should I go to hearing and face them ?

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should I go to hearing and face them ?

Unread postby mystery99114 » Mon Mar 13, 2017 8:16 am

Been 3 months since agreement signed, received final notice from judge.
To recap, NY state, my EX (married approx 5 years, together 10 (college sweethearts, blah blah blah)), had started a new job, knew a guy for 12 weeks, had an affair (guy was married at time, had a toddler and a preg wife), my ex got pregnant with his kid, started acted weird, I found out and started the divorce process, we continued to live together through the process and she had his baby (the kid is not mine, kid is clearly a different race). My ex and I have a daughter almost 3 now.
She never took accountability for her actions or any blame or showed any signs of remorse. I stopped looking for them.
Since we settled:
(1) She introduced by daughter to the guy without giving me the heads up. When I protested on the grounds of just letting me know to prepare a response when my D says the guys name, she stated that “she figured I’d never want them to meet anyway so she went ahead and did it.”
I told her that since our communications are so broken down, everything via email from now on. Have improved things 1000%
(2) My EX and OM have been doing everything to avoid me. I’ve never made a threat nor would I. The other day, I was running late for work, and they both were in the car to drop my Daughter off at my place (sitter was there). As the car approached my block, they saw me, stopped the car and made a U-turn off the block to avoid me. Then my ex walked my D to my door. I didn’t say anything.

(3) When I drop off my D, my ex has hid her left hand and made it obvious she is doing so. I surmise she is wearing an engagement ring. I have kept radio silent.

As part of my settlement, my ex signed a stipulation that she would go to family court and file a motion for filiation so this other kid is officially not mine. We waited for the papers to be filed before we signed in December.
Yesterday, my ex emailed me, and then I got served papers (dated 1/26) so she sat on this as long as she could, that family court hearing is finally being held next week for her and this guy for a hearing of filiation. Shed then sent me an email saying if I don’t attend, I could just send a certified letter saying I have no objection for the finding of paternity to be made. She really doesn’t want me there. This guy appears to be afraid to be in the same room with me. I know he’s broke, he moved 40 miles away from his daughters to be closer to my ex, and he sees his daughters 4 nights a month. His choice

From what I understand at the hearing, the judge would just ask me if I had any objections to their paternity.
Would you guys go to the hearing? Would you say something to the guy? My gut says go to the hearing, and stay quiet, letting the facts of the case speak for themselves. I don’t want to run this question by my attorney as I don’t want a charge.

Trying to move on, closing these pieces down one at a time.
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Re: should I go to hearing and face them ?

Unread postby lovingfatherof2 » Mon Mar 13, 2017 8:24 am

I would go just so that I could make it clear to the judge that I have no objections if he were to ask.

Chances are you wont have to say a word but you should still be there.
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Re: should I go to hearing and face them ?

Unread postby MegaDad » Mon Mar 13, 2017 8:42 am

The general opinion on this forum is to never skip a court date. This scenario is no exception. You should show up, say nothing to the Ex or OM unless you must. When all is said and done you leave. Simple.
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Re: should I go to hearing and face them ?

Unread postby trapper » Mon Mar 13, 2017 11:22 am

Never miss a court date. If you are not there and something is misconstrued, you will live with the result.
My attorney said I didn't need to attend a court date for a domestic violence petition. WTF?
My attorney was a no show (busy in another county). My X's attorney withdrew the petition. I suppose if I hadn't showed, the petition would have been granted without objection.
Bottom line - attend the proceeding.
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Re: should I go to hearing and face them ?

Unread postby Havalu7 » Mon Mar 13, 2017 2:41 pm

Go to court and show off your SuperDadness!
"No." is a complete sentence.
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Re: should I go to hearing and face them ?

Unread postby mystery99114 » Mon Mar 27, 2017 10:58 am

Update – providing this for anyone who may have a paternity hearing:
I followed the advice on the forum and went. My rationale: I am the one who pushed her to file the paternity papers against the guy and get an order of affiliation so when OM disappears one day she’s not looking to me to pay her anything. Big waiting room, 60+ people there. EX and OM look up at me walking in, EX looks like she saw a ghost when sees me. I said nothing. As I mentioned, OM has avoided me completely thus far.

We wait approximately 1/2 hours, and then get called in.
Me, EX and OM get sworn in. Judge thanks me for coming in. Has me sit triangularly facing (Judge) and my EX. My back to OM. He is staring straight ahead avoiding making any contact with me.
Judge states there is a rebuttable assumption that under the law paternity of a child in marriage is assumed to be the father’s:

Questions she asked: “What is your relationship to MS.X ?. When did you divorce? When did she tell you she was pregnant? Were you having sex during the time of conception? Were you sleeping in the same bed ? When did you physically not live together?

Judge was shaking her head in disbelief that we continued to live together for a year.
I answered all questions straightforward and brief. My EX’s face was red, rolling her eyes on some answers, visibly embarrassed. Judge asked my EX if she has any questions for me. She replied “No.”
Judge excused me –I felt great. A court officer sees me on the way out, says I look like I heard amazing news.

I could have sent in a stipulation but I’m glad I went.
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Re: should I go to hearing and face them ?

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Mon Mar 27, 2017 12:51 pm

Wouldn't it have been easier to do a DNA test??

Q: What if NJ refuses to name the biological father. Or what’s worse, what if she doesn’t know??

FYI - The above proceeding has roots in Common Law.

Like football, family court is a game of inches. A John Madden strategy
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