Custody in VA

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Custody in VA

Unread postby ratty2009 » Tue Nov 21, 2017 2:24 pm

Ok, Newb Here but interested in view points as I move forward in Custody,< parenting time > and support trial/hearings.

Long story....

We separated last January, we crafted a agreement in which we discussed a parenting plan, < parenting time >, support (per the state guidelines where I chose to pay more) and living arrangements. We had it notarized.
We had 50/50 shared physical, she was to love in the marital home (both of us, I occupy the basement with own access) until the divorce was final) then we were to live and work in the same area, Split the children tuesday-tuesday each week, and rotate holidays.

All was fine until I found out from my D7 that mommy took a new job 4 hours away and was moving back to her parents.

She resigned her job, accepted another and told me she was moving and taking the kids. This was May. She voluntarily took a 35% pay reduction (we are both teachers)

I scrambled and tried to work with her and we made a new agreement (both of these are without lawyers and never went before a judge) which said we would share holidays, still share custody, agreed on an amount for CS and defined when I would have the children (2-3 weekends per month) summer holidays, etc. It stated we were supposed to build a calendar but never finalized it. IT stated I have open, and liberal < parenting time > anytime I'm in the area. Once she moved she began ignoring me, not giving me electronic access, as well as denying me physical access from time to time. on one weekend instead of bringing the girls to the meeting point, she took my daughters to her new boyfriends football game instead. (Whole other story)

I immediately petitioned for custody once it was evident she was just saying what ever to get down there and she told me she just wants me to pay her what I'm supposed to and leave her and my daughters alone. Our agreement said we were supposed to work together and try to have the schedule and time as close to equal 50/50 as possible with the distance. We had the girls 50/50 all summer, but I petitioned to try and stop them from starting school down there in september, not realizing how long the process is.

Sept came and Instead of keeping the girls and enrolling them in school, I let them start cause I was told that the legal process could have them returned.

Some facts.
She lives with her mom, her and my 2 daughters share 1 bedroom and 1 bed. -I sold the marital home which she released all rights to and have a very nice apartment in a extremely kid friendly area, with a downpayment sitting to buy when all of this is settled.
She is Horrid with finances (Credit score in the 400's, and 25k in loan and credit card debt- I have 700's and no debt except student loans)
She has withheld the girls from me when I have come into the area 8 times, and has had every member of her family do the same when I have come to see them, and she's not present. I have open and liberal access per our agreement.
Our agreement says I will have them on the 4th my birthday, and rotating holidays, she has withheld them from me on certain weekends that were mine. She is trying to have them christmas this year, even though it clearly says my year.
We are both teachers, but she has after school and weekend commitments 35 days more than me from Aug 1 to October 21. Her whole reason for her saying she should have the girls during the week was she would have more time, until she took a HS cheer coach job and she has practice daily and competitions saturday. I have been denied my girls countless times, and she gives them to family instead of me.

I petitioned in August, She petitioned for the same things in her new county a month later, even though I informed her I was due to her lack of honoring our agreement, and that I want them returned. She is simply being a monster to me with attitude and disrespect. She curses at me and says very inappropriate things in front of the children. I have NEVER said anything with attitude, lies or aggressive. I began recording all our conversations starting 5 months ago and have some pretty dating conversations where she is cursing me out in front of the kids, yelling, being disrespectful and withholding the kids.

I tried to settle with her to get clarity, and her response was I can call 2 times a week, have 2 weekends a month and we will rotate every 2 weeks in the summer. This is a far cry from our agreements saying as close to 50/50 as possible. she even wants me to not have daily contact with my D5 and D8

I went down last week to her counties hearing and they dismissed her petitions and said that they have to ask my court in another county to change the venue to hers, I go into court next to argue with my lawyer the change of venue against hers. There petition had 13 points 10 of which were lies or misinformation. I am prepared to fight it. But I am starting to question should I let it go to her venue.

