EX Birthday on my weekend (finalized 3 months ago)

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EX Birthday on my weekend (finalized 3 months ago)

Unread postby mystery99114 » Mon Mar 27, 2017 11:10 am

Guys- just wanted to get your thoughts. Our D is finalized 3 months. My EX and I communicate only on emails and we’ve both stuck to the agreement so far.

Her birthday is coming up on a Saturday that’s on my weekend. She sent me an email stating she would like to have my D3 for the entire day, but at least for the afternoon for birthday celebrations. Our agreement is silent on parent’s birthdays; just that we will reasonable accommodate the other person to attend family parties.

Part of my incredulity with her email is that this woman doesn’t even ask me a question in the note. No question marks “Can we switch?, can I see her during this time?”

What have you seen that works in these situations? I’d like to reply to her email and tell her to go < edited > herself and that she should have thought about that before her lying and cheating. I’m not gonna say that tho.
My gut is saying to allow my daughter to go in the afternoon on that day from 2PM-6PM and then tell my EX that I will make those 4 hours up the prior or following weekend and to let me know. Is there anything I’m missing here?

Sorry if this is a basic question – it’s the first go around after the divorce and I’m hyper aware of setting precedents.
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Re: EX Birthday on my weekend (finalized 3 months ago)

Unread postby quantum » Mon Mar 27, 2017 11:18 am

I celebrated my birthday yesterday alone. I wished I had my daughter with me. Like you, my order is alsonsilent about parent's birthday.

So agree to your ex's request so that you can put in the same request for your birthday
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Re: EX Birthday on my weekend (finalized 3 months ago)

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Mon Mar 27, 2017 11:20 am

So much anger :lol:

I would let her take the kid/s for anytime that she wants for her birthday, even if it was an overnight.

Time to start letting it go now.
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Re: EX Birthday on my weekend (finalized 3 months ago)

Unread postby ForumVenter 1 » Mon Mar 27, 2017 12:03 pm

FWIW, I've been co-parenting with Ex for 6yrs now (3 of them prior to courts involvement). I'm an adult and don't have birthday parties any more. Though, my family does do a little Sunday dinner for me on my birthday weekend. But they've always planned it on a weekend where I was going to have my D. I always make my plans based around the parenting schedule. Before ex moved away, she would actually ask if I could watch D on her bday weekend so she could part the night away. To each their own.

Your situation....To keep the peace, I'd allow her to have the time. Maybe you guys getting back to a civil relationship can start today. Just be sure to get full awareness that you will be taking make up time on your bday or the following weekend. Or better yet, just ask if she'd like to switch the entire weekend.
OH - Residential parent of D after a long distance move by Ex. If your child(ren) aren't a priority, you will have no chance at gaining custody.
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Re: EX Birthday on my weekend (finalized 3 months ago)

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Mon Mar 27, 2017 12:11 pm

mystery99114 wrote:What have you seen that works in these situations?
If NJ wants to trade, take your make-up time in advance.

BTW - Make-up time should be thought of in terms of days, or an extra overnight, not a few hours.

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Re: EX Birthday on my weekend (finalized 3 months ago)

Unread postby changeofplans » Mon Mar 27, 2017 3:12 pm

Let your daughter celebrate her mother's birthday. Don't think of it as a favor to your ex, think of it as something for your daughter. Personally, I would not request make-up time for this (though you might want to build reciprocation in for your own birthday ahead of time).

I'd also help your dd make a card for her mother-again, not for mom's sake, but because I'll bet your daughter would be pretty excited about doing it, and it sure can't hurt for her to remember that you made that effort.
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Re: EX Birthday on my weekend (finalized 3 months ago)

Unread postby WCD7399 » Mon Mar 27, 2017 3:47 pm

"Sounds fair to me. How about we just agree that our child can always spend mom or dads birthday with mom or dad? Thanks!"

Would be a great reply.
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Re: EX Birthday on my weekend (finalized 3 months ago)

Unread postby Trevor » Mon Mar 27, 2017 6:09 pm

There are no people on earth I'd rather share my birthday than my kids. Even if your birthday falls on your time this year, at some point she'll be asked to return the favor. Whether she does or doesn't is on her. Agree with the consensus that you stipulate that the notion that kids get to spend a good part of each parent's birthday with that parent when parenting time is with the other should be the standard.

Why not look at the calendar for the next n years to anticipate how often this exception will even occur when deciding? [Rhet.]
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Re: EX Birthday on my weekend (finalized 3 months ago)

Unread postby kmich91262 » Fri Mar 31, 2017 3:08 pm

Don't be that tool that doesn't allow your child to see the other parent on their birthday. S13's mom is notorious for that type of thing whether we are talking birthdays and other events...she knows the police won't do squat nor do they care. Thankfully this year my birthday falls on a time period I have him. Last year, she wouldn't bring him nor allow him out the door when I went there to pick him up....he is a momma's boy and he listened to momma too much that got him into trouble, hence the reason why I'm now the custodial parent. Needless to say I demanded in my make up time not only the normal time I would have gotten for the birthday but also an overnight and got it. Do I have the super majority of the time with junior in a calendar year as in about 65% of the time...yes? Does it make it right that junior's mom decided that my birthday wasn't important? Apparently in her mind it did for some sick and demented reason. Did it make it right that I took time from her for my make up time...yes. Unfortunately there are some people that just don't learn and would prefer to poison the well vs. actually being a parent and working with the other parent. Just my two cents of input.
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Re: EX Birthday on my weekend (finalized 3 months ago)

Unread postby a dad » Fri Mar 31, 2017 7:08 pm

I find it silly to exchange the kids because of the parents birthdays.

With that said, and seeing that you have equal parenting time, OP, your instinct to be flexible may feel tough so soon after going through divorce but it is most likely best.

If you had EOW, I'd say try to swap a day. With equal time or more, let it go.
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