The new guy

Your divorce and child custody agreements are final, get practical tips for moving on with your life after divorce.

Re: The new guy

Unread postby whatever_works » Thu Mar 23, 2017 11:34 am

Optimist630 wrote: It's a layer I have not read about here much. To me it's the secret and quiet devastating part of my situation is the loss of a relationship I put time into but now is just over


Really? All of us talking about our kids all the time has no bearing on your situation at all? Step kids are totally different? ;-)
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Re: The new guy

Unread postby Optimist630 » Thu Mar 23, 2017 1:34 pm

What I mean is there is no legal rights that I really have or anything. I'm not saying it's 100% different, it's just a different type of scenario in many ways, at least in my particular situation. Especially if the mother never saw your influence on them so it is disregarded. Now you are just gone. I had not really seen step children addressed on here in the threads I have read is really all I was getting at.
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Re: The new guy

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Thu Mar 23, 2017 1:42 pm

This forum tends to take a strict, though not necessarily accurate, legal view of stepchildren. They're not yours, not your problem, nothing you can do.

However, the truth is one or more members have custody orders concerning their former stepchildren.
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Re: The new guy

Unread postby Optimist630 » Thu Mar 23, 2017 1:58 pm

Oh I know it happens. Mine are teenagers, their dad is in the mix and mom never truly viewed me as anything to them. So in my particular situation, I was the person they spent the most time with by far, we had a very good relationship and now it is greatly diminished. I have made it clear to them that I'm not just leaving their lives. But at the end of the day there is only so much I can do. I know the same thing happens to people with their actual children, and I'm not directly comparing them. It's a strange dynamic in my case. I'm not diminishing what people have gone through by saying my situation is hard. My situation is just my situation.
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Re: The new guy

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Thu Mar 23, 2017 2:01 pm

I understand. I missed the ex step kids far more than the ex.
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Re: The new guy

Unread postby Phoenix853 » Thu Mar 23, 2017 2:20 pm

For that matter, I miss the dog more than my EX.
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Re: The new guy

Unread postby Optimist630 » Thu Mar 23, 2017 2:26 pm

The silver lining is that they represent everything I did correct, in large part thanks to what I learned here. They insisted on helping me move. I hear from them all via text frequently I did not badmouth their mother, as hard as it was not to sometimes. I did not stop doing anything for them until I had no choice on the last day I was physically present. I miss them but they have been over a few times.
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Re: The new guy

Unread postby massdad1234 » Fri Mar 24, 2017 8:38 am

you can't white knight for your ex anymore, let her figure out household stuff.

In terms of the other children, keep a relationship with them that you would like. They are old enough to make their own decisions and pretty soon will be legal adults. What is your ex going to do? control their behavior? Keep it positive towards them, make them feel welcome and chart a course for the type of relationship you would like with them moving forward.

Or not, up to you, but don't feel, with their age, that they can't or shouldn't be able to leverage their own critical thinking skills.

Keep your head up, one day at a time and keep your focus inward - yourself, your life, your child. You no longer have to concern yourself with your ex, which is a good thing, remember?
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Re: The new guy

Unread postby a dad » Fri Mar 24, 2017 6:42 pm

Phoenix853 wrote:I miss the dog more than my EX.
Comparing children to dogs is the false equivalent these guys were talking about.

And the letter D in DGAF, or as I call it - DGF, stands for "Don't".
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Re: The new guy

Unread postby Phoenix853 » Fri Mar 24, 2017 11:06 pm

a Dad.
Not what I meant. I was just missing my dog.

Wasn't intended to relate step kids with dogs.
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