Her venue assigns a GAL immediately, mine will not allow it as we both have representation. She has already secured an apartment out of her jurisdiction she is asking the courts to move it to,

We have a trail date set in my county for march. What should I be prepared for, what matters, what should I be paying attention for, what are the best truths to say?

Way more to this but this is a start
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Re: Custody in VA

Unread postby Havalu7 » Tue Nov 21, 2017 2:28 pm

OP need to run here but can you make your next post an elevator pitch with about a 5-8 floor ride duration; point one two and three maybe four no more. Make sense?
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Re: Custody in VA

Unread postby BartSimpson » Tue Nov 21, 2017 2:40 pm

You consented to her moving away.

When are you moving to be near your children?
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Re: Custody in VA

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Tue Nov 21, 2017 2:45 pm

ratty2009 wrote:.....we crafted a agreement.....We had 50/50 shared physical
Is this simply an agreement??.....or is this written in your decree (court order)??

ratty2009 wrote:I scrambled and tried to work with her and we made a new agreement.....2-3 weekends per month, summer holidays.....
You already had 50/50, Bro. The average dad would die to get that. Why on earth did you agree (downgrade) to EOW??

1) In specific terms, what is your current, court-ordered, parenting plan??

2) It's obvious what she's doing with her relocation and her new job. She's gonna fight you tooth and nail to deny you every minute of your parenting time.

You need to follow her. Move as close as you can to her - in the same school district as your kids.

Plan-B: File a motion to have your kids returned to their old school district and you become primary parent. But that'll be much more costly (not to mention time consuming) than you moving closer to your ex.

Q: How old are your kids?? In your decree, do you have geographic restriction?? How 'bout ROFR??

Tom
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Re: Custody in VA

Unread postby ratty2009 » Tue Nov 21, 2017 2:48 pm

BartSimpson wrote:You consented to her moving away.

When are you moving to be near your children?



Is that what will have to happen? I am waiting for my court trail to see what happens

We do have a clause that if I move within 50 miles it reverts back to 50/50 shared physical custody and our original parenting plan goes into effect. I did consent but she is not following the rules of what we consented to, as well as not facilitating a relationship with me and my daughters. Is it not her job to facilitate a relationship with the other parent, and allow me to see them and talk to them?
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Re: Custody in VA

Unread postby Need88gigawatts » Tue Nov 21, 2017 2:49 pm

She was coached and executed her plan flawlessly. Her enrolling them in school really hurts.

Her venue assigns a GAL immediately, mine will not allow it as we both have representation.

A GAL will not give you anything close to 50/50 four hours away and you don't want her jurisdiction to have control.

The money management and recordings will mean nothing. When are you moving to be near your children?
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Re: Custody in VA

Unread postby ratty2009 » Tue Nov 21, 2017 2:51 pm

Tom.


We don't have one-I petitioned for custody to get one, we only have the agreement we made, it says in our current it will be as close to 50/50 as possible


This is whatI have done (Plan B), I am prepared to pay, and my lawyer is GOOD


5 and 8
Last edited by ratty2009 on Tue Nov 21, 2017 3:08 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Custody in VA

Unread postby BartSimpson » Tue Nov 21, 2017 2:52 pm

Yep.

Move next door to their school, be the one who is right there.

Look, it’s a common mistake and if it didn’t happen, this forum wouldn’t exist. We need to unpack a whole bunch of stuff with you, but rest assured that we all know what you did seemed like the right thing to do. Your thoughts, your mind, was racing too fast for decisions to be easy - being here will put the brakes on your thoughts and help you get the understanding you need.

Welcome. Let’s start with your kids - how old and how many?
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Re: Custody in VA

Unread postby ratty2009 » Tue Nov 21, 2017 2:55 pm

Our girls are 5 and 8
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Re: Custody in VA

Unread postby BartSimpson » Tue Nov 21, 2017 2:55 pm

I now see you answered within the quote. As a courtesy to the reader, please don’t do that.

You don’t even need to quote the prior post, most of us follow along fine without it and those that don’t, wouldn’t anyway.
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