What to record once she moves out & parenting plan starts?

Your divorce and child custody agreements are final, get practical tips for moving on with your life after divorce.

What to record once she moves out & parenting plan starts?

Unread postby LovingDadof2 » Tue Dec 12, 2017 8:57 am

My Ex is slated to move out in the next couple of weeks (our divorce was finalized last month). We have a 50-50 parenting plan that will start once she moves into her new home.

My question: Besides keeping a calendar overnights and a journal for my personal thoughts, is there anything else I need/should to be recording?

When this all started, I kept a daily log of all me and my kids activities that covered almost everything from when I walked through the door until when I left for work the next morning (in case I had trouble securing 50-50). I have continued this record to date but am wondering if it is really necessary now?

I expect over time, I will have my kids a few more overnights (but not many) above the 50-50 plan due to her personal (Mr. Wonderful) and work schedule convenience. I expect little interaction with EX as all exchanges are slated for after school. I plan to keep all financial discussions to email for documentation purposes.

So, I am looking for guidance on what, at minimum, I should be saving/recording for the next +18 years until my smallest one is emancipated? I don't want to be posting later in this forum that hindsight is 20/20 and I should have done... Thanks!
User avatar
LovingDadof2
100+ Posts
 
Posts: 356
Joined: Tue Apr 11, 2017 1:34 pm

Re: What to record once she moves out & parenting plan start

Unread postby Trevor » Tue Dec 12, 2017 9:15 am

School interaction such as parent-teacher meetings; healthcare visits (and associated costs); exceptions to parenting schedule (agreed upon and imposed involuntarily); special travel; any noteworthy interactions with mom...
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
Trevor
Moderator
 
Posts: 23682
Joined: Mon Jan 31, 2005 8:55 pm

Re: What to record once she moves out & parenting plan start

Unread postby BartSimpson » Tue Dec 12, 2017 9:19 am

As you have observed, there are two things that are most common for problems - school and health.

With school, it’s the routine that becomes sacred above the parenting plan, and the selective use to deny time.

With health, it’s idiopathic complaints of issues perceived to occur at your house used against the parenting plan.

So you want to track the use of the child(ren)’s routine, and health complaints.
Volenti non fit injuria
User avatar
BartSimpson
20K Club
 
Posts: 27109
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 8:50 pm

Re: What to record once she moves out & parenting plan start

Unread postby massdad1234 » Tue Dec 12, 2017 9:51 pm

OP - leave space for you and the ex to become business casual. If your comment about your ex and mr wasn't just snark, you should lean into that for a bit. Your growth has been substantial since joining, just some candid feedback from someone who appreciates your contributions.
massdad1234
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1784
Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2016 8:34 pm

Re: What to record once she moves out & parenting plan start

Unread postby LovingDadof2 » Wed Dec 13, 2017 8:21 am

Thanks for the replies everyone and the compliment massdad. I work daily on getting myself in a better place mentally. This forum has helped tremendously! Being honest, I still have a long ways to go and probably sound a lot better on paper than I really am. But that's for another thread...

I have a follow-up question regarding children's health. My Ex was always the one that took our kids to the annual wellness visits and I took them to their bi-annual dentist visits. Our plan was to continue that routine. Should I now make it a point to attend their annual wellness visits too?

I hinted that I was going to attend this visit a few months back and Ex interpreted this as both annoying and imposing. I honestly don't care what she thinks, but don't want to create unnecessary conflict (especially since this wellness visit is scheduled for just 2 weeks after she first moves out).

So when you say attend all healthcare visits, do you mean attend every one (including annual check-ups) or just for ailments?
User avatar
LovingDadof2
100+ Posts
 
Posts: 356
Joined: Tue Apr 11, 2017 1:34 pm

Re: What to record once she moves out & parenting plan start

Unread postby BartSimpson » Wed Dec 13, 2017 9:42 am

You need to be involved in the child’s healthcare - that doesn’t mean you have to be sitting in the waiting room while your child gets their temperature taken and ears looked at. It’s knowing what is going on with your children’s health that’s most important, not equal time in the waiting room.

The health issues that concern me are things like mystery tummy aches the mother reports every time they return from your house. One of the favorite maladies is constipation, but any number of idiopathic complaints are used to suggest that the child is not tolerating the two households and needs to strictly reside with the mother.

If those start, then you need to be at every appointment. But crowding the Doctor’s office to attend routine and normal wellness checks isn’t the way to start showing interest in the child’s health.

What should be addressed is therapy, as you have seen on this forum. Mother’s have a sentiment that if the the child goes to the therapist, that the therapist will somehow suggest the mother’s course of action is necessary, and that course always excludes the father.
Volenti non fit injuria
User avatar
BartSimpson
20K Club
 
Posts: 27109
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 8:50 pm

Re: What to record once she moves out & parenting plan start

Unread postby steelmark » Wed Dec 13, 2017 9:55 am

I still journal after 2 years divorced with much less detail.

School, doctor/dentist, extra curriculars, where the kids are overnight (which parents home), my work schedule. I also use a large erasable wall calendar at home that I photograph and email to myself at the end of each month that largely matches the journal (belt & suspenders). The wall calendar is for the kids so they can always see the parenting schedule, I post 2 months at a time.

I just use a google calendar for cloud storage of the journal, easy access from any device.

It’s easy record keeping should I ever need to demonstrate my involvement again.
Prepare and execute to win by a thousand miles, just to be in position to win by an inch.
User avatar
steelmark
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1788
Joined: Wed Sep 11, 2013 10:01 am

Re: What to record once she moves out & parenting plan start

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Wed Dec 13, 2017 10:25 am

I still log everything and attend everything no matter what it is.

Because for me its not a question of IF she will take me to court someday its a matter of WHEN.
the funniest thing about this particular signature is that by the time you realize it doesn't say anything it's to late to stop reading it
lovingfatherof2
2.5K+ Posts
 
Posts: 2540
Joined: Thu Nov 19, 2015 12:50 pm

Re: What to record once she moves out & parenting plan start

Unread postby massdad1234 » Wed Dec 13, 2017 4:10 pm

offer to take the kids for their annual physicals.
massdad1234
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1784
Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2016 8:34 pm

Re: What to record once she moves out & parenting plan start

Unread postby a dad » Wed Dec 13, 2017 6:07 pm

Realize that you have court orders now, that help defend your rights. Some people keep stuff forever but after a bit, I destroy everything that was needed to get those orders unless there's any other reason to keep it, in which case I turn it digital and archive it. For you, that may be after she moves out.

I'd drop the journaling unless you think it helps you.

My personal and work schedules are in a google calendar, including parenting time. Planned time is repeated in stretches by marking days, not times, whereas changes are usually added with times. IOW, not super detailed. It's for my planning and knowing what's ahead but since I don't delete it, it will serve as a parenting log for the next decade. If you use a calendar to plan your events, include parenting time, and keep doing what you already do.

As Bones said, if there are medical issues with your kids, perceived or real, go to the appointment. I'd add that if you don't know the doctor, it may be good to meet them. Otherwise, you may be adding drama by going to the wellness checks, at least until you two are getting along professionally post-divorce.
User avatar
a dad
Moderator
 
Posts: 9730
Joined: Sun May 27, 2012 2:49 pm
Location: The Wild West

Next

Return to After The Divorce is Final – Moving On

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests