EX DELEGATES < parenting time > AND UPDATES TO HER LAWYER

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Re: EX DELEGATES < parenting time > AND UPDATES TO HER LAWYE

Unread postby astrolink » Thu Mar 16, 2017 11:09 am

You moved 500 miles away to another state. The courts will not change custody to you. It is not in the best of the children.

Your only chance of making progress is to live in the same school district as the kids, or very close to it.
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Re: EX DELEGATES < parenting time > AND UPDATES TO HER LAWYE

Unread postby tdever » Thu Mar 16, 2017 11:24 am

No i do not have a address where my ex and my children live. She was served her paperwork to her lawyer. As far as the school where my daughters go. Of course I contact the school. I get weekly e mails and updates about school progress from their teachers.

I have asked the admin at the school what address they use, and they use a PO box, the same one that she has given to me.

The Address and phone number issue is in the contempt charges that I am pursuing.

I understand the moving to a different state. I Have heard the not in the best interest of the children excuse many times.

What that really means is that family court and family court judges do not like to relinquish control . bottom line is that if my daughters lived next door to the judge they would not know what my children are doing. I understand the the way family court works. I have dealt with them for almost two years now. Just because I live in a different state does not mean that it is in the best interests of my children.

I am simply asking if someone that has responsibility to talk and work out < parenting time > times and drop off and pick up locations, how can you delegate that to your lawyer and just say hey i am not going to talk to you ever again get with my lawyer. And if said lawyer agrees to be that in between, if there is a problem with < parenting time > how is it that he could not be brought up on contempt charges.

I understand that it is supposed to be between her and I, but if she gives that up to her lawyer, then it seems as if he is involved as well. I would think that he would be smart enough to not get involved in something that his client is in contempt of a court order but that is not the case here
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Re: EX DELEGATES < parenting time > AND UPDATES TO HER LAWYE

Unread postby tdever » Thu Mar 16, 2017 11:37 am

i wanted to add that I have two different parenting plans in my divorce decree. The one that I mentioned before is the out of state which comes up to roughly 110 days a year, which I have not faltered from since I moved.

The second one is the one that happens the day I move back to SC. that is the 47%. I did have it put in to the divorce decree that me moving back to the state would warrant a significant change in circumstances and that I could request a new look at custody.

I truly understand what you guys are all talking about with moving closer, etc. I am 47 years old I am retired from the US Army. I really from the start did not want to be the primary custodian of my children. I think that they were doing fine. However once this new boyfriend was introduced, and this is not the first one that she has had. Things have gotten much worse. So I am not looking for sole custody, I am however interested in me being the primary custodian.

And for sure, which is what I asked originally. IS how can a lawyer become so involved that my ex will not even talk to me and that I have to go thru him to schedule my parenting time.
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Re: EX DELEGATES < parenting time > AND UPDATES TO HER LAWYE

Unread postby BartSimpson » Thu Mar 16, 2017 11:44 am

It is appropriate for the mother to assign to her attorney the task of communications with you. She has done nothing wrong with this action, and you should follow the request politely. It messes with her head and she doesn't want the grief.

Looking at this as a third-party reviewer, I can see how the mother has become frustrated with direct communications between you - that it is simple a source of continuing entanglement, rather than a benefit to the children. Discussions with you are like walking on eggshells, as you are sensitive and easily triggered. From an outsider's perspective, it's almost as if you hated the mother, but didn't want to let go of her.

Any idea what that might be called?
Last edited by BartSimpson on Thu Mar 16, 2017 11:45 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: EX DELEGATES < parenting time > AND UPDATES TO HER LAWYE

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Thu Mar 16, 2017 11:45 am

tdever wrote:No i do not have a address where my ex and my children live. She was served her paperwork to her lawyer.


In my state there is no law or case law forcing either parent to tell the other what their address is. Even if it is written in the court orders it is not enforceable.

tdever wrote:The Address and phone number issue is in the contempt charges that I am pursuing.


Contempt for what? Contempt is an act against the judge not the law or court orders.

tdever wrote:I understand the moving to a different state. I Have heard the not in the best interest of the children excuse many times.

