Coming to terms with alimony / manimony

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Coming to terms with alimony / manimony

Unread postby 4figurealimony » Sat Oct 14, 2017 6:42 pm

I'm frustrated that my monthly alimony obligation is in the 4 figures - and that I can't seem to get over it. I feel screwed (I was screwed, financially) and would like to get over it mentally. I live in a "40% of your gross" state and the actual $ amount is affordable only if I don't spend anything on extras. Ex is going on vacation next week with our kids and new flame & kid (new flame doesn't work and lives in the house - the house that Ex got.)

Any good ways to compartmentalize this ridiculous and ongoing financial loss?
Last edited by 4figurealimony on Sat Oct 14, 2017 8:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Coming to terms with alimony

Unread postby Havalu7 » Sat Oct 14, 2017 7:03 pm

Welcome OP!

What state and how old are the kids? How many?

What are your parenting goals?

The new guy is known here as "Capin Save A Hoe" or "Mr. Wonderful" depending on when he cam into the picture. When did he not that it matters?
"No." is a complete sentence.
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Re: Coming to terms with alimony

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Sat Oct 14, 2017 7:15 pm

Captain and Mr Wonderful are two different types of guys. Neither last more than 3 years on average.

How did she get the house? How did she end up with 4 figure alimony? What is your parenting plan?
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Re: Coming to terms with alimony

Unread postby 4figurealimony » Sat Oct 14, 2017 7:36 pm

50/50 joint custody / parenting time in CO. I also pay significant child support for 2 kids ages 10 & 13 (even in a 50-50 arrangement), and am learning that this does not mean that Ex will pay for shoes or clothes.

CO wants 40% of your gross income to go to the "less" employed spouse - even in they have a master's degree, even if you divorced them because they refused to work / stop spending over your income. It cost me $2000 for a vocational eval to "prove" that Ex was employable (even tho Ex was only unemployed for 4 out of 17 years).

CO also has lifetime alimony, if you are unlucky enough to be married >20 years.

Both parties are good parents, putting kids first. At my house (well, apartment, 2nd apt in less than 1 year) there's no downtalk about the other parent, and I assume the same over there. I assume the new flame and kid to be a net positive for my kids - and I present it to my kids that way - because there's no other good way to read it.

Ex got house for 2 reasons:

1. Ex simply wouldn't move out. Even though I have made every mortgage payment since purchase (2 years before filing), Ex feels very.... entitled. Ex comes from money - I do not.

2. Forced to negotiate lower alimony from a starting point of $2400/mo - which would not have been affordable - I moved out and lost all furniture, personal records, even my clothes. I choose not to "burn stuff in the street" because I think my kids benefit from the house feeling "the same." And I guess I like being the better person.

That said, I'm not big enough to pay the alimony without ongoing frustration.
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Re: Coming to terms with alimony / manimony

Unread postby 4figurealimony » Sat Oct 14, 2017 8:41 pm

Let me share something that may make some forum readers smile...

It would be most accurate to call Ex's new flame "Ms Right Now."

And I guess you could call my spousal support obligation "manimony."

You read that right. Go ahead with smiles and laughter. I don't judge you for it.

However, don't ban me because of my gender (unless you must).

Is wanting to "accept" it an unreasonable goal? Has anyone else gotten there - paying the alimony, but not devoting mental energy to the frustration of "giving away" my hard-earned (after-tax) $$..?
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Re: Coming to terms with alimony / manimony

Unread postby Havalu7 » Sat Oct 14, 2017 11:23 pm

Well the good news is we have a fine gift shop to visit on the way out.

Ok I will throw you a bone (no pun intended); you should have not moved out.

Okay see ya as this forum is a Men's Forum as you saw coming in to the room.

Paper or plastic for that gift shop purchase?
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Do not move out of your house.
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Re: Coming to terms with alimony / manimony

Unread postby Campfire » Sun Oct 15, 2017 6:46 am

Buyers' remorse is a horrible thing. Instead of hanging out on divorce forums, you should try discussing this with a mental health professional. They can give you tools. Good luck.
The List: http://www.dadsdivorce.com/father_divor ... hp?t=13374


The question is how much conflict you can control, negate, or avoid.
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Re: Coming to terms with alimony / manimony

Unread postby BartSimpson » Sun Oct 15, 2017 11:01 am

Ma’am, this is a men’s forum. While you may *define* that to mean an obligation to pay alimony, alimony is not what makes us men. This is a peer-to-peer forum, and gender defines our peers.

To be clear, there is nothing in this Forum’s Terms of Use that precludes women from posting, but the Terms of Use are there to protect the Forum’s owner, and not to protect you from the other users. The other users, as volunteers, may elect to not participate in certain matters with no violation to the Terms of Use. We choose to not entertain questions from women and third-parties as it is not the best use of our volunteer time and resources.

You may find comfort in the forums of http://www.thelizlibrary.org - there are millions of women like you paying alimony in this new millennial age - which will finally result in the reform we men have sought for decades.

As suggested, be sure to visit our gift shop on your way out.
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Re: Coming to terms with alimony / manimony

Unread postby ScaredNConfused » Fri Nov 17, 2017 4:40 pm

CO definitely has some bad points in the alimony laws, what hurt me badly is the tender years aspect. If the youngest child is under 30 months, the court won't impute an income by statue. This means that my ex who went from roughly $25 x 40 hours to 18 x 16 hours gets away with it. The real kicker is the status quo, when my D1 turns 30 months the court most likely will not impute an income because this is how it has been for 2 years.

I do feel bad for the lifetime alimony, two co-workers of mine got hit with it. I'm counting the months until mine is done and I can pay off debt and buy another house.
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Re: Coming to terms with alimony / manimony

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Sat Nov 18, 2017 2:21 pm

4figurealimony wrote:And I guess I like being the better person.
Sounds like divorce was filed after Jan 1, 2014 - when Colorado's new alimony law took effect.

See discussion: viewtopic.php?f=8&t=54223

4figurealimony wrote:CO also has lifetime alimony, if you are unlucky enough to be married >20 years.
Life sentence with no possibility for parole. That's a bitter pill to swallow.

Welcome to Alimonyrado.

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