My Son's Grades

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Re: My Son's Grades

Unread postby Tom Kirkpatrick » Fri Jan 27, 2017 12:41 pm

monte_carlo wrote:She's a psychiatrist.....she encourages him to be himself.
NJ is more friend than parent. "Mommy's here, Darling. You don't hafta listen that mean ol' daddy any more. That's why we left him."

This is one battle you can't possibly win. You'd just as well _piss up a rope.

monte_carlo wrote:I'm pretty sure my son is not smoking weed.....
You're in denial, Bro. Make S15 give up a UA.

monte_carlo wrote:Remember, he's accusing me of "forcing him" to do things and refusing to comply solely on that ground.
Being Dad is never a popularity contest. It's about doing the right thing.

Tom
Everyone is entitled to my opinion. - Maxine™
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Re: My Son's Grades

Unread postby Fatheroffour » Fri Jan 27, 2017 12:49 pm

Personally, if you don't suspect drug use, I'd look into depression or other distractions before I'd make drug use accusations.

I had a similar experience with a teen last year and it wasn't drugs.

How's his life otherwise? Same peer group? New girlfriend? Withdrawn? What's new going on in his life.
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Re: My Son's Grades

Unread postby monte_carlo » Fri Jan 27, 2017 2:06 pm

Tom Kirkpatrick wrote:
monte_carlo wrote:She's a psychiatrist.....she encourages him to be himself.
NJ is more friend than parent. "Mommy's here, Darling. You don't hafta listen that mean ol' daddy any more. That's why we left him."


Sad, but definitely possible. Maybe not those exact words...

Fatheroffour wrote:Personally, if you don't suspect drug use, I'd look into depression or other distractions before I'd make drug use accusations.

I had a similar experience with a teen last year and it wasn't drugs.

How's his life otherwise? Same peer group? New girlfriend? Withdrawn? What's new going on in his life.


Did you post your experience here? Link?

He's always been on the geeky side and thus quiet. He does very well on his tests, mostly As, but fails to do his homework and group projects. His worse subject is Language Arts. And that's funny because her reads tons of books, and while spending time on his iPod 24/7 (if he can) he prefers to read books the traditional way. 2 years ago I found 3 pages of "laws of society" in his view; not a HW, but something he decided to do - come up with a law system that is good for every body. His got 2 or 3 friends, and his step brother is his best friend, which btw was on top of my list for potential drug introduction when you guys brought it up... No girlfriend, withdrawn yes, but he's always been like that.

Two days ago, I took him out for a burger and coke and he didn't say anything the whole time. It's like - do you want this or that, he replies "either". I've been looking to get an older Monte Carlo and restore it, and I found one in the area and wanted to show him the pictures, his response was "I don't really care" but not in a rude way, just extremely honest.

I really believe the whole "forcing him" to get good grades is bothering him in a way that he believes I am doing something wrong as in it's bad to force people against their will... if you guys understand what I'm talking about.
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Re: My Son's Grades

Unread postby massdad1234 » Fri Jan 27, 2017 2:46 pm

How old is son? Is it possibly he is just testing you/pushing the limits? Maybe he thinks what he can get away with with your ex, he can try on dad?

Sounds like normal adolescent stuff to me, there were times I really didn't want to talk to my parents at all - they don't understand, blah blah blah. Have you tried the carrot instead of the stick?
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Re: My Son's Grades

Unread postby massdaddio » Sun Jan 29, 2017 9:29 am

My friend's son had the same behavior around the same age. He aced tests, but refused to do homework, said it was just "busy work" and a waste of his time. Punishment didn't work, reward didn't work, the kid was stubborn. He realized his senior year of high school that he needed good grades to get into college, but it was too late. He attended community college for a year, but fell back into the "homework is stupid". He's 22 now, with a full-time job, but is making only $15/hr. Last time I saw him, he told me he wishes he could do high school over again and even though he still thinks homework is a waste of time, he understands now that sometimes you just have to follow the rules even if you don't agree with them.

Could you have your son's guidance counselor talk with him? Or maybe a junior/senior in his school who went through something similar? Your son might be more accepting of advice from a peer.
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Re: My Son's Grades

Unread postby ScaredNConfused » Mon Jan 30, 2017 1:53 pm

While I wouldn't rule out drugs, it would be a good idea to do some checking on it. One more subtle way, is you have a great relationship with his teachers, right? Talk to the teachers and explain you are concerned about his grades, ask if who he hangs out with has changed or if they have any concerns as to why his behavior has changed.

While it is anecdotal, I'll share my high school, grad school history. I started out High School with very near a 4.0, finished High School with a 2.X GPA. I was in an advanced class (wasn't called honors but might as well have been), the teachers would do one-on-one reviews with each student privately. I got asked why I didn't do the homework, my answer was "I don't need to do homework, I've set the curve on every test." At this point in my life, if I ever run into those teachers, I'll apologize for being such an < hindquarters >.

A couple years ago, I earned a Master's degree in computer security. I graduated with honor's and only had two A- grades with everything else an A. So it is very possible to overcome bad High School grades and move forward.
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Re: My Son's Grades

Unread postby WCD7399 » Fri Feb 03, 2017 2:44 pm

Before you created a bigger nightmare by telling him to pee in a cup and losing his trust forever if hes NOT doing drugs -
My 15 year old son had the same issues. a CRAP load of missing assignments (Yes Bart -I know its not drugs). The truth was actually simpler.....
He discovered girls and social life and is on the baseball team (Which is now year round practices) and he simply never learned time management. Its not that he had no time- its that he never got to sit still. Phone was always buzzing, he was always trying to see friends, or go to practice, or get ready for practice, or moving between my house and his moms....In the past -He had always just put"busy work" off and would ace the tests and get the HW in during study hall or flex. As the assignments became more and more (as they will in HS), as baseball took more of his time (As it will the more you play), and as social life became more active (As it will in HS) he got overwhelmed.

His mom and I were def not on same page and first qtr was disaster. And once he fell behind - that was it.
We did 3 things. They might work. And yes -I reached out to his mom and we made sure we were on same page. It was simple actually.

1- Friday at 4pm We check the schools portal (Most schools have one now. If now - You can email teachers friday). Any work missing and he was grounded for the weekend. Period. (I'll be honest -I think some weeks he now doesnt turn in a small assignment just so he gets grounded and can tell his friends he is grounded and just stays bothered in house all day).

2- Got him a small black notebook. Told him to carry it around all day in school. In his hand. Notebook and pen. Write down EVERY assignment he gets and due date in a check list. When he does HW -Review it. It was amazing how many assignments were missed simply cause he spaced when it was assigned, or just flat out forgot.

3- Asked his baseball coach to review. His Baseball coach now asks him every week if he is all caught up. Its amazing how much impact that had as well..

He's 15 - You shouldnt have to chase down everything he does. Teaching him actions have consequences.
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Re: My Son's Grades

Unread postby kmich91262 » Fri Feb 03, 2017 3:48 pm

Forgive me but if memory serves me right, he is a freshman? If so, have you thought about it being the transition from middle school to high school? I went through a similar thing when junior went from elementary school to middle school. Counselor said it is normal for kids to have issues going from elementary school to middle school and middle school to high school. Set more defined boundaries and expectations, based on counselor's recommendation, and it seemed to help.
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