Mom telling kids to lie to me,and other parental alienation

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Mom telling kids to lie to me,and other parental alienation

Unread postby Prezzy » Mon Feb 13, 2017 11:32 am

Hey guys,

Divorced a few years. 2 sons ages 10 and 6. This past Friday I went to pick up my kids as normal and my ex was being very vague with a pick up time saying she had "car troubles". I received a call that morning from the school that both kids had missed school so I asked her why and she said they were sick. I messaged her later that afternoon asking how they were feeling and she didn't respond.

My oldest had baseball practice that night and I was upset because her running late was going to cause him to miss practice. I asked where she was and she didn't respond. She's ends up telling me that she'd meet me in an hour. At this point practice was going to be over almost. His first game was the next day and he really could have used the practice.

When I picked them up my oldest was acting strange. I asked if he was feeling better and he said yes. We went home and had dinner, got to bed etc. Next morning we wake up and both of my kids are in a really bad mood at first. We go to the baseball game and my oldest strikes out on his first at bat. He then has a melt down in the dugout, crying, leaving the dugout and saying he wants to quit. I have to go talk him down and get him back in the game. I immediately knew that there was something more bothering him.

Later during the game, my youngest son tells my Mom that they were not sick Friday. Mom had not taken them to school because she had her horse in the state fair for some competition(yes she owns a horse and collects alimony and child support). I was extremely upset that she had put them in this position of lying to me. My 6yo has been behind his reading level and is a potential retainee for 1st grade and she takes him out of school due to her hobby.

Obviously I will document this. But I have noticed other things that they had said over the last month or so about me not caring about them. I don't know where they get this but both have accused me of this at different times. It's crazy because I am the one who pays and takes them to all their activities and is involved in everything in their life. I do have more discipline at my house though.

I'm not sure how to handle with the kids as I want them to understand that lying to me is wrong. However I do not consider it their fault. They are trying to please mom. God damn her for putting them in this position. I wouldn't get upset over trivial lies but taking them out of school for no reason and then impacting their team sports activities is unacceptable to me.

Sorry for being long winded. Not sure what I can actually do.
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Re: Mom telling kids to lie to me,and other parental alienat

Unread postby BartSimpson » Mon Feb 13, 2017 11:41 am

So mom took the kids to the State Fair?
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Re: Mom telling kids to lie to me,and other parental alienat

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Mon Feb 13, 2017 11:57 am

I'm not sure how to handle with the kids as I want them to understand that lying to me is wrong. However I do not consider it their fault. They are trying to please mom. God damn her for putting them in this position. I wouldn't get upset over trivial lies but taking them out of school for no reason and then impacting their team sports activities is unacceptable to me.


What you are experiencing is the logical result of what happens when you freak out over issues. It shuts down communication and you get lied to.

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Re: Mom telling kids to lie to me,and other parental alienat

Unread postby afc » Mon Feb 13, 2017 12:23 pm

Parenting differences.

She takes him out of school to see horses on a family trip. And you do baseball when you could be doing intense reading time during that time.
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Re: Mom telling kids to lie to me,and other parental alienat

Unread postby Prezzy » Mon Feb 13, 2017 1:09 pm

BartSimpson wrote:So mom took the kids to the State Fair?


Only because she would not make it back to pick them up from school in time. Apparently the kids just waited for her while she did the horse stuff.
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Re: Mom telling kids to lie to me,and other parental alienat

Unread postby Prezzy » Mon Feb 13, 2017 2:03 pm

Fatheroffour wrote:
I'm not sure how to handle with the kids as I want them to understand that lying to me is wrong. However I do not consider it their fault. They are trying to please mom. God damn her for putting them in this position. I wouldn't get upset over trivial lies but taking them out of school for no reason and then impacting their team sports activities is unacceptable to me.


What you are experiencing is the logical result of what happens when you freak out over issues. It shuts down communication and you get lied to.

'sayin


OK fair enough. How do I handle it with my sons so that they know it's not good to lie while not putting more undue stress on them from her making them lie?

The funny thing is, I really wouldn't have thought it was that big of a deal if they went for a family fun day. They went to drop off a horse, the kids didn't get to enjoy the fair and then we're forced to lie about it.

Do I calmly email her and request that she not ask the kids to lie and that I know she was not truthful the other day when she was late to drop off?
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Re: Mom telling kids to lie to me,and other parental alienat

Unread postby afc » Mon Feb 13, 2017 2:04 pm

Dont ask them and they wont feel pressured to lie.
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Re: Mom telling kids to lie to me,and other parental alienat

Unread postby Bobby5000 » Sat Feb 18, 2017 7:45 am

She is not allowing required parenting time and worse telling children to lie to justify the violation. Someone said something about the poster but I am not familiar with this background. I do suppose that posters should be complete because garbage in, garbage out, you omit important facts to make yourself look better, you can get misleading advice. But that aside, the wife should be complying with the agreement, and he should be documenting that and if need be, file appropriate motions to secure compliance.
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Re: Mom telling kids to lie to me,and other parental alienat

Unread postby Chasbo » Sun Feb 19, 2017 7:24 pm

My x does it all the time with her tennis. Tennis first. Kids second.

I just offer to take the kids at any time she wants. I never cast blame. Just offer to be helpful.

But yes, it's pathetic.
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Re: Mom telling kids to lie to me,and other parental alienat

Unread postby Minerva » Fri Feb 24, 2017 3:43 pm

Control what you can control.

At 10 and 6 your kids should start thinking for themselves. I always have my kids do critical thinking. Of course mom berates me in front of them all the time, when I hear things like "You don't ever spend time with us." "you don't care about us as much as mommy" etc etc.

Ask them questions back. "Hey what did we do last week together?" "Who took you to all your practices this year?" "How many days did we read together this week?" - Hmmmm seems like we did spend a lot of time together huh?

You'll see the wheels turning. 3 years of this and my daughter already tells me her mom's bullsh*t without even prompting. "Mommy said you were lazy but I know that's not true because she never takes me to birthday parties and you take me to every single one."

As for taking them out a day to go to the fair. I suggest dialing back your GAF meter. Your kids probably had a blast and they'll be much more likely to remember that then whatever they were doing at elementary school for the day.
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