Ex just threatened court over phone calls

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Ex just threatened court over phone calls

Unread postby bigDoodle66 » Thu Mar 30, 2017 11:24 am

NY
Divorced 2014
D5
2-2-3 schedule

A few weeks ago, D5 started to get scared to go to Kindergarten. She is in half day Kindergarten and goes to after school care close by.

The event that started this was the after school care was closed as an emergency and D5 was picked up from school. Since then, she has had some anxiety over who is picking her up and if they are going to forget. Note, nobody has ever forgotten to get her. She had a rough week a few weeks ago, but is doing better now.

However, since this happened, she consistently wants to call either myself or her mother in the morning before getting on the bus. These calls are just a few minutes seeking assurance we will be picking her up.

Given the nature of these calls, I have twice said no, since it does more harm than good (makes her more nervous).

Mother is now threatening court assistance since she says I am not following court order. Order says that each party shall be able to communicate with the child at all reasonable times/places.

Does she have anything or do I go back to radio silence again.
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Re: Ex just threatened court over phone calls

Unread postby ForumVenter 1 » Thu Mar 30, 2017 11:52 am

bigDoodle66 wrote:Given the nature of these calls, I have twice said no, since it does more harm than good (makes her more nervous).


Making sure I understand...your D wants to call you or mom prior to getting on the bus? If that's the case, why would you say no? Give D the reassurance. What's a few minutes, if it means your D will have a better day because of it? She'll grow out of it soon.

Or is it your Ex that is pushing for these phone calls? I would be radio silent in that case. Just assure your Ex that you will always get D on the bus accordingly.
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Re: Ex just threatened court over phone calls

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Thu Mar 30, 2017 12:00 pm

What will you tell the judge when he ask why a morning phone call is not being allowed?

Let's see if it sounds reasonable.
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Re: Ex just threatened court over phone calls

Unread postby ForumVenter 1 » Thu Mar 30, 2017 12:16 pm

If you're asking me, I would say that getting D up and ready for school, feeding her breakfast and putting her on the bus is hectic enough without trying to work in a phone call. I don't see why he would have to give mom proof that he is putting D on the bus accordingly. It's not blocking communication. It's just not a reasonable set up in such a short window of time.

Or if you are asking why he isn't allowing his D to make those calls, then I have no explanation. I would be interested to hear his reasoning as well.
Last edited by ForumVenter 1 on Thu Mar 30, 2017 12:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Ex just threatened court over phone calls

Unread postby RockyCali » Thu Mar 30, 2017 12:19 pm

bigDoodle66 wrote:NY
Divorced 2014
D5
2-2-3 schedule

A few weeks ago, D5 started to get scared to go to Kindergarten. She is in half day Kindergarten and goes to after school care close by.

The event that started this was the after school care was closed as an emergency and D5 was picked up from school. Since then, she has had some anxiety over who is picking her up and if they are going to forget. Note, nobody has ever forgotten to get her. She had a rough week a few weeks ago, but is doing better now.

However, since this happened, she consistently wants to call either myself or her mother in the morning before getting on the bus. These calls are just a few minutes seeking assurance we will be picking her up.

Given the nature of these calls, I have twice said no, since it does more harm than good (makes her more nervous).

Mother is now threatening court assistance since she says I am not following court order. Order says that each party shall be able to communicate with the child at all reasonable times/places.

Does she have anything or do I go back to radio silence again.


Um ... allow the calls? D5's world is rocked. Just take the call, reassure her that you love her and you'll see her in the afternoon. Am I misunderstanding something? You'll have much bigger fish to fry -- don't make this your hill.

ON EDIT: Don't bend over backwards. Maybe it really IS an inconvenience. But this definitely isn't a typical parent call. D5 is probably nervous because of information from her mom. And we're not talking balanced and sane information, either. If you make a big deal out of rejecting these calls, you'll only confirm what ex is telling your daughter (even if irrational). If you just allow the calls, your daughter will soon not see the need, as she'll know you will be there. I guess what I'm saying is don't fan the flames.
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Re: Ex just threatened court over phone calls

Unread postby lionel2013 » Thu Mar 30, 2017 12:29 pm

Given the nature of these calls, I have twice said no, since it does more harm than good (makes her more nervous).


Huh?

What the hell is wrong with you? Take her calls, she's a little kid, for God's sake!
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Re: Ex just threatened court over phone calls

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Thu Mar 30, 2017 12:36 pm

My son is 5 and my daughter is 7.

When they are with me they call their mom before and after school and they do the same when the ex has them. They are always calling both of us.

Not a big deal. Its annoying sometimes especially if we are running late. Im sure it annoys the ex too from time to time. Sooner or later they will grow out of it.
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Re: Ex just threatened court over phone calls

Unread postby bigDoodle66 » Thu Mar 30, 2017 1:23 pm

I always answer when she calls me in the morning. She will call me 3 times between 6am and 7am. I take them all and they are the same thing for 2-3 minutes. Are you picking me up today? Are you going to remember?

Keep in mind this only started happening 2 weeks ago. Before that, there was never any anxiety in the morning. Two weeks ago, she was in tears as she was getting on the bus. In a weeks time, she has gotten much better.

If she was fine for months without any calls, my thought is we should work towards getting back to that.

On the other side, I also see that this may be a phase and she will grow out of it.

I will not let this go to court, obviously. But, if it ever would, and the judge asked why I am not allowing calls, I tell them that time constraints in the morning do not allow reasonable time for a call to the other parent. It is a 10 minute drive through quite a bit of traffic. Our routine is a quiet ride with no electronic distractions.
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Re: Ex just threatened court over phone calls

Unread postby ForumVenter 1 » Thu Mar 30, 2017 1:40 pm

I'd cater to your daughters needs and allow the phone calls. She'll grow out of it soon.

Whatever spooked her 2 weeks ago (daycare being closed?) will be non-existent in a few more weeks
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Re: Ex just threatened court over phone calls

Unread postby bigDoodle66 » Thu Mar 30, 2017 1:52 pm

I agree with you. Thanks.
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