Communication

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Communication

Unread postby Optimist630 » Wed Apr 19, 2017 3:00 pm

Something I have been struggling with lately is how my ex is handling communication with our daughter. I am totally fine with my daughter wanting to call her mother on days she is with me. My biggest issue is that at the end of each call her mother says something like "you can call me in the morning if you want" Or "You can call me later after school". To our five-year-old this is now an appointment and I feel like my day is being hijacked by her mother. I don't know if there is a generally accepted number of calls that people find to work, but I think one is a pretty safe number. Today, for example my daughter woke up with two scheduled times already to call her mother based on their conversations. I am considering a couple different game plans. The first is to just ride it out and whenever she wants to call just have her call and get it over with. The other being if this continues from her mothers side, crafting some form of correspondence to her stating that I don't think it's right that she mentions the next time her daughter can call her.

Again, I am fine with her wanting to speak with her mother I just don't like the way it is being handled. I respect her time. My daughter doesn't feel the same need to call me probably because I'm the consistent, stable one.

Trying to balance what is best for my daughter with drawing a line to make my ex respect my time.
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Re: Communication

Unread postby Outis » Wed Apr 19, 2017 3:11 pm

Gee, phone battery is dead. Let's watch a movie / get some ice cream / go swimming while it charges.
What am I to do with all this silence
Shy away, shy away phantom
Run away terrified child
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Re: Communication

Unread postby massdad1234 » Wed Apr 19, 2017 4:50 pm

inmates don't run the asylum
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Re: Communication

Unread postby Trevor » Wed Apr 19, 2017 4:52 pm

She's 5. You control the phone and not her. Don't let that camel's nose get into the tent.
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
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Re: Communication

Unread postby Optimist630 » Wed Apr 19, 2017 9:05 pm

i do my best to distract. I am a bit up against it as she is away from a whole house full of people when here. More to miss I guess. Once mom plants the seed for the next contacf time the kid doesn't forget. Mom is suffering from buyer's remorse currently. Also she keeps her kids emotionslly dependent on her. It validates her. I give her time the respect it deserves. I can't stand her but similar to a president you don't like I "respect the office". She allows Facetime (hate it because its like shes in my house) to drag on too long too. My bad - I bedded down with a grown up child.

Anyone havd a specific "one call" rule or anything?

Just hate seeing my girl who already had anxiety issues go through this. Being the best superdad I can. Hard when only one home has her best interest first on the priority list.
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Re: Communication

Unread postby Trevor » Wed Apr 19, 2017 10:17 pm

Limit to once per day (I am assuming nothing specific in orders, right?) and ignore the noise. Let her raise the issue for court, if she feels that strongly about it. Your parenting time is precious so don't allow trespass. I doubt you'll find much science behind such a quantification of contact with the non-possessing parent, but you might research typical language based on your state statutes.
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Re: Communication

Unread postby a dad » Thu Apr 20, 2017 1:35 am

One 7pm phone call. After dinner and before bed. No tv. No distractions.

At 6:50-6:55pm, text mom that your daughter is going to call at 7. Then call at 7.

At 7:30, it's time to get off the phone. "time to cleanup/get ready for bed/etc."

To minimize video chat, combine "cell phone battery needs charging" with the a traditional wired phone. $40 VoIP devices can port google voice numbers to a landline with zero monthly charges.

You don't need to come-off as a hard nose with any of this. Just do it, and if you need to, tell either/both of them that you have some busy days ahead so you're prescheduling the calls for 7pm.

With that said, I only call my kids when they're with their mom on special occasions. And not even then sometimes. They got me in real life every week. They don't need me on the phone. So don't you call daily either.
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Re: Communication

Unread postby ForumVenter 1 » Thu Apr 20, 2017 8:55 am

How often is D with Ex?

Per the above, 7pm is good. Say hi, small talk and goodnight.

My Ex does the same thing. Though she doesn't give an option, she outright says "Call me in the morning before school." Tough request for a 6yr old as it's pretty hectic in the mornings before school. Wake up, eat breakfast, get dressed, brush teeth, do hair and watch a few minutes of cartoons with me prior to the bus coming. Really no time to work in a phone call. Nor does D even think of calling her mom because she's distracted with other things. So distraction is the key.

I assume your D is in Kindergarten. Or regardless, your mornings are just as busy I'm sure. If your D is distracted with other things or being entertained, calling someone on the phone is not going to be of her interest.
OH - Residential parent of D after a long distance move by Ex. If your child(ren) aren't a priority, you will have no chance at gaining custody.
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