts
 
Posts: 356
Joined: Tue Apr 11, 2017 1:34 pm

Re: Need Help Coping

Unread postby massdad1234 » Tue Jan 02, 2018 11:15 am

frustration is based on expectations. I get you are frustrated the way your ex is still behaving, but why do you expect her to change?

For your year of piece, you need to focus inward first (work on self/put in the work) and your kids. Anyone that jumps to conclusions isn't interested in the truth or other's points of view.

Just because you stood up for yourself and fought for what you deserved, doesn't mean the ex will change her tune. How else is she going to sow her narrative and protect her ego - remember, you're just a dead beat dad who fought for parenting time to get out of paying child support right? (rhet)
massdad1234
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1784
Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2016 8:34 pm

Previous

Return to After The Divorce is Final – Moving On

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot], Euronymous and 2 guests