Custody in VA

Your divorce and child custody agreements are final, get practical tips for moving on with your life after divorce.

Re: Custody in VA

Unread postby ratty2009 » Tue Nov 21, 2017 5:40 pm

Also,

They moved in September officially from our 50/50 split, I petitioned for custody in August, we had a hearing in october, trial set for March.

I filed to prevent it, does it fall under states qou after 6 months, or should I file (is there a way) to have them returned until court decides the outcome?
ratty2009
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 23
Joined: Tue Nov 21, 2017 2:02 pm

Re: Custody in VA

Unread postby BartSimpson » Tue Nov 21, 2017 5:46 pm

Even an infant understands here and there, right? Before the infant learns the words “here” and “there”, they understand the concept, don’t they?
Volenti non fit injuria
User avatar
BartSimpson
20K Club
 
Posts: 27109
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 8:50 pm

Re: Custody in VA

Unread postby Campfire » Tue Nov 21, 2017 6:58 pm

Ratty,

You have nothing signed by a judge. That means everything is up for negotiation. Everything.

Since you're both teachers, what are your approximate respective incomes?
The List: http://www.dadsdivorce.com/father_divor ... hp?t=13374


The question is how much conflict you can control, negate, or avoid.
Campfire
2.5K+ Posts
 
Posts: 3084
Joined: Sun Jul 20, 2014 11:12 pm
Location: Northern Illinois

Re: Custody in VA

Unread postby steelmark » Wed Nov 22, 2017 11:34 am

Your agreements aren't what you think they are, the new status quo which you didn't prevent means a whole lot more than your notarized paper.

For those reading over our shoulders here, OP should have had a restraining order through the court to prevent this move while the case was active. "Filed for" custody is asking, "having" a restraining order is telling.

I personally won my own case right then and there, and unfortunately for OP, not protecting the kids from this move with the court (meaning signed by a judge or magistrate) has likely cost him dearly.

Your agreements were likely made in good faith (or your ex played this masterfully), but things have changed. The kids live 4 hours away and your lack of action created a new status quo.

This is a classic case of "she wouldn't do this or that" and unfortunately she did.

Sorry you are in this mess.
Prepare and execute to win by a thousand miles, just to be in position to win by an inch.
User avatar
steelmark
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1788
Joined: Wed Sep 11, 2013 10:01 am

Re: Custody in VA

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Wed Nov 22, 2017 12:39 pm

ratty2009 wrote:.....we only have the agreement we made.....
You've been duped, Bro. You and I both know that "agreement" is worthless.

Bottom line: She's 10 steps ahead of you. And while you're playing catch-up, she's planning her next 10 moves against you. IMHO - Someone is coaching her.

If she's living with her parents, then there's a mother-duo at play here. Has her mother been divorced?? For that matter, how 'bout her co-workers?? Have any of her co-workers been divorced?? I'll bet there's a hen party at her workplace.

ratty2009 wrote:.....and my lawyer is GOOD.....
That remains to be seen, Bro. What matters is this: Are you managing your case personally and proactively?? Because from the gist of your thread, you're leaving everything to your attorney - aka, putting your eggs in one basket. Suppose you and your attorney have a falling out?? Then what??

Here's the deal: In this game, you must prepare as though you were appearing pro se. Because in doing that, you'll be in a much better position to manage your attorney. And regardless of what you might think, attorney management is most critical. Never lose sight of the fact that you get exactly one chance to get this right. In this game, once done, it's done. There no second chances. There are no do-over's.

You've got no game plan. Start by reading The List, then build a list of your own. You should be keeping a well-written journal and parenting tracker. You should also have a dedicated, digital recorder up and running any time you're around her. It'll be your only defense against phony DV charges. Fair warning, Bro. This is no joke.

http://forum.dadsdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=13374

ratty2009 wrote:.....the school year time with her counts for nothing and we split all "off" time evenly.....
Did your STBX tell you this?? You have no idea what you just agreed to. The rule here is this: "Never take legal advice from the other side, especially your STBX."

ratty2009 wrote:.....she signed away alimony and spousal support.....
She signed away nothing. What you have is an agreement, not a court order. Your agreement is worthless. It's not enforceable.

Tom
Last edited by Tom Kirkpatrick on Thu Nov 23, 2017 11:37 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Like football, family court is a game of inches. A John Madden strategy
Tom Kirkpatrick
5K+ Posts
 
Posts: 7757
Joined: Thu Mar 03, 2005 11:31 pm
Location: Pacific NW

Re: Custody in VA

Unread postby massdad1234 » Wed Nov 22, 2017 1:59 pm

By the time you see a court it will have been longer than 6 months. Inaction was the downfall. Not seeing anyone are we?
massdad1234
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1784
Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2016 8:34 pm

Re: Custody in VA

Unread postby ratty2009 » Sun Nov 26, 2017 7:21 am

Ok so 6 months have not hit. I just found out she breached the agreement even further this past weekend with her boyfriend staying the night in a hotel room and at my EXs home.

She is now telling me I'm not getting Christmas even though our " agreement" states it

what should my next steps be? I did file for custody first, I am keeping a crazy amount of documentation, including recordings of her being a jerk and lying.

I go before a judge this Thursday to argue to keep venue in my county.

Should I keep the daughters here after the venue case? How do I change the status qou before 6 months happens?

I am half tempted to not return them to her and enroll them in school on Monday back here.
ratty2009
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 23
Joined: Tue Nov 21, 2017 2:02 pm

Re: Custody in VA

Unread postby massdad1234 » Sun Nov 26, 2017 8:27 am

You don't understand, the battle has been won, you lost. Better to move the 4 hours and prevent another move away. Oh, and yeah I'm sure he "stayed at a hotel". Are you seeing anyone?

This is why thinking you can hide behind a lawyer or really stern paperwork always looses to action and pushing the envelope.
massdad1234
1K+ Posts
 
Posts: 1784
Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2016 8:34 pm

Re: Custody in VA

Unread postby ratty2009 » Sun Nov 26, 2017 9:43 am

Sorry he stayed in a hotel and at the house with my ex and girls even though the agreement states he can't.

How has she won if we have no court order? What is stopping me from taking them back up?
ratty2009
10+ Posts
 
Posts: 23
Joined: Tue Nov 21, 2017 2:02 pm

Re: Custody in VA

Unread postby BartSimpson » Sun Nov 26, 2017 10:20 am

What stops you is your fear.

Your agreements are meaningless, you cannot make contractual arrangements for your children outside of the family courts. As you are finding out, you have no mechanism to enforce the agreements.

She won because she moved and established status quo, bluffing you with these silly meaningless agreements.
Volenti non fit injuria
User avatar
BartSimpson
20K Club
 
Posts: 27109
Joined: Thu Jan 24, 2008 8:50 pm

PreviousNext

Return to After The Divorce is Final – Moving On

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Euronymous and 2 guests