What that really means is that family court and family court judges do not like to relinquish control . bottom line is that if my daughters lived next door to the judge they would not know what my children are doing. I understand the the way family court works. I have dealt with them for almost two years now. Just because I live in a different state does not mean that it is in the best interests of my children.


What a waist of two years, you learned nothing about family law in one state let alone two. Best interest of the kids is very real and very serious in all states. You need to understand what it means and how it is applied.

So far in all your posts I haven't seen you say anything about what is in the kids best interests, just yours. This is a big problem, the judge will see this and rule accordingly and you aren't going to like it.

tdever wrote:I am simply asking if someone that has responsibility to talk and work out < parenting time > times and drop off and pick up locations, how can you delegate that to your lawyer and just say hey i am not going to talk to you ever again get with my lawyer. And if said lawyer agrees to be that in between, if there is a problem with < parenting time > how is it that he could not be brought up on contempt charges.


You can hire a lawyer to do pretty much anything you want them to do. Within in the law of course, they obviously cant kill, rob or extort anyone for you.

tdever wrote:I understand that it is supposed to be between her and I, but if she gives that up to her lawyer, then it seems as if he is involved as well. I would think that he would be smart enough to not get involved in something that his client is in contempt of a court order but that is not the case here


It can be between you, her, her lawyer, your lawyer, judge, GAL, custody evaluator, parenting time coordinator, FOC, CPS....you name it. Its all perfectly legal.
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Re: EX DELEGATES < parenting time > AND UPDATES TO HER LAWYE

Unread postby tdever » Thu Mar 16, 2017 12:18 pm

there is no law in the state of SC that says that she has to give me her address. However in the decree it states that I must pick up and drop off at her residence. That obviously is not happening.

I agree you can hire a lawyer to do anything.

I agree about the best interests of my children. But i do know this, there is no judge or third party that truly knows what is in the best interests of my children.

And to address what a third party looking in at the situation sees. I am sorry if she does not want me in her business, as long as my daughters live with her I will be in her business. Just as she would be in mine if I had my children. It is very funny the standard what she goes by and others go by when the children are under you household. when they are not the expectation is usually something that she is not willing to give when they are with her.

Anyway, I digress. I only provided as much info as I did so everyone would get a true sense of what is going on. And that some of you all think that it is ok that one day your ex, decides hey I don't want to talk to you anymore and I am not going to give you updates as what your children are doing. Well I neither agree nor think that it is ok that she hide behind a attorney.

As far as the best interests of my children and me not mentioning that. What does anyone think is in the best interests. I get it a judge and attorney has a idea of what that is, same with her and I. The best interests of my children are to see there parents be able to get along and coparent and put all the past in the past. But for you to say that I am not looking out for the best interests of my children is a bit naive. I do understand what the court thinks and I do understand that they are king, and what they rule is the way it is going to be regardless of who it benefits. I again have dealt with the family court system for two years now. Spent a lot of money, trying to prove something that was a given three years ago when i was home with my children. and in the state of SC getting 47% is not the norm.
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Re: EX DELEGATES < parenting time > AND UPDATES TO HER LAWYE

Unread postby tdever » Thu Mar 16, 2017 12:33 pm

BartSimpson wrote:It is appropriate for the mother to assign to her attorney the task of communications with you. She has done nothing wrong with this action, and you should follow the request politely. It messes with her head and she doesn't want the grief.

Looking at this as a third-party reviewer, I can see how the mother has become frustrated with direct communications between you - that it is simple a source of continuing entanglement, rather than a benefit to the children. Discussions with you are like walking on eggshells, as you are sensitive and easily triggered. From an outsider's perspective, it's almost as if you hated the mother, but didn't want to let go of her.

where did you come up with this from? from any of the posts that I have posted. what I can see is that I am a concerned father. And why it is that I have to prove that everyone is beyond me. am I sensitive, i sure am just as I am sure most guys would be when everything about your children is controlled.

