for those who went through a bitter custody hearing

Your divorce and child custody agreements are final, get practical tips for moving on with your life after divorce.

Re: for those who went through a bitter custody hearing

Unread postby clevelandbrownz » Mon Nov 06, 2017 10:52 am

1-2 non-overnight days a week with child in addition to what I have now. I never miss an opportunity to see him at any event where he is outside his mother's house. I never declined an invitation to be his chauffeur to and from an event when he is not with me for the overnight.

I think the move closer to mom (makes it much more practical for me to take child to school) and fact that child was in day care at time of initial custody order (i.e. has to pay for child care expenses if he is present at day care center or not) and fact that child will benefit from having me help him during the school week overnights with school work, as I can calmly explain things to him and provide a different school homework perspective from his mother, and fact that child will not spend more time going to/from school by having me transport him as opposed to the bus, and fact that child has deeply rooted friends in my neighborhood are valid arguments for me to make. I know some are stronger than others.

Yes, this was all considered extensively before I filed. I did not take the legal hurdles lightly since I know the default is to keep what exists.
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Re: for those who went through a bitter custody hearing

Unread postby grandet2 » Mon Nov 06, 2017 10:56 am

Bro, you are still emotional and rightfully so, but see this through the eyes of the judge, and keep it simple.

1. Child is older and needs have changed.
2. Child needed more time with me so I moved closer (make this the key)
3. It will be good for child more time with father (let them prove otherwise)
4. Mother has requested me to be mother involved with child and bear responsibilities equally.

Keep the drama out, make it all about the child. Put her in a bind by hinting she should be supporting what is best for child.

Now for the dirt, the court will sly out of by saying, why change something which is working now. Make sure you have objections to that, get attendance record, grades, report for school teacher, counselor etc. Which will throw doubt into her position.

What has she done to mend her relationship with you?
Last edited by grandet2 on Mon Nov 06, 2017 12:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
“A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband, while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.”
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Re: for those who went through a bitter custody hearing

Unread postby massdad1234 » Mon Nov 06, 2017 11:05 am

Even better, if you can show your involvement increased his performance at school - IE ounce our little angel started K, I started doing x,y,z etc.

Stick to the points outlined above - your commitment to the child, how the needs of the child has changed and that the parenting plan should change with it. Make your ex prove things have stayed exactly the same and there is a specific reason why you shouldn't have more time with child. Not only that, by painting the mother in a good light, making this about how she is clearly seeing the kids bests interests and that you are appreciative of her willingness to co-parent, should only help your cause.

its been 7 years, how has the relationship changed with the ex?
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Re: for those who went through a bitter custody hearing

Unread postby clevelandbrownz » Mon Nov 06, 2017 1:44 pm

I am totally fine with communication with schools. I am in constant contact with the teachers---really since K, so there is no possible legitimate argument that contact since the commencement of litigation was only intended to paint myself in a good light.

The relationship with the ex is really the same. I feel better with myself for actually doing something about changing a custody agreement I didn't like. (I could write 10 paragraphs on this, but I am not). The summary is that we can get along and are able to co-parent....provided I agree with what she wants. If there is a disagreement, my rationale is not listened to, she launches into a personal attack, and I have no idea why she is taking her original position, making it very difficult to successfully resolve a discrepancy between us two.

She has generally requested me to make arrangements for: health check ups; registration for sports; taking him to sports/other events; setting up parent-teacher conferences; dealing with things she didn't want to regarding our child. I always accommodated.

I am very much so emotionally wrapped up in this case...and for good reason! My goal here is to help me sort things out and ultimately to do anything I can to make it easy for my attorney to help me out. I read a post about putting the case on a silver platter for counsel. That is my goal.
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Re: for those who went through a bitter custody hearing

Unread postby massdad1234 » Mon Nov 06, 2017 10:45 pm

basically what you just said is what you should talk about. How you do all those things, not what she doesn't do. See the difference?

I should be granted more time because i already do all these things with what little time i have now, the child's life surely will be better when i can spend more time doing other things that are lifelong tradition building and part of that is more opportunities for those types of things.
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Re: for those who went through a bitter custody hearing

Unread postby TJinCA » Wed Nov 08, 2017 7:31 pm

If you're asking for 50/50 equal parenting time and responsibilities, your story line needs to be that both of you are equally good parents. So focus on how you're a good and responsible parent and your kid should have the same opportunity for a relationship with you that he has with his mom. I think the story that his needs have changed since the current order is a good one.

Leave all the negative crap about mom out of it, it doesn't support your story line. The "mom is a terrible, insane person and a bad parent" story line has to end with "and that's why I should have primary/sole custody."
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