The new guy

Your divorce and child custody agreements are final, get practical tips for moving on with your life after divorce.

Re: The new guy

Unread postby hoot74 » Sat Mar 25, 2017 2:38 pm

My kids have mentioned "Mr. Bob." He is Mom's "friend" who "parks his motorcycle" in Mom's "garage" now and then. I have seen him twice in my life, and he was the hit of the party the first time - made me chuckle. He got my girls gift cards for Christmas. He seems like a nice guy all around.
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Re: The new guy

Unread postby Optimist630 » Sun Mar 26, 2017 11:00 pm

I hate making mistakes. Tonight, after the X dropped our daughter off with me I made mistake number one and answered the phone when she called me three minutes later.

Less than one month in, she proposed changing the schedule already. 2-3-2 upsets her and her children every other Sunday when she has to point out that one is different than the other three and bring her to me. She suggested making the three day stretch be Friday night through Sunday night. Currently I see my daughter all but two days a month, every other Saturday. So off the bat she is proposing I double that essentially. She says it's hard for her to leave her siblings. I don't doubt that it is, but I also don't doubt that mother is not at all helping the situation in any way. Where I screwed up is informing her that this is the situation she initiated, so I don't want to hear that suddenly she's worried about her daughter's best interest. I don't buy it. It's all about the X not wanting to deal with anything.

I screwed up by reacting emotionally rather than just saying "we have an agreement in place I am OK with" I will do better.
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Re: The new guy

Unread postby massdad1234 » Mon Mar 27, 2017 10:47 am

sounds important, you should email me.
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Re: The new guy

Unread postby Optimist630 » Mon Mar 27, 2017 4:14 pm

Today's fun was after 100% confirmation she had steps lie to me blatantly to protect her relationship with Mr W I told her she had bettef not ever ask our daughter to lie, or imply she is supposed to lie. Told her I don't care about her sleezy details but to put kids in the middle is so gross. I don't know, maybe I shouldn't but I want the lines in the sand to be very defined. She naturally took offense to the implication I need to protect our daughter from her own mother, so be it.

I shouldn't be shocked that a liar is teaching children to lie. I made my point clear and got out. I don't care about her escapades. What she's doing right now is protecting a timeline. Needs to project to the world that this thing just started. Funny thing is, that's not good either.

The main moral though is that I'm learning I have my work cut out for me to overcome the heaping pile of crap that will be heaped upon our daughter from the other half.
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Re: The new guy

Unread postby Havalu7 » Mon Mar 27, 2017 5:12 pm

OP you told her!

How did that work out for you?

Bro you need to tune that DGAF meter up higher and stop calling a a fool a fool.

Keep your powder and your inner peace dry and tucked away. You are telling her where your goat is tied up. Heck you are leading her to it and helping her...

Like "a dad" said earlier DONT!

Post here before you take any actions other than life saving emergency measures.
You can do this just let that little inner forum voice become louder in your head.
They say you feed the spirit you want to grow. Which do you want to grow?
”No is a complete sentence” Unknown
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Re: The new guy

Unread postby Optimist630 » Mon Mar 27, 2017 5:30 pm

All I can say is you are 100% correct

Yeah I sure told her, had everything all lined up to deliver to the person who will never understand, care or change what she is. So stupid. In the moment I was defending my daughter. You know, the way you would scream at the ocean to never drown your kid when you could be off teaching them how to swim.
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Re: The new guy

Unread postby Havalu7 » Mon Mar 27, 2017 5:39 pm

You'll get it.

It's progress not perfection.

Look into the Smart Recovery area for family members. AALANON also helped me with MY control issues. Remember you can only control yourself and OP trust me for awhile in my life I felt like I wasn't even doing too well at that. Both programs have some great sayings that will help you in a pinch. Take what you like from any Recovery and leave the rest.

One of my favorite is asking your self "How important is it?" Then "Why is it important?" Also if it's outside of your skin or your hula hoop; then you can't control other people places and things.

You will be fine just learn from your and other's mistakes that you see posted here.
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Re: The new guy

Unread postby Optimist630 » Mon Mar 27, 2017 6:41 pm

Yeah I guess it is sort of about control. I have read where most feelings have a separate feeling actually controlling it. For anger it is usually control. You feel like you know something if you are angry about it, thus control is satisfied.

If there is no enemy within, the enemy outside can do you no harm. I like this quote because it applies to almost any situation.
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Re: The new guy

Unread postby Phoenix853 » Tue Mar 28, 2017 12:57 pm

Opt,

Radio Silent. FFS

Your not going to show her or control her actions. There is nothing you can do....Just ignore, cry into a pillow, or go to the gym and work out your own issues. Your not going to change your Ex or show her the light.

The only thing you can do for your Daughter is be there for her listen and not speak.
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Re: The new guy

Unread postby Optimist630 » Tue Mar 28, 2017 1:11 pm

Yeah I need to cut out the momentary lapses. Trying to get a firm grasp on exactly WHY I let her get to me still.

Tonight I have a date with a new guitar.

D5 sick today. I have given one word replies when asked about her. With a complicated medical history I will not go silent when shd is sick. But also will not converse.
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