Any idea what that might be called?

no idea please tell me.
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Re: EX DELEGATES < parenting time > AND UPDATES TO HER LAWYE

Unread postby tdever » Thu Mar 16, 2017 12:38 pm

lovingfatherof2 wrote:
tdever wrote:No i do not have a address where my ex and my children live. She was served her paperwork to her lawyer.


In my state there is no law or case law forcing either parent to tell the other what their address is. Even if it is written in the court orders it is not enforceable.

tdever wrote:The Address and phone number issue is in the contempt charges that I am pursuing.


Contempt for what? Contempt is an act against the judge not the law or court orders.

In the State of SC, you can be held in contempt of anything that is in the Divorce decree. So for instance, if the court order says you are to have the kids for this weekend and you do not. You are in contempt of < parenting time >.

tdever wrote:I understand the moving to a different state. I Have heard the not in the best interest of the children excuse many times.

What that really means is that family court and family court judges do not like to relinquish control . bottom line is that if my daughters lived next door to the judge they would not know what my children are doing. I understand the the way family court works. I have dealt with them for almost two years now. Just because I live in a different state does not mean that it is in the best interests of my children.


What a waist of two years, you learned nothing about family law in one state let alone two. Best interest of the kids is very real and very serious in all states. You need to understand what it means and how it is applied.

So far in all your posts I haven't seen you say anything about what is in the kids best interests, just yours. This is a big problem, the judge will see this and rule accordingly and you aren't going to like it.

tdever wrote:I am simply asking if someone that has responsibility to talk and work out < parenting time > times and drop off and pick up locations, how can you delegate that to your lawyer and just say hey i am not going to talk to you ever again get with my lawyer. And if said lawyer agrees to be that in between, if there is a problem with < parenting time > how is it that he could not be brought up on contempt charges.


You can hire a lawyer to do pretty much anything you want them to do. Within in the law of course, they obviously cant kill, rob or extort anyone for you.

tdever wrote:I understand that it is supposed to be between her and I, but if she gives that up to her lawyer, then it seems as if he is involved as well. I would think that he would be smart enough to not get involved in something that his client is in contempt of a court order but that is not the case here


It can be between you, her, her lawyer, your lawyer, judge, GAL, custody evaluator, parenting time coordinator, FOC, CPS....you name it. Its all perfectly legal.
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Re: EX DELEGATES < parenting time > AND UPDATES TO HER LAWYE

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Thu Mar 16, 2017 12:40 pm

tdever wrote:And that some of you all think that it is ok that one day your ex, decides hey I don't want to talk to you anymore and I am not going to give you updates as what your children are doing. Well I neither agree nor think that it is ok that she hide behind a attorney.


I wouldn't care one bit if my ex did that.

It would make absolutely ZERO difference in anything.

Your probably wondering why it would make ZERO difference. Its because I am a parent 100% of the time, my ex don't have to tell me anything, I get the information myself, I don't need her. What could she possibly tell me about the kids anyways?
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Re: EX DELEGATES < parenting time > AND UPDATES TO HER LAWYE

Unread postby tdever » Thu Mar 16, 2017 12:56 pm

lovingfatherof2 wrote:
tdever wrote:And that some of you all think that it is ok that one day your ex, decides hey I don't want to talk to you anymore and I am not going to give you updates as what your children are doing. Well I neither agree nor think that it is ok that she hide behind a attorney.


I wouldn't care one bit if my ex did that.

It would make absolutely ZERO difference in anything.

Your probably wondering why it would make ZERO difference. Its because I am a parent 100% of the time, my ex don't have to tell me anything, I get the information myself, I don't need her. What could she possibly tell me about the kids anyways?

I agree I am a parent 100% of the time as well. And that is great that yo would be ok with that I am not. And get the information yourself. How do you do that? I mean the vast majority of things I do get myself. But if you are not told something happened or did not happened how do you know how to look for it? I get it man, maybe you are in the same town, I am not. I am not even in the same state. And my job I work overseas, I travel a whole lot. I always make sure that I am home to see my kids when it is my time. But again, it sounds real easy to get that info, in reality it is not.
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