Logistics of splitting up household possessions

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Logistics of splitting up household possessions

Unread postby HaltAndCatchFire » Wed Nov 08, 2017 9:24 am

Is there a recommended logistical process for splitting up household possessions? I’m looking for suggestions about how to keep it non-confrontational without being a pushover. My STBXW is completely disorganized, so it’s up to me to make this happen by the date we agreed to in our settlement agreement.

I have a household inventory by room in a Word doc. Since she’s the one moving out, I thought about having her explicitly list which possessions she’s taking with her. Anything not listed remains with me. Once the list is finalized, I’ll send it to her via OFW for confirmation. That demonstrates we completed it by the date required in our agreement, and she can’t change her mind closer to the move out date. When it comes to moving day, I’ll be there to ensure only those things listed in the doc leave with her.

In terms of splitting stuff belonging to the kids, any recommendations? I was thinking the only thing we'd split up would be clothes and toys, with furniture staying where it is.
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Re: Logistics of splitting up household possessions

Unread postby Campfire » Wed Nov 08, 2017 10:48 am

When you say "moving day", are you talking about the day she comes to pick up her share of the possessions that you gently placed in the driveway?

Since you are using OFW, it's obvious you have a high conflict divorce. It's a free country. She can change her mind whenever she wants to. Are you going to have an LEO do a civil standby during moving day?

Arguing over clothing is pointless. The kiddos grow out of them too quickly. You need more clothing anyways since each household requires the same amount. I purchased a huge plastic storage container of clothing for D this summer. 200 pieces of lightly used clothing for $40 via an online rummage sale page. You should have seen D's eyes as we went through the "treasure". Lots of fun.

Pretty sure mom will need some furniture in her new place. Why not let her take the old < edited > stained mattress and you get a new one? She probably picked out the furniture. What kind of furniture fits your tastes?
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Re: Logistics of splitting up household possessions

Unread postby a dad » Wed Nov 08, 2017 12:06 pm

It's been advised to hire movers and not be present during the move. Others have put the stbx's stuff in the driveway or a storage locker. For me, I took most of the small stuff off-site that I didn't want her to take. It was a few boxes. I let my stbx have at the rest without me being present.

I didn't try to replace everything she took and have more space because of that. We have no dressers anymore, and don't miss them. I did, however, have to replace a couple beds but I replaced them with a bunk which also saved space. The roll-packed mattresses and bunk beds at ikea make it simple to do yourself, or like me, with my kids. Like campfire said, you can turn around your perceived negative and make it fun.
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Re: Logistics of splitting up household possessions

Unread postby HaltAndCatchFire » Wed Nov 08, 2017 2:47 pm

Two separate things to address:

1. By Jan 1, we have to agree who is taking which household possession. If we do not, then we pay $350/hour for binding arbitration by Feb 28 with the same person who mediated our agreement. Yes, I know how this forum feels about binding arbitration. I agreed to it in order to light a fire under her feet, and because the scope was limited to a bunch of crap I have no emotional/personal ties toward. For her, spending money on arbitration is akin to risk avoidance defined by Prospect Theory.

2. She moves out no later than March 1, which is stipulated in our settlement agreement. Given her pattern of behavior over two decades, she won't be ready to move out March 1. I will be silently prepared with movers and a storage locker big enough to store her crap, along with a locksmith to change the locks.

Good point about the kid's clothes. Their bed/desk are from IKEA, so it's simply pragmatic to not move them since they wouldn't hold up well. Not going to argue with her about it though if she wants to take them.

I hadn't considered the LEO civil standby. I'll think about that.

Re: OFW. I was happy to adopt OFW because it's part of my strategy to set her up for failure. In our settlement agreement, we agreed to submit reimbursements within 60 days of incurring the cost. If not done in that time, then the reimbursement obligations are forfeit. Those reimbursements have to be done through OFW, which will make it simple to keep track of when reimbursements were received and paid. This forum is big on paying child support through CSEA because it's trivial to demonstrate compliance of payment. Think of my use of OFW in a similar fashion for reimbursements, with the added benefit of penalizing a disorganized parent.
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Re: Logistics of splitting up household possessions

Unread postby Campfire » Wed Nov 08, 2017 3:50 pm

Just to be clear, unless your jurisdiction is extraordinary, the LEO isn't going to be there for hours. He's going to be there long enough to ensure a civil transaction. We are talking 20 minutes maybe. If her stuff is in the driveway, easy peasy. An LEO is not going to sit around for hours. That's a waste of taxpayer money.
Last edited by Campfire on Wed Nov 08, 2017 3:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Logistics of splitting up household possessions

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Wed Nov 08, 2017 3:58 pm

Police being mindful of their fiduciary duty to taxpayers?

That's funny.
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Re: Logistics of splitting up household possessions

Unread postby Campfire » Wed Nov 08, 2017 4:00 pm

Fatheroffour wrote:Police being mindful of their fiduciary duty to taxpayers?

That's funny.



How are they going violate civil rights if they're busy babysitting :mrgreen:
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Re: Logistics of splitting up household possessions

Unread postby massdaddio » Wed Nov 08, 2017 4:37 pm

You can hire an off-duty police officer to ensure the move out goes without incident.
I created an Excel file listing all of the martial property room-by-room and assigned an approximate purchase value to each item. We went back and forth selecting items we wanted. For example, I chose the dining room furniture which was worth $5k, she chose the living room furniture worth $4k plus the exercise equipment worth $1k. As I was moving out, she kept all the kids furniture worth $3k, so I took other stuff worth that amount and bought new furniture for the kids at my place.

FYI - I grouped small things together, all the pots & pans, all of the dinnerware & glasses, all of the lawn tools, etc.
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Re: Logistics of splitting up household possessions

Unread postby Havalu7 » Wed Nov 08, 2017 8:47 pm

OP be sure to have the DAR running if you are there without the LEO.

The benefit of the driveway method is it will be easily done within a reasonable amount of time WHILE the LEO is there.

You could also consider the storage option and pay for one month and once he move out is due tell her that you have moved the stuff to a storage and it’s paid until XXX. I have seen this option mentioned before and have a friend who is considering it too.

For sure the three column worksheet would work as was mentioned on another thread just the other day (I want, she wants, both want and need to spit it up).

Another good practice that I used was to photograph every room and large items.

I would encourage you that when I think of the things she took that were not part of the signed legal agreement (nice TV and a kitchen cupboard type thing and a few personal items like a guitar and a set of four year old bad < hindquarters > golf clubs) I replaced them and it really doesn’t even bother me anymore as my peace is mine to keep or give away.

Not sure if it was Camp or Chaos that regularly teach that giving way a little and keeping the peace is way more productive than fighting over a two year old tv that can be replaced (and upgraded) at Best Buy for a few Benjamin’s. Just saying what is YOUR peace worth?
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Re: Logistics of splitting up household possessions

Unread postby massdad1234 » Wed Nov 08, 2017 10:12 pm

think about it this way, how much would it cost to have it boxed up? You could give her a time to pick it up, nicely arranged in boxes for her at the edge of the property.

I think that sets a nice precedent. Respectful and courteous, not much else you can beside that.
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