Ex made D promise, should I discuss with Ex?

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Re: Ex made D promise, should I discuss with Ex?

Unread postby Caruzzo » Thu Mar 09, 2017 11:04 pm

Lol. Well done, Mock.
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Re: Ex made D promise, should I discuss with Ex?

Unread postby ForumVenter 1 » Fri Mar 10, 2017 1:05 pm

Nice Mock!

Per Rocky's call-out, if it were just D and I, I would have made new plans. But rounding up a few parents and their D's and pre-ordering tickets complicated the decision.

Update... I decided to ignore and let the chips fall where they may. I hadn't even mentioned anything more to D. Last night, Ex Facetimed and mentioned the movie. D excitedly told her mom that Daddy is taking her to see it with (friend names). Ex replied "He is? But you promised you would watch it with me!? We've been talking about it for 2 months. So you're going to make mommy watch it by herself?" D's interest in talking to her mom kind of shut down at that point and the call ended shortly after.

D is good. More so, I just feel bad when Ex makes her feel guilty about things.
OH - Residential parent of D after a long distance move by Ex. If your child(ren) aren't a priority, you will have no chance at gaining custody.
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Re: Ex made D promise, should I discuss with Ex?

Unread postby Phoenix853 » Fri Mar 10, 2017 1:29 pm

FV,
Your going to learn if not already, there is nothing your can do or say to control what your Ex say's or does.

All you can do is be there to support D and hope that come the new few years that your Ex wises up and watches what she say's. I'm skeptical she will, but that's why they call it hope.

One more thing, Disconnect your buttons. I think your too involved in the conversations with your D and her mother. The further you place yourself away from their conversations the better your will deal.

I'm glad you've decided to do your own thing together and let the chips fall.

Oh, when your Ex emails you about steeling her thunder. That will be the time to ignore,not respond. and disconnect. we call it radio silence.
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Re: Ex made D promise, should I discuss with Ex?

Unread postby ForumVenter 1 » Fri Mar 10, 2017 2:29 pm

Thanks for the support on my decision. And you predicted the follow up text on the Ex's part. ha. She sent a text instead of an OFW message. No reply from me is warranted.

And I agree on the phone time. Unless we're on a car ride somewhere, I distance myself from her phone time. We were working on her homework last night when Ex called. I gave D the phone and went in the kitchen to clean up dinner stuff. Though D wanders around the house while on the phone and often comes to find me wherever I am. And using Facetime, it's all speaker phone. So I overhear their convo at times.
OH - Residential parent of D after a long distance move by Ex. If your child(ren) aren't a priority, you will have no chance at gaining custody.
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Re: Ex made D promise, should I discuss with Ex?

Unread postby RockyCali » Fri Mar 10, 2017 9:21 pm

Nice job.

FWIW, disconnecting can be very difficult. Especially given the manipulative nature of your ex. She - like my ex - thrives on attention and drama. When you master the art of starving her of your attention, she will only make herself look bad. Your daughter exemplified that last night ... and she's only 6.

Mine are S12, D10 and S6. Three years of this crap and the oldest 2 are definitely figuring it out.
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Re: Ex made D promise, should I discuss with Ex?

Unread postby ttomred » Wed Mar 15, 2017 11:56 am

These situations can be tough. Though, when you are the custodial parent you end up having to juggle the feelings of the child and the mom, even though you shouldn’t have to. When you are a non-custodial parent and distance is involved, you don’t get to go to the movies everytime a kid’s movie comes out. Instead these times with your child are few and far between and they become big events. If there is a big movie or something happening near a custodial time for mom, maybe take the initiative and text mom, hey B&B is coming out, I plan to do… unless you want to take her… If there is no response, do your thing. I would not expect her to do the same for you. Also, if a custodial period is coming for mom next week and a movie is coming out this week, wait to see is mom will take her. You can take here to a movie anytime. Mom, not so.
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