What to record once she moves out & parenting plan starts?

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Re: What to record once she moves out & parenting plan start

Unread postby LovingDadof2 » Thu Dec 14, 2017 8:05 am

All great feedback and ideas.

massdad - I already offered but she declined. She's going to run into issues with her work where I suspect she's going to need me to watch the kiddo's some weekend mornings? She has to leave pretty early and I suggested she'd bring them over at bedtime so that she wouldn't have to wake them early to bring over to my house. She immediately rejected that idea. I tried to explain it's in the kids best interest to let them get a full nights sleep and that she'd be losing no interaction time with them since she'd be bringing them at bedtime, but she failed to see my logic (I'm sure she's keen to the idea of not losing any nights).

I have to give her some space and let her make her own decisions. I suspect over time, her guard will drop and she'll bring them over for convenience? Only time will tell I guess...
Last edited by LovingDadof2 on Thu Dec 14, 2017 8:32 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: What to record once she moves out & parenting plan start

Unread postby Trevor » Thu Dec 14, 2017 8:18 am

You're right, parenting advice from you is probably not welcome at this time. The kids won't die from waking up early (she'll probably manage their bedtime to compensate, as you would do, right?) and yes, the trouble of waking up even earlier to collect the kids to drag them out of bed and over to your place won't take long to wear thin. Relax.
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Re: What to record once she moves out & parenting plan start

Unread postby mgtowthatish » Thu Dec 21, 2017 9:03 am

LovingDadof2 wrote:So, I am looking for guidance on what, at minimum, I should be saving/recording for the next +18 years until my smallest one is emancipated? I don't want to be posting later in this forum that hindsight is 20/20 and I should have done... Thanks!


I use iCal and share it with my STBX. It works out very well, and I maintain all of the doctor's appointments, parent teacher conference, athletic practices, and so on. I told my ex in mediation that I would maintain it, and she was fully supportive because I'm much more organized than her (former military helps I guess). I also have a personal calendar as well that overlays in a different color. My attorney has actually utilized my calendar to show what an involved dad I am.

I don't do it for the court of to <urine> of my STBX; I do it because I love coaching sports, volunteering at their school, and so on. The after effects of this are that all of the ex's witnesses tend to drop off and side with me. This happened last year at the boy's school, church, and athletic fields.

I would definitely document anything that is a violation of the court order and just keep track of it. I read Paul Elam's book "Say Goodbye to Crazy" and it was phenomenal. If there is a large infraction, or she keeps giving up custody time to be with Mr. Wonderful, then you can go back to court to modify physical/legal custody if need be. However, I have done a lot of research, and it shows that 50/50 custody is much better for the kids.
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Re: What to record once she moves out & parenting plan start

Unread postby TeflonDad » Wed Dec 27, 2017 1:54 pm

massdad1234 wrote:offer to take the kids for their annual physicals.

Nope. Just do it. Inform the ex/STBX after you've made the appointment and offer for her to attend.

You are just as capable of scheduling an appointment and taking them to the doctors as she is. Stop giving up your ability to do so by "offering" to be her backup, her secondary, just in case she decides to "need" you (meaning use you for taxi service).

Deal with it just as if you were the sole parent. That means scheduling and taking your kids to the doctor. Call the doctor's office and just ask if they've already been scheduled. You have parental medical rights and this does not enable HIPPA to be used against you in denying you information about the medical care of your child. Unless you were stripped of these by the courts. So make sure you demand preservation of your existing parental decisionmaking rights and powers-of-attorney in both educational and medical areas.
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Re: What to record once she moves out & parenting plan start

Unread postby massdad1234 » Wed Dec 27, 2017 2:30 pm

good point Teflon and more proactive.
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Re: What to record once she moves out & parenting plan start

Unread postby Bobby5000 » Fri Dec 29, 2017 1:32 am

Recording is a mixed bag. In situations of false allegations of domestic abuse it can be invaluable. However, it can also be overestimated when minor disputes are recorded, and it is not uncommon for both parties to have self-serving recordings irritating the judge.
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