NJ Is No Longer Represented

Your divorce and child custody agreements are final, get practical tips for moving on with your life after divorce.

Re: NJ Is No Longer Represented

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Wed Apr 05, 2017 6:14 am

You really call the police when she don't show to pick up the kids?

I would just go home with the kids.
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Re: NJ Is No Longer Represented

Unread postby hoot74 » Wed Apr 05, 2017 6:21 am

You have much more control over your life than the quotes below imply. You could reduce much of the drama you describe. Of course, if it is harmless entertainment for you, then enjoy.

iamthedad wrote:And the drama just keeps on coming.

No questions - just some entertainment...

wow but the cra cra is coming out!

Had to call the popo

I have to do this

Her retaliation

My life sucks sometimes.

Anybody wanna see any of the emails? Oh my it's crazy time!
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Re: NJ Is No Longer Represented

Unread postby iamthedad » Wed Apr 05, 2017 3:10 pm

hoot74 wrote:You have much more control over your life than the quotes below imply. You could reduce much of the drama you describe. Of course, if it is harmless entertainment for you, then enjoy.

iamthedad wrote:And the drama just keeps on coming.

No questions - just some entertainment...

wow but the cra cra is coming out!

Had to call the popo

I have to do this

Her retaliation

My life sucks sometimes.

Anybody wanna see any of the emails? Oh my it's crazy time!


My 'frame of mind' is to try to protect myself - what I know is my ex is working a plan that will eventually have me back in court fighting for custody. I don't want drama, and don't want to deal with her for a single second more than I have to. I still record all exchanges but I make sure she see's the recorder in my shirt pocket. I don't want to catch her, I want to prevent her, and it works.

I guess it's just that I've told folks in our families who are aware of the details (those she's BCCing that I'm aware of) not to respond. My suggestion to them has been to sit back and watch the show as the ex no longer has a lawyer to filter her personality, and like clockwork it's pouring in like it did before she lawyered up.

I'm not sure how much control I have, but I'm willing to listen.
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Re: NJ Is No Longer Represented

Unread postby a dad » Wed Apr 05, 2017 4:49 pm

Do your kids hear you call the cops on their mom?

Have you ever implemented this backup plan you're talking about?
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Re: NJ Is No Longer Represented

Unread postby iamthedad » Wed Apr 05, 2017 5:17 pm

a dad wrote:If you're calling the cops when she's 30min late and you have the kids, you're adding to the drama you complain about.

Do your kids hear you call the cops on their mom?

Have you ever implemented this backup plan you're talking about?


I know it read like 30 minutes, but I wait an hour. I did call at 45 minutes once, but that was after she failed to show up at what was my second attempt (on the second day) to make the exchange.

It happens frequently enough that the kids aren't moved by it. They know how it plays out. There's no drama outside getting the police to recognize that yes, I'm in the right place and the right time and no, ex is not. It isn't routine, but not far from it.

My backup plan is to have arranged on exchange days, with my job, that I 'might' be late or have to WFH, which I've had to do a few times.

I don't want the drama. I was not aware I could just drive away and leave it to ex to make contact, but it seems that's the prevailing wisdom here and I plan to follow it going forward.
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Re: NJ Is No Longer Represented

Unread postby a dad » Wed Apr 05, 2017 5:21 pm

You seem to be saying that kids knowing their parents are calling the cops on each other for being late should be normalized.

Did you witness your parents calling the cops on each other numerous times for being late?

You talk a lot about not wanting drama when it's clear you are an active part in escalating the drama.
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Re: NJ Is No Longer Represented

Unread postby Trevor » Wed Apr 05, 2017 5:36 pm

iamthedad wrote:There's no drama outside getting the police to recognize that yes, I'm in the right place and the right time and no, ex is not.

Do you understand how this is like using chemotherapy to treat dandruff, when shampoo works?

You abuse the purpose of the police in a grossly selfish and irresponsible way, when a simple, paper receipt from the McD would be sufficient documentary evidence of your presence, and you leaving with the kids is proof positive that she failed to appear.

On behalf of the rhetorical life that was not saved because the police instead were listening to you, thanks a fecking lot.
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Re: NJ Is No Longer Represented

Unread postby iamthedad » Wed Apr 05, 2017 5:37 pm

a dad wrote:You seem to be saying that kids knowing their parents are calling the cops on each other for being late should be normalized.

Did you witness your parents calling the cops on each other numerous times for being late?

You talk a lot about not wanting drama when it's clear you are an active part in escalating the drama.


If I'm escalating it isn't because I want to it's because I don't know how not to - meaning I don't know what my options are...the safe ones.

I don't want the process to involve the police. I hope that's clear. If my best course of action is to get a receipt when I get there and another an hour later as I'm leaving then that's what I will do. In my defense I've read in plenty of places and received advise from others who've been through it and the response to the question 'what do I do when she doesn't show' is make an effort to contact, wait, then call the police so it's documented.

The kids have been dealing with a lot - I can go on and on about our life before the separation and how I had nearly zero access while living in the same home with them, the mistakes I made by even allowing it to happen at all while telling myself I was trying to keep the peace. I was, but that doesn't matter, even a little, and I understand that now - can't say I always did.
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Re: NJ Is No Longer Represented

Unread postby iamthedad » Wed Apr 05, 2017 5:41 pm

Trevor wrote:
iamthedad wrote:There's no drama outside getting the police to recognize that yes, I'm in the right place and the right time and no, ex is not.

Do you understand how this is like using chemotherapy to treat dandruff, when shampoo works?

You abuse the purpose of the police in a grossly selfish and irresponsible way, when a simple, paper receipt from the McD would be sufficient documentary evidence of your presence, and you leaving with the kids is proof positive that she failed to appear.

On behalf of the rhetorical life that was not saved because the police instead were listening to you, thanks a fecking lot.


I'm not a lawyer. I do not know what I do not know. As I stated above, calling the police has been the consistent advice of people who range from friends who have been through it, all way up to someone I've known my whole life who is a Childs Rights Advocate in the state of Oregon, to the police themselves who (a) make sure I know they can't do anything and (b) tell me documentation is wise - there are a few officers who I've seen more than once who have dealt with the ex and understand.

Again, if getting the arrival and departure receipts is enough I'm all about that.
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Re: NJ Is No Longer Represented

Unread postby massdad1234 » Wed Apr 05, 2017 8:47 pm

you are part of the drama, the problem is your ex loves the drama too, so you two feed off each other. Grow up and put your children first. If she is late, document, be organized/prepared and then go home.

Instead you call the cops on her for being late. You realize we have to deal with that from the other side, you realize you're acting like our STBX's right?
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