The new guy

Your divorce and child custody agreements are final, get practical tips for moving on with your life after divorce.

The new guy

Unread postby Optimist630 » Wed Mar 22, 2017 3:48 pm

A few weeks after divorce, and a guy I suspected there was something with is always at what used to be my house. He is doing some work is the story for now but I of course suspect more. I don't want to trade places with him, she is no prize to me any longer. But hearing my five-year-old daughter talk about him is well, I guess I don't have to describe how it feels because that's why I am here, because you guys know. How did you handle similar things? I've tried to not ask questions about that house, I try to not be in contact with my ex unless I have to. I need to get over the marriage. Do I even say anything if he is already staying the night? Or does it serve absolutely no purpose to tell her she's a bad parent because she clearly doesn't care.

I was strong down the stretch run of the divorce. Stuff like this I sort of didn't think about ahead of time.

I have my daughter more than my ex does. I am having a great time with her and spoiling her with love and attention. That needs to remain my focus. I think I just feel embarrassed, stupid and overall angry at her. But I don't think acting out on any of those is any good.
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Re: The new guy

Unread postby BartSimpson » Wed Mar 22, 2017 3:58 pm

Rationally speaking, what are the chances of their relationship working in the long term?
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Re: The new guy

Unread postby Phoenix853 » Wed Mar 22, 2017 4:01 pm

Radio Silence.

No need to question your Daughter. Just Say "That's Nice." and move on.
Shouldn't be much in the way of contact between your Ex and you, unless it's about your daughter, and really that's minimal.
"health", "grades","Emergency", blah blah blah

As you move past the divorce you'll need to No Give A Frek (DGAF).

You got this superdad. Why do you need to contact your ex anyway's.

We have a scenario around here. Alien Abduction.
If your ex was abducted by aliens, what would you do? Could your support your daughter?Brush her hair? Help with homework? Take her to the Doctors? Prepare to do this all on your own and you'll do fine.
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Re: The new guy

Unread postby Optimist630 » Wed Mar 22, 2017 4:19 pm

I replied once but it seems to have disappeared. My apologies if it ends up popping up.

Rationally speaking, the foundation of any relationship started now could not be more unstable. It's so not going to be a thought of mine for a long time.

As far as alien abduction goes, I have been doing it all already forever. My daughter already refers to my new place as her home and she could not be more comfortable here. That's because I am her rock, not any structure.

I look forward to not caring. That's really all I want.

She still texts me about frivolous things, telling me that the washing machine stopped working at my former home. I can't even begin to describe the lack of tact that requires, knowing I'm the one who had to leave.

When my thoughts stray to the past year or so, I have begun punishing myself with physical activity. I figure it's turning pain into gain.

My past year was filled with uncertainty. I never really knew what was going on and that killed me. I know my goal now is to create my own certainty.
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Re: The new guy

Unread postby whatever_works » Wed Mar 22, 2017 4:49 pm

I like your attitude starting with your handle. You'll do fine.
:-)
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Re: The new guy

Unread postby Trevor » Wed Mar 22, 2017 7:44 pm

Phoenix853 wrote:No Give A Frek (DGAF)

Um...
"Personal density is directly proportional to temporal bandwidth."
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Re: The new guy

Unread postby massdad1234 » Wed Mar 22, 2017 9:14 pm

She is trying to push buttons, disconnect. Ignore all texts that don't have to deal with your child, mandatory 6 hour cool off between communications at least. If your child is with you, possibly longer.

You knew she was going to move on, you will have to deal with it. Turn your focus inward.
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Re: The new guy

Unread postby Phoenix853 » Thu Mar 23, 2017 10:04 am

Trevor wrote:
Phoenix853 wrote:No Give A Frek (DGAF)

Um...


yeah.....
Not give a feck.....or DGAF

Thanks Trevor


OP,
It gets better. Tell her to move to Email and away from Texting. Disregard any text not related to your daughter. It will bring peace to your life.
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Re: The new guy

Unread postby Optimist630 » Thu Mar 23, 2017 10:20 am

The layer to this that sucks is my now former stepchildren. I had a good relationship with them, and still do with them frequently texting me etc. part of me wants to not be interpreted as a jerk so I don't lose that. But I can't live like that so I won't. It's a layer I have not read about here much. To me it's the secret and quiet devastating part of my situation is the loss of a relationship I put time into but now is just over

Currently ignoring a text having to do with the day-to-day functioning of the house, which all fell on me and she's trying to figure out. I will probably have to spell it out for her soon because she is a grown-up child and will not take any hints. I have no desire to be A resource for her when she needs something.

DGAF. I like it. I read a thread before mediation here that suggested STFU as a strategy and I said it in my head during mediation and it helped. I should try to use this one similarly.
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Re: The new guy

Unread postby Optimist630 » Thu Mar 23, 2017 10:48 am

She's not the only one who has found love I must admit. I just replaced her with a very sexy creature.... made by Fender. I need a healthy outlet, nothing better than a creative one. Best part is it's pretty and I get to control what it says.
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