big guy wrote:It's easier to be around home by myself. The problem comes when I want to do other things: go out to eat, take in a movie, go out for a drink, or for a walk along the river front. Not fun when you are by yourself. So I'm concentrating on the things I do enjoy at home for now...at least until the weather warms up. My daughter is a busy girl and isn't home much right now.
I hear you, been through the same myself. I understand the "be yourself first and maybe remain single" advice very well, but reality is while it works very well for some men, it doesn't work so well [or at all] for others. I, like you, fall in the latter category, and felt the same way as you do after separation [she left July 2013]. I really, truly enjoyed my "me" time, but there was too much of it. Additionally, at my age, most other people including my own friends of all ages were married, so it was difficult to socialize with them. There's nothing one can do about that, because at the core, people don't change. So I think it is perfectly normal that you feel the way you do because that is the way you are: you need the company of a woman to be happy.
But another thing I can tell you is that as long as you don't come to peace with what's happened to yourself you will not have the mental and emotional state of mind to meet and start a relationship with another woman. You need to get over this, you need to understand she is gone and never coming back, and even if she were coming back clearly she was not the one for you, since she's the one who left. So focus on your kid to the extent possible, pursue your hobbies, work out, forget about your X, and prepare for your next relationship because life goes on for everybody -- for you, too. But the thing is, with all the therapies and venting to friends and everything else out there, you and only you can make that happen. In other words, you need to summon the will to overcome, from within. Looking back I realize how stupid I was to "mourn" my dead and rotten marriage when there are people all over this world who manage to overcome the loss of a child. That is worse than a divorce, that is the
worst, yet they do it. I saw one of my co-workers go through that, a couple of years ago, and although I am sure it still saddens him, he didn't put a bullet through his head and he still comes to work every day.
Back to my story -- some 2.5 years after dear X filed I got married again, to a woman I had gone out with in college, then broken up with for no good reason, at the time [and regretted it], and whom I though was lost and gone forever. Still happily married, slowly but surely trying to re-build my life, and enjoying it as much as I can, with her
. For me it is not a do-over
because she and most of everything else is different than it was with X, it is a brand new start.
And I think that is what you, too, need. But in order to get there you need to cowboy up and put the life with your X behind you. The sooner, the better for you.
Whenever you think divorce is bad, remember there are worse things than divorce.